reverent irreverence

a glitzy respite

2012-01-16T08:57:00.004-06:00

I'd like to thank the Golden Globes for airing ~~two~~ seven days before the South Carolina Primary. When I logged into the Huffington Post this morning the first article wasn't about politics, for a change. It was a picture of Martin Scorsese savoring his winning moment with a GG award gripped appreciatively in his hand. Congratulations, Martin! And Meryl, and George, and all the other winners of the Globes.

And then there was the fashion, for further disruption from politics. I must say there were a lot of good looks out there on the red carpet, although I don't know what Meryl Streep was thinking with her western-look formal shirt-dress. In black, no less. I know Meryl likes black, and she likes to be a nonconformist with her attire, but really? There were some truly lovely gowns that didn't do justice to the women who wore them because the coloring was all wrong. It escapes me how someone gets to red carpet status without some clarity about knowing what colors do and do not flatter. Market niche! And like Victoria Beckham, I wonder if Angelina Jolie ever smiles unless directed by a script.

There was lots of color out there, which was a treat. Zooey Deschanel looked amazing in an interesting combination of black, silver and lime green. Stacey Keibler was stunning in simple red (and it doesn't hurt to be on the arm of George Clooney). I didn't recognize Sofia Vergara with her refreshing look in straight hair and lots of detail, and Kate Beckinsale was radiant in glowing and flowing white. There was purple, yellow, navy, fuchsia, taupe (why does anyone wear taupe?), red, lots of dark green, white, and some interesting choices of "multi." A feast for the eyes all around. Again, thanks, GG!

Zooey, Kate, and Sofia

Today I'm enjoying the gift of a day off, and will spend it cleaning and tidying around the house. Christmas is mostly put away. The tree still lingers, cards are still posted around door frames, and my nativity set continues to collect dust, but it shouldn't take long to finish packing up boxes and get them stored in the attic. I love all the decor, but it is good to reclaim the living room for daily living.

The floors are a disaster--haven't been vacuumed in far too long, and then I think some shampooing will be in order. The lampshades are wearing an accumulation of dust and dog hair, so today I really need to take the vacuum hose to them.

Saturday I had the day alone to begin tackling my office. I ignored the piles on my desk, where I usually begin, and focused instead on piles of fabric and accumulated craft items that covered what might otherwise be considered my creative space. It was attention well given. I parted with some things, assembled others of similar ilk, dusted off containers and reassigned quarters for much of the above. I'm not quite finished but the result, thus far, is breathtaking, if I say so myself. Before today is done I might just get the sewing machine out and repair a few items that are folded neatly and piled up waiting for their turn to resume their regularly scheduled use.

The most dramatic change in the house is the presence of a new television. We are slow to get on board with the technological advances of the 21st century. We have no smart phones, iPads or kindles. Until yesterday our TV was big and boxey. No flat screen, no HD. But then the big honkin' Sony bit the dust, and as we considered our options over the course of several days, a local electronics place posted a sale and 12-month financing. Sold! We are probably fortunate that our entertainment unit limited the size of what we could get because it kept our sights low, but the change, for us, is dramatic. And wouldn't you know, the first thing we watched when we were all hooked up and ready to go was football! Ken was ecstatic as we rooted for the Giants (sorry, Packers fans), and now look forward with great anticipation to the Super Bowl commercials with unrelenting glee. Some days it doesn't take much to make a girl happy.

That's our exciting news from this corner of the world. Stay tuned, if you're willing, for further reports about the progress of cleaning and creating from our humble abode.

friday five: a-ha!

2012-01-06T09:21:00.000-06:00

At RevGals KathrynJ writes:

In the midst of the holiday season I had one of those moments where a path suddenly was made clear - A-ha! This experience has prompted me to wonder what some of your A-ha moments may be.

They can be mundane - a realization that you like/don't like a certain food or that you really look good in that color you never had the guts to try. They can be sacred - a way to better pace your day clicks into place or finally a devotion or meditation practice that really works for you. They can be profound - the moment you realized he/she was the one (or wasn't)or the moment you realized where your deepest passion could meet the world's greatest need.

Please tell us - what are five (more or less) of your 'A-ha' moments. Where have you had a moment of clarity?

Oddly enough I actually had a significant "a-ha!" just before Christmas. I meant to post about it, but one interruption or another kept me from blogging for most of the holiday. As big of an a-ha as it was I was also struck with the obvious nature of it and did the "I could have had a V-8" smack on the forehead and promptly forgot about it. Until now!

I have struggled throughout my life (or at least dating back to the third grade when I was the only Brownie on stage that got overlooked during the "flying up" to Girl Scout status ceremony) with the experience of seeming invisible to others. In the case of the lone, unpromoted Brownie, that seemed to be a physical case of invisibility, but there are any number of times when I have raised a question, made a point, or offered an idea within a gathering, have it acknowledged, and then at the conclusion of the gathering have that very offering attributed to someone else who made no contribution whatsoever to the conversation in question. ???!! This is just one example of the invisibility cloak at work.

