friday five: taking a break

A la revgalblogpals, how I would spend some "break" time (this assumes a few things, like dog care, a clean desk...):

1. a 15 minute break: playing sudoku

2. an afternoon off: making handmade cards

3. an unexpected free day: hit the road and travel local byways, eateries, and places of interest wtih my husband and camera in tow. 4. a week's vacation: The Grand Canyon. I've never been, and I've always wanted to stand at one of the lookouts and be totally awed by one of God's amazing works.

Either that or a week at the beach with my scrapping (as in scrapbooks) sisterhood.

5. a sabbatical: head to Scotland, my favorite place in the world, and the place where my spirit is most at home. I love the landscapes--from rolling lowlands to rugged highlands. I love the colors, the sheep, the people, the heather, the castles (ruined and otherwise), the history, the late light of summer. I would photograph, improve my watercolor abilities, read and write.

And you?

awwwww

Thanks, Mom, for forwarding this.

is it in or is it out?

The hybrid version of my car (color and all), which essentially looks the same. Mine is not a hybrid because hybrids have an automatic transmission. I'm a stick kind of girl. Just so you know.

Yesterday I began to grieve. GM announced that part of its plan for the future was to eliminate the Saturn line. I have been a proud and loyal Saturn customer for 15 years, have put over 315,000 miles on my three Saturn vehicles, and saw myself as a committed Saturnite for generations to come. Well, you know, as long as is feasible.

This morning I received an email from Saturn suggesting that they are not going to be out of business; that they were set up and continue to be an independent operation affilitated with GM; that the future, while uncertain, looks exciting, and they wanted to assure their customers of the company's ongoing viability.

I don't know what to believe, but I can tell you this. I have several years to start paying attention to other makes of cars. I just hope that mine doesn't think I'm cheating.

PS. Read Gail Collins today. I laughed out loud so many times...

a hosue of windsor?

Last night we made a visit to a parishioner who had a few things on his mind that he wanted to share about the church. Until macular degeneration did its damage he was a fabulous woodworker and craftsman. He and Ken got into the subject of making furniture, and by the time we left, we had our arms full of woodworking books.

One of them, in particular, was about the Windsor chair. (It's okay, I can hear you yawning from here.) This was like winning the lotto for Ken. There's a Windsor chair at Melrose that Ken loves, and now, with book in hand, he has become a talking encyclopaedia on the subject. Yes, by default, I am learning too, but I will spare you. It's just nice to see Ken's face light up and hear the enthusiasm in his voice as he talks about the chair.

Wishing for you light and enthusiasm today!

who paints

There are some wonderful ways that I take after my mother. One of them is that we stay in touch with people from our past, and maintain those contacts through personal visits when possible, even if it's been years since our last face-to-face.

Case in point. In 1997 the General Convention of the Episcopal Church was held in Philadelphia. A college friend, Wendilee Heath, lived outside of Philly with her family. I don't think I had seen Wendilee since we graduated from college 18 years earlier. But we had stayed in touch, and when I made plans to spend a few days at GC that summer, we arranged for an overnight visit.

It was a wonderful time of reconnecting. That's the beauty of genuine friendship--there is substance that transcends time, space, and the life that fills the gaps between contact. It was from Wendilee during this visit that I was first exposed, in a concrete way, to homeopathic medicine and the many benefits of natural healing, natural-food eating and some of the nuances of wholistic health.

Subsequent to that visit in Philly Wendilee discovered that she had a talent for painting. She and her family also moved to Maine. She now paints full time in a variety of media, and does beautiful work, much of it inspired by the natural beauty that surrounds her home.

I confess my jealousy. I have long wanted to learn how to paint with watercolor, and an effort to do so several years ago was so disappointing (with the instruction) that I have not ventured into those waters again. An email from Wendilee this morning, and a visit to her web site may just be the lure that I need to try.

Visit her website. Enjoy the decisive, yet gentle strokes of her brush, and the eye that captures beauty. I'm eager to have some funds once again so that I can buy one of her pieces. Is there anything more stunning than birches in the fall?

Have a great, and colorful day.

A baby will be buried today. Prematurely born and incubator-nurtured, at four weeks of age a mistake by a nurse cost him his life. He is the grandson of one of my PC hosts, who is also a friend of my friend Yolande.

Ken and I went to the visiting hours yesterday, and while there, Yolande and I went to see the baby where he was laid out. Yes, he was tiny and still undeveloped, yet even in death he had a presence. Yolande asked me to say a prayer, and I was able to get through some words until I got to the phrase, "bless you," and then that was all I could continue to say. Tears were streaming down my face for this child I had never known.

In my 15 years of ministry I have never buried a child or a young adult. I have buried friends and family, parishioners I had come to love, and extended family of my flock who were strangers to me. I guess those are simply the cards I have been dealt. I suspect the day will come.

Today I am thinking about a life that will not mature, and the grief of parents whose dreams are shattered and whose hearts strain with loss at every breath.