I have finally made the connection between the experience of invisibility and being an introvert. For a long time I have valued the benefits of introversion and taken in stride that I simply lack extroverted tendencies. For the first time, however, seeing this connection has also made it painfully clear to me (literally) how introversion has been a very real deficit in a number of respects. The a-ha has been bittersweet. It has made it possible to connect all sorts of dots, which has been a good thing. It has also caused an internal upheaval with the peace I had come to embrace about the limitations of introversion. If I want to alter my relational and social experiences that suffer from being an introvert, I will have to fight against the natural tendency of introversion. Insert the sound of an anguished cry here.

As a recent a-ha this whole matter needs considerably more reflection and processing, something that will be accomplished in true introvert fashion. In the meantime a sort of resignation has settled over me that I am trying hard to resist. I take that as a good sign, in spite of the fact that this is all also very wearing. Other "I's" will understand.

Other epiphanies? None really come to mind, but this one seems big enough to fill the bucket. More positively, Epiphany is my favorite liturgical season with its emphasis on light and incarnation, so I rejoice in the internal infusion of both those divine entities that are ushered in on this holy day.

christmas (now) past

2011-12-27T06:11:00.000-06:00

Phew, long time no blog! The world of work has been largely prohibitive when it comes to time for blogging, and by the time I get home there are other things to be done. The fact that I hadn't even noticed that the photo in the banner was way past time for an update was an indication to me that neglect had set in! At least that is corrected. I have missed these moments of reflection to share what is happening in our world here and to "muse" about the larger picture in which many of us live. That said--I am off from work this week and am stealing this morning time while it is still dark outside to share this and that.

A brief review of recent undertakings at work: two major events that fall under my direction are well in the works. The first is a two-day adult learning conference in February. Publicity for that got held up for various technical reasons (translate that as government bureaucracy), but went out a couple of weeks ago. Yay! My wee committee is now tackling the bits and pieces related to presenters, but it is all coming together nicely.

My major coup is that I was finally able to secure funding to put in a contract for Marlee Matlin to come to campus in March as our keynote speaker for National Women's History Month. I am very excited about that! You'll be hearing more, I'm sure, as the weeks go by leading up to both events.

Christmas has come and gone! The weekend prior to the Big Day we enjoyed an early celebration with Ashley, Travis and the boys when they came to Tennessee for a long weekend. The highlight of our time together was simply being together, but tucked into our activity was a trip down to the Opryland Hotel and seeing the Rockettes Christmas show. As many years as I've lived in Tennessee I have never seen the show, so it was time!

Christmas Eve Ken and I spent several hours helping prepare a meal to be delivered Christmas morning to seniors in Madison, TN. Apparently there are more poor seniors in Madison than any other town in the state, so an effort has been put forth by one woman in particular to be sure they get a nice meal at Thanksgiving and Christmas. The next morning we returned to help assemble the meals and ended up delivering some since our car was bigger than the intended vehicle to transport 60+ meals! And let me tell you, this was a feast: turkey, dressing, gravy, sweet potatoes, wild rice salad, vegetable medley, cranberry sauce, roll and applesauce cake! The containers were heavy and near to bursting with all that food! In all about 550 meals were put together and delivered, and it was nice to be part of that effort. Back home we made a simple lunch and then had our own quiet Christmas.

I have discovered this Christmas that I was very much off my game when it came to being prepared for this favorite of holidays. I calculated that it has been about 20 years since I was last confined to a corporate-type schedule of "9 to 5," and it hindered me greatly. By the time I realized the fix I was in it was too late to regroup, but I am now attuned to be prepared for this next year.

One casualty of running to catch up all through December was my in intention to document in a personal way the meaning of this time for me. I had made my holiday photo checklist, for instance, and managed to stage one photo from that list. Pathetic! I did accomplish a handful of things, however, so I have gathered them into the collage below to share. The stack of Christmas cards became something of a running joke for me. I wanted a substantial stack for the photograph, so hoarded them over a period of days without opening them. Over the course of those days putting aside the incoming cards became a habit, and it wasn't long before we had a very full stack of unopened cards to go through! No matter. In a way it was fun to open so many at one time and then put them up around the doorways, which has become our way to display what we have received.

A brief note about the ornament. I have been in the habit of giving ornaments each year to the kids in my life so that when they have their own first tree they have their very own collection of memories to hang on the branches. I have bought ornaments in previous years, but have decided that the gift would be more meaningful coming from my own hand. Some beautiful glass ornaments on Pinterest caught my imagination, so I attempted to recreate the look. Though the result looks nothing like what I had hoped, it's not a bad effort, so I'm sharing the one I made for Cross here.

It is clear that time away from blogging also means that I have too much to squeeze into a single post for ease of reading. For that I apologize! In the meantime, I hope the holiday has been a blessing to all, and that there is time for some relaxation and fun between now and the close of the year. I will be spending much of my time working on a jigsaw puzzle that was under our tree. Ah, the leisure of it!

Merry, merry, this third day of Christmas!

friday five: random

2011-12-09T07:41:00.001-06:00

At RevGals Revkjarla writes:

I don't know about you, but my life seems to have a lot of random surprises lately. Just little things,
like the doggy in the picture, who was rescued by a Good Samaritan from running into traffic, who then brought him to the police, who brought him to my neighbor's house. I took the doggy, now named Scout, to the vet on Monday, and the woman behind the desk said, "This dog looks so familiar. Were you here last week?" I told her no, that this particular dog is a stray, and she looked at me, and said (use your best Boston accent here), "Oh my GAWD! I rescued that dog on Satuhday! I took him to the police!" and then she proceeded to tell me the story. She was Scout's angel.
Random, right?
So, for our Friday Five, I invite you share five random things about you, or five random thoughts, or five random surprises in your life.

Just be random!

I started out with some small world stuff but quickly realized that they probably only seem fascinating to me...

1) I wrap presents without tape and my bows don't have knots. I learned this from my mother, who learned it from her mother. Now my daughter and daughter-in-law want to know how to work such magic. Glad there will be at least one legacy by which to be remembered!

2) In spite of the fact that I'm not a jock and I hate to sweat I graduated from college as a phys. ed. major. My conversion came about when I checked a book out of the library the summer after my sophomore year called Winning is Everything and Other American Myths, which is a collection of essays on sport sociology. Who knew there was such a discipline? The clincher came when what I was learning in my Kinesiology and Anatomy of Human Movement classes became applicable as a gymnastics coach. That was one of the most exciting periods of my college experience.

3) I play the recorder. It's been years since mine has seen the light of day or ear heard its sweet song. My brother and I used to play duets with some regularity, and once upon a time I played as a member of the "Cathedral Consort" when I lived in Hartford. It was wonderful discipline to be part of that group and they were forgiving when I had a tough time on the high notes. I also got introduced to some great music as a result. Gosh, thinking back to that time brings a smile to my face...

4) I learned about a woman who celebrated her 38th birthday by doing 38 random acts of kindness for people. It'll probably take some doing (not to mention some time) to do as many raks as years I will have to celebrate on my next birthday, but I've already got some ideas about some things I might do. I'm open to suggestions on this, by the way. On facebook there's a page called The Birthday Project that is about the same kind of thing.

5) I have an extra vertebrae in the coccygeal area of my spine. This might contribute to my "long rise."

holiday aid

2011-12-04T05:00:00.000-06:00

I mentioned in my friday five post that I was going to make an effort to document the month of December in some way to capture its meaning to me. Along came a great tool for accomplishing such a thing, a holiday photo checklist. The problem with it, as with so many holiday and internet-available aids, is that it doesn't really suit individuals or families that don't have children upon whom to focus. Although we have grandchildren they are not nearby, so my photo opportunities need to focus elsewhere.

Being the resourceful chickie that I am, however, I have created my own list that doesn't rely on little ones to complete the Christmas picture. I have already updated this since first posting to include some additional thoughts, though the list does reflect my own life at the moment, which doesn't have a community of faith with which we are involved, nor a circle of friends locally with whom to celebrate and enjoy various sorts of exchanges. Take it for what it's worth. These lists are suggestions and a place to start thinking about photos or ways to document the holiday that don't require young ones.

I am indebted to the gift of a rainbow in this morning's sky while out with the dogs earlier. I was unable to capture a picture of it due to the delay in getting to my own camera. Now THAT would have been a great addition to the collection. I at least had the presence of mind to thank God for the gift of seeing it. Not all is lost!

Click on the image for a closer look if you're so inclined. This is free for sharing as a pdf.

Blessed second Sunday of Advent!

lelftovers

2011-12-03T08:00:00.000-06:00

And by that I mean these are the memories that linger after the event has passed.

We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving meal with our friends Jimmy and Barbara. Jimmy thoughtfully took a turn behind the camera so that I might actually show up in a photo. One of these days I'll learn how to get him into the picture via photoshop.

We were at Melrose for the long weekend, something I didn't mention out of a sense of caution not to advertise our absence from home. I've never worried about that before, but this time I erred on the side of, well, caution! Friday morning we had some dense fog, and it occurred to me that some pictures besides the obscured front view might be out there somewhere. Here's one.