Sleep, baby, sleep. In peace may you slumber.

i heart you

Sending love and cyber hugs to you all today. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the friends (and Mom, who is also my friend) who come here to visit. Most of you are far away, and I want you to know that it matters that you stop by to check in and read what's going on in my life--what I share about my day or what I think about one thing or another. Many of you are friends I met through the internet, and except for Clare and Mama Jayne, I have had the good fortune to meet you in person (and Clare will visit from New Zealand this fall!).

How amazing is it that Jayne, who I met on beliefnet, introduced me to Ken! That Jules, Pam and Janet came to my wedding. That Jules, Kip, Janet and I have spent weekends together in all sorts of places (Cleveland, Florida, on a cruise!) and that the tonic of our love and laughter sustain me in times when I am feeling neither. That I think of Moni every morning when I pour my coffee because I remember that she likes her coffee hot (every morning!). And then there's Gail, Maria, Karen and Kellee, Early Birds whose faces I can picture laughing. What joy you all bring to my life, and love that warms my heart.

Barbara, you and Jimmy are family to me, and I treasure your friendship more than you know. And Mom, there's too much to say about you, but I love you with all of my heart.

To my near and increasingly dear friends Yolande and Shannon, I am so glad to know you and call you friends. And I will clean out cupboards and kitchens with you any day!

I know that there are a few others out there, and not being mentioned doesn't mean you don't matter, because you do. That you take the time to check in is evidence of relationship, and I value all those who are part of my life.

Happy Valentine's Day, one and all. I heart you!

friday five

(Thanks to Revgalblogpals, a new daily read for me, for this week's blog inspiration. Look for Friday Five to appear regularly. Say, on Fridays!)

The foster puppies, Dooley, Brenna, Ema

Today's topic is memorable pets. Well, you know me, I'm a dog lover. Growing up we had a cat and my brother had gerbils, and though I love animals all around, dogs are close to my heart. The five most memorable:


I have to begin with Dooley. Dooley offered many firsts for me: my first rescue, my first mutt, my first small dog, my first snuggly dog... I lost him last March to heart disease, and my grief is still just a lump in my throat away. Dooley had more personality than most people, and was a bit Jekyl and Hyde: happy, fun and loving, and grumpy/snarly. Junior called him Mr. Grumpy (affectionately, of course). My pictures of him mostly show a sedate Dooley, but that's because when he was happy and playful he was simply in so much motion that you couldn't get a picture fast enough. Though I regret that, I carry happy images of him in my memory, even on his last day. Among all of my dogs, his loss has been the most difficult.


Brenna, Beloved Border Collie. I picked her up on the sheep farm where she was born in midstate New York (her picture is from that day). True to her breed she was smart and energetic. She was also a lover. She loved to burrow her face close to you, whether that meant your lap, your neck, or your feet. She was a happy dog and a wonderful companion. She would chase after anything that you threw, and wouldn't hesitate to bring you a stick from the yard to let you know it was time to play. One day she was so enthusiastic about chasing after sticks that she picked one up in her mouth only to have it move. Turned out it was a grown black snake. After that I began to work on my snake phobia. Brenna hated thunderstorms, and would often climb into the bathtub for refuge if I wasn't home. If I was home she would attempt a bodily merge. She died while I was on vacation, supposedly from a brain tumor, but I'm beginning to think that she got into something toxic, like chocolate.


I've included two sets of pups in this list. One is the five puppies I fostered this past Christmas. They were half of a litter orphaned at two weeks of age. I have a wide maternal streak that never got exercised with children of my own, so caring for and nurturing these pups meant a lot to me. They are now in new homes, and I saying goodbye to them was tearful, but happy. The gift of joy they gave me far outweighs what I gave them.


The other pup is Ema, Junior's chocolate lab, now 11 months old. Newly discharged from the army, Junior came home for a couple of months while he began shifting gears to civilian life. Ema came home shortly thereafter, and a couple of weeks later showed symptoms of parvo. While Junior took care of loose ends in Savannah, I tended Ema. She was part of my life and our family for six weeks, and caring for her through those tentative parvo days deepened the bond between Junior and me.


I can't isolate a fifth from my other pets. I had four Shelties. The first, Bonnie, was a gift at Christmas when I was ten. She had a litter of four pups, and was hit by a car three weeks before that Christmas while the pups were still at home. We kept one, Tammy. After Tammy came Avalon, and then Rory joined her. They each were special, precious and memorable (like Avalon barking at flies on the wall). Rory started a trend for me of having two dogs at one time, and I have had as many as three. If we had enough space here at home I would have a kennel full of rescues and fosters.


Thanks for the visit down pet-memory lane, revgals!

keeping upright

Life feels like this picture at the moment, though as with most metaphors, it has its limits. I'm attempting to navigate the vessel of my life through uncertain winds and through choppy waters. As of this moment (in the picture), I'm maintaining equilibrium. Conditions are favorable, but challenging. The scenery is fabulous. I'm outfitted appropriately against the elements. My wits, my attention, my experience, my willingness to be aboard and providence are what keep me upright. It's tiring. And conditions can change at any moment (favorably or otherwise!)

We are facing many challenges at home. The combination of last year's misfortunes (my loss of income, the economy, a client of Ken's who didn't pay a significant bill) leave us scrambling now. We are not ahead of the game, and the options available to us are disheartening. Ken says he's tired of fighting against the odds to keep his business functioning. I'm juggling making payments on bills. Somewhere in an online article I was reading about how to improve your credit rating. It suggested cutting back on luxuries and making bigger payments toward credit card debt. I laughed. Luxuries? There is no discretionary income. We haven't seen luxury in I don't know how long.

There are people better off than us, and certainly, these days, there are people far worse off. On the continuum of struggle, I venture we're about in the middle. It is what it is and we are where we are.

From my perspective we hold on, we pray, and we work toward and anticipate a shift in our favor. But Ken is discouraged, weary and does not appear to see the possibility for hope that I feel in my heart.

So I ask your prayers.

For all who suffer in this economy.

For favor to fall on Ken's business.

For Ken's spirits.

For strength, patience and wisdom for me as I keep him company during these "for poorer" and "for worse" days.

For prosperity for our nation.

I'd really like to sail in the kind of circumstances that allow me to revel in the experience. I pray that day comes sooner than later.

words of my father

There was a citizenship quiz posted on AOL, and, a bit cautiously, I decided to take it. Out of thirty questions, I missed one (the age minimum for a candidate for president--I confess I'm not cursing myself for not knowing that fact). I guess that means I am worthy of citizenship.

One of the questions, the age at which one is entitled to vote, reminded me of a conversation long ago that I had with my father. At issue in public debate was the matter of lowering the voting age from 21 to 18. Dad was in favor, and I remember his singular reason: "If they're old enough to be sent to war, they're old enough to vote." Made sense to me.

Recalling those words got me thinking about the wisdom of my parents (by my own perception) that I have captured somewhere in my memory. I say "somewhere" because I don't appear to be able to access that information on demand. A subject, like the questions on the citizenship quiz, will evoke a memory, but I could not otherwise have recalled that little snippet outright.

I'm thinking that when these moments of memory pop up I ought to start writing them down and collect them somewhere. Reviewing such a collection would offer an interesting perspective of the impact my parents' values and opinions had on shaping my own beliefs. It would, of course, be an incomplete picture because it would be an incomplete list. Still, it would be something. As my father ages and becomes increasingly frail (he will be 85 this week), the desire to make tangible those pieces of influence becomes important.

Time for a little reflection. Time for a daughter to honor her roots.

listen up!

Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody see what I see?

John Adams, 1776 (the musical)

I mentioned back in the fall that I had taken to reading editorials pretty regularly, a practice I have continued. Although I think Maureen Dowd must be on a detox diet of some kind (the toxins are showing up in her writing), I often wonder if the persons or groups to whom some editorials are directed ever pay attention to them.

Not surprisingly, many pieces of late have been on the economy and the stimulus bill. Others tackle the environment, education, health care, the middle east, and sometimes we get a break from political issues for more reflective looks at issues with softer edges.

It's a safe bet that the White House press office is reading all manner of papers (and editorials), but I hope that there are senior staff members, if not the president himself, that do the same. I say this because I find that there are a lot of good, thoughtful ideas generated from a collection of columnists that think proactively (as opposed to some of the rabid reactive columnists), and I live in hope that some of these thoughts and ideas stand a chance of being heard at the top level. Too much is at stake not to pay attention.