We promised Mom a picture of the Thanksgiving spread. Melrose is a place of hospitality, and over the years gatherings of all sizes have been seated at this table. Ken, especially, wanted Mom to see Melrose hospitality being enjoyed at his favorite holiday. Alas, we do not have a group shot of everyone at the table.

Here's Jude, at 4 and a half months looking every bit the chunky monkey (Trisha's phrase!) wearing 12-month clothes. I was reminded by his attire that I had forgotten all about a "my first thanksgiving" bib I bought for him. Note to self: Ashley covers all those bases, so I don't need to do so in the future. I now have a bib I can gift to someone else at some point.

And here's Cross, wearing a thanksgiving headpiece (made by his Mom--where does she find the time?) and a look deserving a caption. Anyone?

And finally, at least for this round, another Pinterest copy! I decided that a project with the boys (collecting sticks from the yard) to create this vase/candle holder would be a fun thing to do. They were all about gathering sticks, and watched with some fascination as I glued the first two onto the vase. Beyond that, not so much. Poor Cross, he couldn't grasp why I didn't immediately attach the 1-foot, 1-inch diameter piece of kindling onto the glass. Just a note should anyone else want to tackle this very easy project--it's more time-consuming than it looks, especially in a group of nine with three young'uns commanding attention. Kenneth picked up where I left off when I needed to shift my focus to dinner. Who knew an army ranger was so handy with a glue gun?

And that, friends, is a wrap for now. We did capture a great family photo that is being used for our Christmas card. Once those go out I'll post it here. I don't want to steal the impact for those of you who receive our card.

friday five: the seasonal string around my finger

2011-12-02T09:35:00.001-06:00

At RevGals Kathryn writes: It's a busy season and our minds get caught up in lots of different things. We all know that especially during this time of year we have to be intentional about the things that are important or we can lose them. What are five things you try to be intentional about, whether it be for this season specifically or in general?

1) This year I am trying to be intentional about making a daily record of what this season means to me. I have a great childhood to thank for implanting in my being a love for Advent--long before I understood what Advent was about. We had family traditions that practically overflow the memory banks, and I love each and every one of them. As an adult without children of my own I haven't been able to continue those traditions n the same way, but I do carry them in my heart with deep affection, and now with grandchildren I can do a little something here and there to extend the joy.

2) During this season I try to think of special things to do for the people who have touched my life during the year. This year I have colleagues for the first time in a long time, and I am enjoying "plotting" little things to do to acknowledge that I am grateful for them.

3) I am a Pinterest junkie, and I am endeavoring to implement some of the great ideas that I have pinned on my various boards. I've actually pulled off a couple of them, one of which was the wreath I made for my daughter-in-law for her birthday. (see photo). I'll actually have a two week break from work at Christmas, and my plan is to use that time to implement even more of the great ideas that inspire me.

4) Regardless of season, I am making an effort to stop myself from saying things "bluntly," and taking the time to reframe what needs to be said in a way that doesn't come across as critical or negative. There are some people in my life that tend to provoke blunt reactions, so my goal is to improve those relationships by taking the edge off how I sometimes respond.

5) There have been some significant changes in my world this year, and I want to be intentional about communicating to the people who were/are part of the good things that have come about how much I value those good things.

Bonus: I am trying to live from a place of gratitude more often, and so far, that hasn't been hard. I'm praying that the discipline of being rooted in gratitude will have life-changing consequences.

happy day

2011-11-24T03:33:00.000-06:00

We're enjoying a feast of friendship today as we dine with our friends Jimmy and Barbara, then look forward to a day of family on Saturday. During these several days of celebrating the many things for which we are thankful I think of those of you who come to visit here. Your visits sustain me more than you know, and the very fact of your presence serves to draw me out of myself to think beyond my own world.

Blessings to you this day...

yes, they're real

2011-11-13T07:58:00.000-06:00

What is this, you ask? Let me tell you!

The above photo is the Autumnal Convent of the Priory of St. Andrew, part of the Grand Priory of the United States of America, The Solemn Military Order of the Temple of Jerusalem. Also known as the Knights Templar.

There is so much about this organization that I don't know--not the least of which is making sense of the various titles and designations--but having attended this convent (and no, I don't know why it is called a convent, though I can tell you that it has nothing to do with nuns) I am absolutely impressed by the order for all sorts of reasons.

The short version of how we came to be at last night's convent is because it turns out that a member of our former church is a Dame of the Knights Templar. When The DaVinci Code came out several years ago Ken got launched down an exploratory path of learning more about many of the ideas and facts presented in the book. He was especially intrigued by the Templars. When he learned that Jeri was a member of the order, he felt like he'd struck gold. Imagine the thrill when Jeri invited him to join the order! (Membership in the order is by invitation.) I won't belabor the details involved in that, but this weekend began the process of Ken's entrance to membership.