It was this editorial in today's Times that got me thinking about this. Again.

~~~~~~~~

And lest you think that my only pleasure found in the Times is cerebral, I share with you my favorite section of the times, the Metropolitan Diary (which, sadly, only appears on Monday). It offers a very human and often humorous view of New York. Read the whole thing. I am still laughing about the last entry.

i love facebook!

I can't remember when my friend Sue first sent me an invitation to join facebook. Months ago. I resisted. One more online site that I just couldn't keep up with. Then a second friend invited me to join and I thought, "why not?"

Why not, indeed? I have reconnected with several college classmates with whom I had lost touch, and one of my roommates from div school days. I am particularly excited to have found Jyothi (pronounced Joe-tee, accent on the second syllable), who got her masters in international studies. And thanks to facebook I now know she is living in Dublin and today heads to Warsaw. I am just tickled.

It is an amazingly fun and easy way to be "caught up," as well as learn little things simply by what people post in their status bar. To use a retro phrase, it's cool!

I now visit facebook multiple times a day just to get a smile and think about people who have been part of my life and that I still care about. And you never know, this might get a bunch of us to our 30th college reunion this fall.

Anne is heading to the shower...

favorite things

I missed yesterday's Revgalblogpals post, which was to list five of your favorite things, so I am using it today for this post. I have to say that limiting a "favorites" list to five is an exercise in cruelty! I have a lot of favorite things, but I stuck to five. These are not necessarily my top five, nor are they in any order other than as I encountered these pictures in Picasa. But my five, today, are these:

1) Dogs (that's Flora, of foster puppyhood). I think you probably already knew that.

2) My Sisterhood. There are really two sets of sisterhood. One is the Cabana Crew, a group of scrappers who know each other and with whom group get-togethers are planned. The other is comprised of what I call my "far flung" friends, who live at a distance and who are tonics to my soul. The latter are pictured here: Barbara, in Augusta; Jayne, in north GA; Carrie (and Katie) in St. Louis; and Judy, in CT. There are some others who fit this category who aren't pictured here.

3) Sheep. Thank you, Jules and Mom, for keeping me supplied.

4) Laughter.

and

5) Solitary pleasures like crossword puzzles and sudoku.

There are many people that ought to be included here, but I intentionally avoided going that route so as not to hurt any feelings. I know how sensitive I am about perceiving exclusion. Besides, this is supposed to be a small list!

Today I am doing a couple of other favorite things: meeting with Epiphany's women (see earlier post: they rock!) and a Pampered Chef party. I am also doing some prep for tomorrow--a sort of "primer" on the bible for adult education, and of course, the sermon. There are so many goodies in tomorrow's lessons, and I am hardpressed to choose just one.

Blessings on your day!

back in the saddle

I've had my nose to the grindstone the last few days working on the church's newsletter. It's the first since my return, and although it was hard to get it started, "once begun is half done," as the saying goes. Still, it is time consuming, especially the clip art! But fun, too. What is different this time around is that I can now create a pdf and email the newsletter out to parishioners. Like today. No printing, folding, addressing, stamping, putting in the mail. I will still have to create a few hard copies the old-fashioned way because there are folks without computers and email, but OMG, the savings in time and money is fabulous. Three cheers for technology!

In the meantime I've been very annoyed with the press (and the public) for raking virtually everyone over the coals for as much as sneezing without permission. Obama, Michael Phelps, you name it, no one is safe. And the Republicans are chastising democrats en masse on the whole tax thing. I'd be willing to bet that more than a few 'pubs have placed calls to accountants to address those "look the other way" incidents on their own records. Just consider the law of averages, people. I imagine Jon Stewart is taking notes with glee.

So that's my ramble. Dull days here in the cedar city. Busy, but dull. Here's hoping that life is more interesting in your corner of the world!

above the fold (well, sort of!)

Last week I received a phone call from a writer for our local paper. He wanted to know what sort of reaction the church had to some events happening in the larger church, specifically the defection of two dioceses from The Episcopal Church (our national body). Were we talking about it, and what were we saying?

I told him frankly that we weren’t talking about it because we were busy focusing on mission and ministry. I could tell by his silence that he was a little confused. I went on to explain to him the events of the last several years for Epiphany so that he would have a context for understanding why we weren’t focused on national issues of controversy. I could hear him scribbling at the other end of the phone, and exercised caution with my choice of words. I had not answered the phone with any expectation that a conversation would ensue with a journalist, or that it would end up in print. But it did!

The next morning I had an email from a friend saying she hadn’t had a chance to read the article yet, but congratulations! I emailed back, “what article?” She, in turn, replied, “the one in the paper.” Okay, well, duh. I subsequently learned that my chat with the journalist had, in fact, become an article in our local paper.

The article contained a slew of factual errors, and though the quotes from me were “accurate,” they’d been edited and didn't reflect the content or context in a way that made any sense. I hate when that happens. No one else noticed, of course, and those with whom I talked later thought it was a great article and wonderful exposure for Epiphany. We’ll take it!

Now to get back to the business of growing the church. Can't count on the newspaper to do it all for us!

for better or worse

(I just need to point out that this image of a woman preaching was the only one tucked into 100's of others showing men, or graphics related to preaching. Are we surprised?)

Since the time I started blogging I had seen references to another blog, for women in or discerning a religious vocation. Revgalblogpals is a home for mostly clergy women representing various traditions and situated in locales around the globe. If memory serves (ha!) I visited there a while ago and felt oddly intimidated by what I read.

A recent reference to the site from another blog I read daily, Elizabeth Kaeton's Telling Secrets, sent me back there last week, and I have become a daily visitor. I think that, at the time I first visited, I was feeling disengaged from the Church, and the topics under discussion simply didn't interest me. Life is different now, my faith is revitalizing, and I have a tentative yearning to jump back in.

There are some staple features at revgal, which include matters related to preaching. On Tuesdays, the lessons for the following Sunday are introduced and some preliminary thoughts are shared. Last week, prompted by the opportunity to read what others were thinking about, I began my own reflections in anticipation of preaching yesterday. On Saturdays the blog is an online coffee klatch of preachers who are writing, stuck, procrastinating, or have completed their sermon preparation for the next day. In other words, there is lots of exchange and more ideas get shared than you can shake a stick at.

Consequently I was better prepared to preach yesterday than usual. This proved to be dangerous. I preach extemporaneously, and I fear that there were so many nuggets tucked into the text of the gospel that I wandered all over that holy land in an effort to share them. My preaching was richer on the one hand, less accessible on the other, at least by my take.

Now as we enter a new week with new lessons on the horizon I feel challenged to make better use of this new tool available to me. It is a wonderful gift, but I will need to discipline myself with how to use it. This abundance of riches can inform me without overhwelming me. In my enthusiasm for sharing the wealth I will need to remember that one message suffices for the week.

I also need to overcome the notion of feeling insignificant in the presence of a lot of other women who share this vocational journey. I have a lifelong issue about feeling invisible that gets its dander up when I am present somewhere and go unrecognized. My friend Jayne, who I met on a message board where I suffered from this self-inflicted malady, knows too well how this plagues me since I often lament these situations to her (here we go again, Jayne!). I will endeavor not to take this personally, because it is not personal and I know that. Still, old wounds and all...

A new week, a new thought, and so many options to explore. I'm a lucky girl.

What, no takers on seismicity? I'm disappointed...

Friday morning I went to the kennel to bid farewell to the puppies. Oh my, how they've grown! The two that I got to know best when they were here were Flora and Wee One (or Little Bit, as Junior called her). Flora has become a cuddler, and Wee One is still small and tucks into a hold easily. They are all still just the most precious things. I wished them all a good life in their new homes, and I truly had to tear myself away, fighting tears when I got into the car and headed home. It's amazing how a couple of weeks with those puppies have touched my heart.

Yesterday we had a Pampered Chef kitchen shower for the church. Let me just say that we have an awesome group of women at Epiphany. I was running very late, and they didn't hesitate to jump in and help prepare the food. I was beating myself up for not being better prepared, and they were entirely forgiving and just settled into talking about the products and what the church needed. I just love these women. I wish I had taken my camera and had a picture of them (I may just try to coordinate that today). They had also collected orders from others and we ended up with close to a $1500 show, and $415 worth of free products. You rock, ladies!

Today the sun is shining and the sky is blue. It's supposed to be "unseasonably warm" today, and Ken is going to seize the temperatures this afternoon and get some work done on a job that has been waiting for a day like this. I will, no doubt, be taking my usual Sunday afternoon nap, but I will try to stay away and get some things done around here. The week ahead looks to be busy and there won't be much time to tend to domestic necessities.

Have a wonderful day.

i love words!

the volcano in a peaceful repose

Yesterday I was listening to NPR while on the road doing some errands and they were talking to a scientist about the imminent eruption of Mt. Redoubt (yes, that is really its name) in Alaska. In the course of the conversation, the scientist (I’m sure there’s a name for his specialty—he may be more than a seismologist), referred to the “seismicity” of activity related to the volcano. Love it! Seismicity. It feels good on the tongue.

I began to imagine uses for it in daily conversation. Like, “the seismicity of your mood does not bode well.” Or, “I’ve never seen anything like the seismicity of last night’s party!”

So your challenge for today is to use seismicity in a sentence. At least one. Go for a record if you choose, and report in on your results.

I’ll help you get started by sharing Webster’s definition (which, of course, refers back to another word).
seis-mic-ity, noun. 1) the property or state of being seismic 2) the frequency, intensity, etc. of earthquake activity in a given region.
seis-mic adj. to excite, shake, shock, to be excited, sparkle…

Go on. Have some fun!

sing out and sign on, America

I am indebted to my friend Yolande for sharing this video with me. I've watched it multiple times and never tire of the words, the tune, the video images, or the way it makes me feel (in fact, I'm listening to it now as I type!). It is the signature piece of Norman Lear's creation Born Again American. For some reason the video on the web site gets cut off about half way through, but it's worth visiting the site and learning more.

And can I just say what a thrill it is to see the choir from All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena featured in this video?

Give me an Amen!

vessels

Tedious as church business gatherings can be, they are extraordinary vessels. For instance:

• I did some knitting. Not only did this effort advance the project on which I worked (a scarf, which will be given to Ken's employee, who is also the new owner of my old ski-jacket), but it got me knitting again. A two-fer.
• I saw people I hadn't seen in weeks, months, and since last year. I remembered their names, and they knew mine--assurance in the midst of mid-life mental lapses! Sometimes these encounters are more like grazes, but often they are gifts. Last year I spent considerable time with one friend who died three months later. I thank God regularly for the gift of that time with her who I miss.
• I got inspired. In addition to being renewed by Bishop Jenkins' words there is a resurrection story happening within our own diocese, just down the road from us. Bishop Jenkins also talked about times of crisis and challenge doubling as opportunity, and this is just such a story marked by grace upon grace. I'll tell that another time.