The convent is full of ritual and symbolism, and can include the investiture of a new knight. See below! It you look closely you'll note the sword touching the left shoulder.

There are also strong ties to Scotland and things Scottish (and you thought The DaVinci Code was fiction!). I was in my glory in a room full of men in kilts following the convent.

Knights and Dames are awarded recognition for years of service. This wee woman has twenty years of such under her belt. She's so cute!

And here we are. I am not happy with any of the pictures taken of us, but this one is the kindest. The dress is actually quite beautiful, but I learned a valuable lesson last night. The right undergarment is essential! Truly, my chest doesn't really need the parking space to my left. This wasn't such a big deal 50 pounds ago, but at my present weight it's a rather crucial detail. Live and learn, and get with the program! It's a rare occasion for me to dress up, though with the Templars in our lives that will begin to change. Ken is due to be knighted in April.

You'll be hearing more from time to time. For now I'll simply say that it looks as though life is going to get a lot more interesting, and interesting people will be a part of that.

one day and a reflection later

2011-11-12T07:10:00.001-06:00

The Bonus Army takes up camp in front of the US Capital, 1932

I was a bit of a blubberer yesterday. I was somewhat obsessed with Veteran's Day, and gravitated toward images and news stories as though they were chips and dip (I have a salt tooth, not a sweet tooth). Granted, before I was even out of bed yesterday I was feeling oddly vulnerable and weepy, so I was predisposed to get emotional about almost anything picked up by my "things that matter" radar.

The Veterans Day thing got a head start a couple of days ago when I learned about an award being given posthumously to a soldier who sacrificed his life in Afghanistan saving the lives of his platoon leader, fellow platoon members, and (if I'm remembering correctly) some civilians. The award cited the incident where he pushed his leader out of the way of bullet fire, taking the fatal hit himself. Only last week at my conference in Indianapolis I heard stories from retired military educators about how loyalty and commitment to fellow soldiers trumps loyalty to the mission. Though this was not news to me the information penetrated my being at a deeper level. The specific action of this Ft. Campbell soldier plays across my imagination as though seeing it on a screen, and his sacrifice releases from my soul a kind of grief.

I know the grief is mine, no matter what triggers it. As I write this post there is dawning awareness that it touches on my experience of camaraderie and friendship, and the gaping hole of such in my life these days. I'm also aware that issues related to justice have woven through pieces of my life in recent weeks, so stories about what I see as injustices to veterans pluck those strings. Sadly, there are lots of stories about such injustices, so my justice and vulnerability meters are resonating together to generate some interesting internal reflections.

Thanks for wading through the above to get to what I really want today's post to be about: two particular stories of injustice. I had never heard of the Bonus Army, a group of WW I veterans who marched on and established themselves in Washington to demand what was promised to them. I am indebted to NPR for airing the story last night. The fact that knowledge of this event is not a part of our nation's body of common knowledge strikes me as shameful. Go here to read about it (I can't possibly do it justice here in brief). The Bonus Army is from another era, and although it will inspire anger it led, ultimately, to the G.I. Bill (which might be considered a form of justice, I admit. The story is still dreadful). The other story about denying veterans a gift given for them in Los Angeles was broadcast earlier this morning on CNN. This story renews my animosity toward greed--as though any of us need any assistance in that arena these days--but it also rekindles my sense of helplessness when I want to take action to redress a wrong. At least others are making an attempt to do so.

There are implications in these stories, and others, about our collective failure to deliver what is promised and to honor the contract executed by those who respond to the call to serve. Again and again our leaders break those contracts, violating the trust and faith that all of us are impelled to place in their hands. For too long we have stood by and watched the disintegration of that which we so proudly hail, failing to hold our leaders accountable. It is past time to step up and speak up, and to stand with those whose lives and memories have been betrayed.

To paraphrase Tim Gunn, "Make It Happen." Let's figure out a way, together, to do that.

i believe her

2011-11-09T10:38:00.000-06:00

Yesterday when the news about Penn State's cover-up of sexual assault and exploitation unfolded, echoes of Herman Cain denials were dancing in my head. It occurred to me at the time that when the public learns of incidents of sexual abuse against boys or men, no one ever questions the motives of those who make their stories public, or subject themselves to renewed pain and anguish as they endure revisiting a chapter of personal devastation in their lives. It only seems to be women who are suspect, whose motives must be dark, self-centered, and driven by the need for attention or money.

As I revisit this reflection this morning I need to amend a portion of my thinking from a day ago. A distinct difference between stories of men molested as boys and women molested by men is that children and teenagers lack the capacity to assert their own voice and claim their own power because personal power does not rest within us until life and adulthood have provided the crucible for such power to be forged. The dynamic between perpetrators and victims when the former is an adult and the latter is a minor is different than it is between adults, and our response to such violations fall rightly across a spectrum of disdain and disgust .