• I prayed. This is not as obvious as it sounds. When you're the one leading prayer the opportunity to pray in the pew comes infrequently. I seize it with relish.
• We adjusted the budget to save someone's job. A few years ago my own job was saved by a similar measure. Time to pay it back (or forward).
• There was time, especially over meals, to get better acquainted with our delegates. Deepening relationships is always a good thing.

A wise chaplain once suggested to me that the Episcopal tradition was a necessary vessel in my life. The structure of the liturgy freed my spirit to grow, and the pattern of corporate life and institutional governance offered grounding for my creativity. She was right.

Vessels contain and transport, a sort of paradox that reminds me that there is more balance in the world around me than I often recognize, and opportunity when I allow myself to be engaged. I chose the image above because its eventual shape is yet to be determined--it can become all manner of things, and serve any number of purposes. Just like a church meeting. Just like us.

keeping the light

Since hearing Bishop Jenkins speak last weekend I have been looking for some written reflection of his to which I can refer for refreshment. While I have not found writings related to what he spoke to us at our convention I did discover his blog. The blog is mostly newsy, although woven through it one gets a sense of the man's passions, convictions and insight. I could stand to hear and read from him regularly!

What struck me most significantly in his remarks the other day was as he related his personal struggle through, and after, hurricane Katrina. He has been diagnosed with PTSD, and though living with that disorder has its costs, he has been particularly concerned about his spiritual experience.

Bishop Jenkins defined resurrection in a way that I've never heard before. He described it as being in pain and darkness and still having the capacity to praise God. It struck a chord with me because in the years since my "conversion" (more than 20 years ago), my own life has been infused with episodes of pain, darkness and struggle pretty regularly. In the midst of such an existence it is difficult to have much spiritual energy for anything beyond keeping the embers of faith alive. The phrase "the dark night of the soul" is used to describe such episodes (and the "night" is not in human time). It is akin to depression, but strikes a different part of us. Daily functioning continues apace, though impaired, as if a patch were covering one eye. For a person of faith the core of one's being is at risk, and the soul is in anguish.

Theologically resurrection implies that death, or darkness, is left behind, and that transformation and renewal replace the pain of what was. This notion of resurrection dominates our perception and our belief. In search of an image to include with this post I googled "resurrection," and nearly all the images depicted a risen Christ or the evidence of his rising, the empty tomb (the remaining images were either sunrises, or what I would call artistic license with appropriations of the word).

Time to regroup. I was looking for an image that reflected a personal experience of resurrection that somehow depicted the transition from death to new life. I thought of the butterfly and what is called chrysalis--the process of transformation from catepillar to cocoon to emerged being (mostly the latter). Most of those images focused on the cocoon, which didn't reveal the process that was taking place inside it. Images of butterflies emerging from the cocoon didn't capture the pain of transformation, though they did reveal an outer glory.

The problem with resurrection is that while the theology of it is powerful and inspiring, the reality of the experience of it doesn't match its definition. I'm not sure there really is a singular word for what Bishop Jenkins describes as resurrection. While his definition doesn't match the biblical record it is no less real or accurate. It is, perhaps, a still vulnerable step toward the fullness of what the Church claims resurrection to be. And while we experience resurrections of all kinds throughout our lives--new beginnings that follow endings of various kinds--the soul is too complex to reduce to the generalized terminology we use to describe theological beliefs.

"The Church" promotes the idea of resurrection as being done with what was and moving on to embrace what is. It implies closure. You don't ever hear Jesus talking about how his side hurts where he was pierced, or that raising his arms in an outstretched manner brings back painful memories of the crucifixion.

I haven't walked the kind of path Bishop Jenkins has. My own journey suggests that his resurrection experience is still unfolding and that its implications will continue to be profound, not only for him, but the rest of us who are lucky enough to learn from it. I am grateful that as I look back at the road I have travelled there are only pockets of darkness, and that the remainder bears evidence of illumination that made it possible for me to move forward. That is the faith of which Bishop Jenkins speaks. That is the resurrection of being in darkness and not losing the light. That is the hope that keeps the embers hot even when they do not glow. That is the presence of God.

watered

The last several days have been full and busy. Our diocesan convention was pretty much "business as usual," with elections, reports by committees, discussion on the budget, and so on. Most notable is that it was not contentious as in years past, and our bishop gave an address that, much as the inaugural speech of our new president, reflected an honest appraisal of the challenges we face (with a touch of humor here and there). There were some highlights, like seeing people that I have come to know and enjoy over the years, and exchanging happy greetings and hugs with them, and I added several inches in length to a scarf I was knitting. I also had the pleasure of snuggling with young Hadley Spurlock, daughter of another priest whose wife is a good friend. Hadley will be two in March, and she and I have a special bond.

The lasting impact from this convention, however, was the message of our guest speaker and preacher, The Right Reverend Charles Jenkins, bishop of Louisiana. Bishop Jenkins was flooded out of his home when hurricane Katrina hit, and even as he was struck by loss, grief and trauma from that event he also led a charge to responding to other victims left homeless and, often, helpless. Though we heard some of the details of what life looked like after a devastating hurricane, I was touched by his spiritual journey and his struggles to cope with the experience. His reflection and sharing watered my own parched soul, and this morning, with time and the benefit of solitude, I am being attentive to the voice of my soul as it responds to Bishop Jenkin's words and their meaning. (Stay tuned--it's too much to put in one post.)