That said, sexual assault and harassment perpetrated against women share a dynamic with acts perpetrated against boys: they are dynamics of power, with sex its vehicle of expression.

As a survivor of sexual assault I speak to this not as a clinician and feminist, but as one who had to work hard and painfully to learn and understand that acquiescence to this form of power was not a choice or a betrayal of self, but a cultural pattern of response to deeply entrenched societal acceptance of the abuse of power by those who wield that weapon at will. Make no mistake, power is a weapon.

I expect men who are accused to deny the accusation. I expect eyebrows to be raised and speculation to begin. I am not surprised that a woman's motives are challenged. I likewise challenge, however, the too-long held acceptance that power may be used to intimidate, dominate, violate or in other ways humiliate another person who lacks comparable power. I challenge the resistance to accepting that a woman who makes her pain public does so for any reason other than exposing the truth. I also challenge any man accused of harassment or assault to look hard at his relationship with power and to consider that he might be vulnerable to its lures. If just one man would explore the possibility that inappropriate behavior resulted from his comfort with power and acknowledge the damage that resulted, a door would open to a new world of understanding, respect, and relationship. If Herman Cain would do this he would begin the process of dismantling the arrogance that possesses him, and he might discover the riches of humility that serve as the basis of true leadership. He still wouldn't get my vote, but he might well earn my respect.

Once upon a time, after recovering from the experience of paying a difficult price at the hands of a group who praised and highly exalted themselves to excess, I was appointed to a position where I was given the authority to make decisions that could have significant impact on the lives of others. A friend who saw this appointment as a sort of vindication for me also recognized the opportunity for the appointment to be problematic. "Beware of your power," she said to me. It is a caution I have never forgotten.

At this time in my life I believe that I have a healthy and respectful relationship with power. While I am grateful for that that, I am also keenly aware of the cost paid to enjoy that relationship now. The wisdom I gleaned can best be offered by sharing the counsel given to me. When the mantel rests upon you, beware of your power. And share that warning with others. We all need to hear the truth when it is spoken.

melrose snapshots

2011-11-01T07:50:00.002-05:00

Trisha poses with salt lick and deer corn at a spot being scouted for future hunting. Her job was to scatter the latter.

My beloved up a tree (stand).

Two of our beloveds.

Everyone's beloved view at sunset, shortly before the colors got rich.

I'm off to Indy. I was able to check out a laptop to take with me (yay!) so I'll do my best to be in touch while I"m gone. There's lots going on at the office this week, which makes this a tough time to be gone.

Have a great week, beloveds!

monday miscellaney

2011-10-31T09:04:00.001-05:00

It's been a while!

Since we last met there's been a trip to Melrose, bouts with a nasty cold, home rearranging, office tailgate party, and miscellaneous mini adventures. Such variety!

I'm not generally an overly cautious person, but I've taken under advisement the counsel not to broadcast occasions when we will be out of town. Like our recent trip to Melrose. I'm not really worried about someone taking advantage of our absence and breaking into our house while we're gone, but there's that little piece of me that is okay with not letting that cat out of the proverbial bag.

It was a short trip: left Thursday afternoon, got there after dark, and returned Monday morning. Let me just say that the weather was spectacular. Stunning. Brilliant. True, crisp, autumn glory. A little chilly at night, but that's why we have blankets and fireplaces.

We enjoyed a visit with Kenneth and Trisha, our friends Jimmy and Barbara, and our usual and customary date with the wisteria for pruning. The next thing we new we were back on the road heading home. Waaaaaahhhhh!

In the "bursting with pride" department: Kenneth completed an Army Special Forces Selection process last week. The first great thing about that is that he completed the course. Tougher than Ranger school. The next great thing about it is that he completed the course with honors. Stellar graduate. Can you see me beaming? In two weeks he and Trisha will move to Ft. Bragg (Fayetteville, NC) where he begins what is known as "Q." More training. The first six months will be intensive language training, then small unit tactical training, and I can't remember what comes after that, although I may have the order of parts two and three reversed. Another chapter begins!

Saturday my office hosted a tailgate event on campus. It was intended to be an offering for our nontraditional students and their families, with kids encouraged to come in costume, and treats offered for the young-uns. It was a gorgeous day, we had great catered barbecue (and the best mac-n-cheese!), and enjoyed meeting the students who came by, though few of our target population were among them. Oh well! Time for a survey to see what sorts of events might be better attended. It's pricey to offer a meal and not have your group show up to eat it. We still had fun, as might be indicated by this picture of my assistant, Valerie, trying on someone's hat.

Tomorrow I'm off to Indianapolis for a few days for a national adult learning conference. It's not that I don't get the dynamics of adult learning (the stories of my students keep me well abreast of that!), but this will be a great opportunity to learn about trends, resources, and other good stuff outside of the specific frame of reference that is my own office and campus. We're hosting our own conference at MTSU in February, so this will also help me narrow down some parameters for content for that event. I'm excited to be going, and eager to learn.

At home Ken has had his sights on transforming the area that serves as his office (formerly the one-car garage) into a "den." The only real change to that space is the relocation of a recliner and sleeper sofa to its midst. We finally made that happen yesterday, and let's just say that I am glad to have it done and behind us. The dogs love having a comfy space to hang out with Ken when he's in that room, and the living room finally has a chance to reclaim its identity without excess stuff filling it up.

So those are the highlights at my end. What's new with you?

and a good time was had

2011-10-15T09:14:00.000-05:00

Last night our local democratic party held their first ever Halloween Bash at a local country club. As you might expect with anything that is new and not "what we've always done," there was a wee bit of anxiety about how the event would go. Would enough people buy tickets? Would they show up? Would they deck themselves in costumes? Would we make any money (it was intended to be a social, but making money is still a good thing)? Would people enjoy themselves? And of personal interest to me, would they like and appreciate my cake? As facebook friends know, this cake has a story of its own!

I am happy to report that the answers to all of the above is an unequivocal, "Yes!" This report is coming from someone who generally doesn't enjoy parties where I don't know many people, but I have to say I had a ball. Nearly everyone wore a costume, and there were some fun and creative efforts in that area. There was music and dancing, karaoke (which I even attempted twice without being under the influence of alcohol), door prizes, and a really good Ro-tel cheese dip with chips. There was some other food, but the dip reigned supreme.

Ken decked himself in all of his kilt regalia, and I attempted to pull off Holly Golightly. My effort would have been a lot more successful if I was a whole bunch thinner, but it was fun to dress up. The picture doesn't do justice to the hair or makeup, and it is exceedingly disappointing to note that the reflection I saw in the bathroom mirror before we went to the party and the image below do not resemble one another. Phhhhhhttt! Ken, at least, looks exceedingly handsome. At least to me!

We came home exhausted but satisfied, and this morning I am enduring my body's protest that I wore 2" heels last night. No biggie, all will be well. After the memory of the cake adventure fades I would likely attempt to do one again, and in the karaoke department I will be sure not to volunteer to sing a song that I only think I know. It's no fun to drop out in the middle of verse when you realize that what you really know is the refrain. That said, I managed to get through "Crazy" without making a total fool of myself. The darkness of the room was my saving grace.

And that, friends, is a slice of autumn life here in the mid-south. I'm not entirely sure what's on tap for today, but it's lovely and cool, and the kitchen is almost clean, and that's not a bad way to start a weekend. May yours be full of things that bring you joy.

friday five: scattered

2011-10-14T08:23:00.002-05:00

At RevGals, revkjarla writes: So, I don't know about you, but I have had quite the scattered week. Sometimes, life is that way, right? In the spirit of Scattered-ness, I offer you a scattery kind of Friday Five:

1. I lose my keys all of the time. Even if they are in my hand, I still am looking for them. Sigh!
What is something you are chronically looking for, if anything?

My eyeglasses, although to cut down on the chronic nature of that hunt I keep a pair at the computer, a pair in my purse, a pair at the kitchen table (shared by living room use), and a pair at the office.

2. What movie are you looking forward to watching sometime in the future? (me, the new Footloose!)

I've had so little time lately to pay attention to things like movies, I don't even know what's coming. I do about Footloose, however, but I'll wait to see that when it comes out on dvd.

3. What is one of your favorite comfort foods? (me, pizza. hands down).

I love pizza, and I confess that it's extremely convenient to pick up an already baked, personal pan pizza at work (I take one flight of stairs and walk about one hundred yards), but I try to eat less pizza than my soul desires for health reasons. Sadly, most comfort foods stand squarely outside of the healthy eating zone. My favorite snack is some peanut butter on slices of apple. Just about everything else feels guilty because it's essentially impossible for me to lose weight.

4. Story time. Tell us a story of one your favorite people that has touched, blessed your life.

My goddaughter is the person who regularly touches and blesses me. There are many stories, but one early memory from about 20 years ago stands out. One night after a Lenten program at church (back in the good old days when I was a laywoman), I walked out to my car at the same time as Johanna and her family. Johanna was about eight years old. Before climbing into the family car she turned to me, opened her arms wide and tipped her head back for a goodnight embrace. It was a spontaneous gesture of love different from the usual hug of kids wrapping their arms around your legs or hips and squeezing at their level. Those open arms said to me that her heart embraced me fully, without reservation or limit. The blessings of her love continue to embrace me.

5. What do you do to focus or calm or center yourself? (please, I need ideas!!!)

Here's a surprise--I turn to God! I also cuddle with my dog, or simply close my eyes, empty my mind and breathe. If I have access to a scenic view staring at it for a while is also a great way to find calm.