In addition to the convention we had a full morning on Sunday at church, with higher than usual attendance that included some visitors (yay!). Monday I had a busy morning at the office, followed by hours and hours of data-entry trying to get an updated directory ready for print. Then, at the eleventh hour I did an online search for software that would handle our needs and at about 9 PM last night found what looks to be a great program for FREE! I downloaded it and started re keying the info, finally forcing myself to stop when David Letterman went off the air (I am NEVER up that late!).

Today I have miscellaneous items on my agenda. It's a rainy, messy day but that's okay with me. I can hang in my jammies for a while and be reflective before getting down to business.

I've missed being in touch.

hablamos espanol

I am happy to report that a ballot initiative to make Nashville an "english only" locale has failed. Small minds believe that what binds a community is its common language. I understand the frustration of trying to communicate with others whose english is heavily accented, but that personal frustration has no place in determining whether or not a member of our society in distress should be able to communicate with government or other officials in order to get information or express their needs. To me this is bigotry, plain and simple: "be like me, deal with it."

It's been a good week for celebrating citizenship.

In that vein, today our diocesan convention begins. We don't have anything particularly decisive on the agenda beyond the usual elections and budgetary decisions. In fact, contrary to the "noise" that tends to dominate the headlines about fractiousness in our Church, there are some really wonderful things taking place right here in our diocese. I'll try to share some of that soon. Still, I suspect it will be something of a long couple of days, so I've got a knitting project ready to go to keep me from getting utterly bored.

Off to take care of a few things before we head downtown. I may not have time to report in tomorrow, so I'm wishing you all a happy and blessed weekend.

missing you

This has been a challenging week. At home we are the walking wounded: Ken with his back troubles, and me recovering from my inter costal muscle injury (ribcage). I have felt fatigued, and things that were on my to do list have not gotten done. My retention of details is hit or miss and can't be relied on. Ken is frustrated by his injury, not being able to work and thus not getting paid, and the stress begins to mount. If I were a bath person I would say "Calgon, take me away!"

But I'm not a bath person so other coping methods must be employed. Today I think I will try to get myself out of the house to take care of necessary and postponed errands. The house needs to be cleaned from the disarray caused by Christmas (and now, the absence of Christmas) and in anticipation of guests. This weekend is our diocesan convention and it looks to be rather boring. Time to resurrect a knitting project to keep myself from going stir-crazy during the next two days!

And so I come here to be in touch with another part of my world, the people who I wished lived closer. The ones I would love to meet for coffee, go to the beach with, hang out in their hot tub or simply laugh with. The ones I would walk with (in the snow! that means you, Gail), talk with, scrap with. The ones I love and love me back. I miss you all.

In the meantime I am reveling in Obama, and it feels good to feel good about something that is going right, even if it's baby steps at a time. Stars are aligning in the universe, God is answering prayers and hearts are singing the same song. As Julian of Norwich famously said, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

Blessings to you all, with love.

wow!

In spite of a mangled start, yesterday was awesome.

We were at the doctor's by 8:30, but didn't get shown to the inner sanctum for another hour. It was another 25 minutes before we saw the doctor. The good news is that after the exam the doctor believes this is a muscle problem. Solution: painkillers and suitable stretching exercises, and an x-ray to rule out anything more serious. We were in the car at 10:15 and I was thinking, "yes, we can do this. Swing by the drug store to get the prescriptions and get home in time for the swearing in at 11:00 (we're Central Time, remember). " Then Ken says, "let's go take care of the x-ray."

So there I sat in the outpatient waiting room at the hospital, where at least there was a TV! Ken emerged just before the swearing in, and knew better than to suggest that we leave at that point. I have to say that I was astounded by the lack of attention the event was receiving by others in the waiting area. As far as I could tell there were two or three others watching. When the crowd in Washington stood for Obama's swearaing in I stood too, and when he was "official," I alone applauded. I wanted to cheer, but felt conspicuous enough being the only one there who was demonstrating any concern for this historic event.

Anyway, I heard most of the speech in the car, and we got into the house in time to see the last two minutes on TV. I grabbed my special occasion chip and dip to celebrate, and settled in for the coverage. It was a glorious day in so many respects. The joy of so many people remains for me the standout impression, and little moments here and there kept me glued to the tube. I love this picture from the Commander-in-Chief Ball, with the olive branches surrounding the seal of the president. And the shot of Sasha giving her dad the thumbs up reminds us that in the midst of protocol and formality we remain ordinary human beings who appreciate the approval of our kids.

Now to get to work, all of us, to do what we can do restore health and prosperity to our families, our communities and our nation, and seek in the end to change the world.

conflict

The original title of today's post was "i'm so excited I could just plotz!" Today is one of the most momentous in our country's history, and certainly in my own life. I have been looking forward to being home and watching TV coverage all day, weeping through the swearing in, and enjoying the festivities from my carefully scoped out and personally claimed spot on the couch.

That was until Ken bent over to put his socks on and sent his back into terrible pain. My day has just been derailed. It has become all about Ken. I will be the dutiful wife and get him to the doctor, pick up prescriptions or whatever else might be necessary to help him feel better. I will Do The Right Thing. And I am very upset.