BONUS: Share the first thing (or second thing) that comes to your mind after your read this!

Our son-in-law leaves on Sunday for temporary duty (army) in Hawaii for six weeks. Our daughter and grandkids will also make the trip. They have invited us to come visit them while they are there, but 1) we can't afford it, 2) even if we could afford it there are other plans and obligations littering our calendar for the duration of that six weeks that don't allow us to take the time, and 3) even we we could afford to go and the calendar wasn't an issue, I only get paid for time I work, which sort of puts us back to number one. It breaks my heart to have to say no to this amazing opportunity, and pushing the various components around in my mind to arrive at this conclusion is, indeed, a practice of fragmenting/scattering.

we are topeka

2011-10-12T09:41:00.000-05:00

image from the blog OABI (Organization for Abuse and Battered Individuals)

I don't write that post title as a badge of solidarity honor, but as one of shame.

Do you know what's going on in Topeka? No? I'm not surprised. The news from that city didn't make this morning's cut for news on CNN or NPR, the first sources of my household's news day. There was no mention in the morning paper. The New York Times carries the story in the "US News" section, seen as less important or significant than Romney's performance in the most recent debate, the standoff in NBA negotiations, and an alleged plot of a foreign government to assassinate a diplomat from another foreign government on US soil. I'm really worked up about that last one.

Let me bring you up to date. Last night Topeka repealed its domestic violence ordinance. The reporting is a little unclear about this, but I think that although it's still not legal to beat up your wife, husband, partner, sibling, child or parent, there will be no arrests, charges or prosecutions of these crimes. Blame it all on a budget crisis. Apparently it's too costly to prosecute these crimes, and the case load for felonies and some other misdemeanors, like shoplifting, is high. Tell that to the 35 or more victims of domestic violence in Topeka in the last six weeks (that's almost one per day, reported). Tell that to their children and their loved ones. Tell them that the violence perpetrated against them costs too much for them to be considered a priority for justice and protection. A 10% across-the-board budget cut means don't cut salaries or perks, instead leave vulnerable women and families at greater risk of losing their lives.

I'm not being dramatic, I'm outraged. I'm ranting here because our culture has been silent too long on this subject. The painful irony of this action in Topeka is that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Most of us, myself included, don't have the numbers committed to memory but I'll be glad to review them for everyone's sake.*

1 in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. 1 in every 4, people.
An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
85% of domestic violence victims are women.
Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
Charges of assault against perpetrators are more like to cause an escalation in violence on the part of the perpetrator.
Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.
Nearly one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.
The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.
There are 16,800 homicides and $2.2 million medically treated injuries due to intimate partner violence annually, costing $37 billion.
Domestic Violence cuts across all socio-economic, racial, ethnic and religious lines.

Why should this be the lead story on every newscast today? Because to say nothing is to suggest that this action is acceptable. To say nothing doesn't help those 1 in 4, or worse, the victims who don't report their abuse. And lest you think this is only about victims, the syndrome of domestic violence won't cease or lessen when the perpetrators don't get help.

Get mad with me. Be outraged. Speak out. Stand up for the victims and demand justice and protection. Together we can change the statistics.

One. In. Four. Are you okay with that?

Learn more
*source: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: www.ncadv.org

the things we do for t-shirts

2011-10-11T14:15:00.001-05:00

Confession: I am writing this post in order to create a wordle.

Nontraditional Student Week is a stone's throw away, and we plan to celebrate it with enthusiasm in my office. And we need a t-shirt design.

Let me tell you a little about our students. They are adult learners with life experiences that run the gamut from business owners and entrepeneurs to single parents and survivors of abuse. They are tall, short, wide, narrow, red-headed, bald, and everything in between. They are men and women dedicated to improving their lives through education. They have dreams, and they work hard toward achieving them. Some will be teachers, some are pre-law, others want to care for animals and still others plan to write. They are studying English, computer technology, chemistry, animal science, sociology and more. They laugh, they share stories, and they encourage one another. They tutor each other and swap stories about teachers. They fall asleep on the couch and lose track of time at the computer. The room fills with the fragrance of lunches heated in the microwave, and the smell of popcorn to fend off afternoon munchies. They arrange their schedules to take kids to soccer practice and parents to doctor appointments. They worry about their finances and their families, but day in and day out, they are here. Studying, contributing, planning and dreaming. They are discovering that they were right to return to school, to push aside the awkwardness of raising their hands in classes filled with nineteen-year olds, and to share the lessons they've learned in life with professors and fellow students. They get tired. They get stressed. Their cars and their lawnmowers need repair, and still they manage. They persevere.

In my book they are rock stars, and it is my privilege to know them and work to make their lives on this campus a little easier. They have chosen MTSU, and the world is, and will be, better for their time here.