It's not Ken's fault that the timing of this episode coincides with Obama's inauguration. I'm not mad at him (though I am annoyed with his attitude). A little empathy would be nice. I've only been looking forward to this since November 4, and I will get over it. After all, there are many people who won't be able to watch today's events live, as they unfold. There will be highlights and replays throughout the day and this evening. I might be able to see some of the good parts live, but I'm bracing myself for disappointment.

Let's just say that I'm crushed. I won't be able to get this day back, and it means more to me than I have words to express. I will wear my "life is good" shirt with the red, white and blue design on it, and give thanks to God for the miracle of Barack Obama becoming our president. Y'all do know that the word Obama means "blessing," don't you?

Enjoy this day. It is a blessing and a miracle. We'll be going to the doctor and there are people without medical care. Our household is college-educated with one advanced degree and others lack adequate access to education. We have a roof over our heads and cable to watch historic events while others are homeless. I don't feel sorry for myself. Life is good. And today life will begin a journey toward better for a whole lot of people. Thank you, God. Thank you Barack and Michelle. And thank you Sasha and Malia for sharing your daddy with the rest of us.

insight

As I grow into my position at the church and various matters come up, people reveal their colors. There is one man that I haven't really been able to get a handle on--he's not especially outgoing, and though he appears reserved I have seen him laugh and smile. Email exchanges with him, though there have not been many, are direct and to the point.

Over the last several days in an effort to get clarity on something we have had several email exchanges. I now feel that I can refer to him as cranky. I wouldn't call him a curmudgeon, because he doesn't seem ill-tempered or sour, but he isn't exactly approachable, either.

In thinking about whether or not he might be described as a curmudgeon I got to wondering what the female version of that person would be called. A google search suggests that there isn't a word, though one person nominated the comic strip character "Maxine" as epitomising those "virtues." Another suggested Ann Coulter, which made me laugh. I don't think she's old enough to be a curmudgeon, but something seems to be perpetually stuck up her butt.

I actually don't think this particular man at church is a perpetually cranky guy, he's just expressing crankiness about a matter with which he is uncomfortable. That's probably true of any number of people. I think, rather, that he lacks finesse (again, he has company there), and perhaps looking at his behavior has the potential to help me overlook how he acts and instead focus on the matter at hand.

I'm glad we had this little talk. Thanks for being there.

this 'n' that

37 Random Things About me (thanks, Jules)

1. Do you like blue cheese? In small doeses
2. Have you ever smoked? Not as a habit
3. Do you own a gun? I don’t, but my hub does
4. What flavor Kool Aid is your favorite? I don’t drink Kool Aid, but it would probably be orange
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? no
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I try not to think of them, but that doesn’t stop me from eating them occasionally
7. Favorite Christmas movie? It’s a Wonderful Life
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee!
9. Can you do push-ups? That’s a good one!
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? For beauty, my engagement ring. For sentiment my wedding ring—it was my great-great-grandmother’s wedding ring.
11. Favorite hobby? Creating anything, though lately I haven’t indulged in anything creative
12. Do you have A.D.D? No, but I have a copy cat disorder called mid-life.
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? I need glasses to read.
14. Middle name? McKinne
15. Name thoughts at this moment? What am I going to wear today?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, water, cranberry juice
17. Current worry? Booking enough Pampered Chef shows to reach my sales goals
18. Current hate right now? I don’t really hate anything
19. Favorite place to be? In the presence of good friends
20. How did you bring in the New Year? Nothing special—I was grateful for a day off on the first!
21. Where would you like to go? To Florida to see my friends!
22. Name three people who will complete this? Two people already did (Kip and Jules). Jayne might.
23. Do you own slippers? Wear them constantly
24 What color shirt are you wearing? I’m still in my jammies—the top is cranberry
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I’m not sure I ever have, but I’m thinking no
26. Can you whistle? Am I my father’s daughter? (that means “yes”)
27. Favorite Color? To wear: blue, to decorate: a pale, warm yellow, or sage green
28. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower, but I do talk to myself
29. Would you be a pirate? Only with the dread pirate Roberts
30. Favorite Girl's Name? I like Emma and Olivia
31. Favorite boy's name? I’ve never had a favorite boy’s name
32. What's in your pocket right now? Nothing
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Well, this wasn’t the last thing, but it’s the last specific thing I remember—from Gail Collins’ NY Times column earlier this week: So far, the Bush farewell appearances have not drawn a lot of rave reviews. (Most striking, perhaps, was a critique of that final press conference from Ted Anthony of The Associated Press: “It all felt strangely intimate and, occasionally, uncomfortable, in the manner of seeing a plumber wearing jeans that ride too low.”)
34. What vehicle do you drive? Saturn VUE
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Shattered heel
36. Do you love where you live? Yes
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three

a fresh look at a holiday classic

Do you need a laugh today? Sit back and enjoy this. Be sure to have kleenex on hand to wipe the tears away. Thanks to my friend Mendy who posted this on facebook.

discoveries

as in, food!

In Denver you would have to be blind to miss the eatery just across the street from the Hyatt Regency downtown: Bubba Gump's. The place was fun and the food sounded fabulous. It was hard to decide what to eat and I, unfortunately, did not choose well. They boasted New England Clam Chowder. If you're no where near New England, it had better be good if you're bothering to put it on the menu. Well, at Bubba's not so much. My companions, however, thought their mahi mahi was fabulous, and my director's shrimp was given two thumbs up. Like I said, I didn't choose well.

Night two, however, was another story. I joined three directors on our team to wander a bit farther down the tourist-beaten path to Venice. Ooh la la! The ambience was nice, the wine good, and the food--extraordinary. We shared calimari with two sauces: a pesto, and a red sauce that was made up of marinara and buffalo wing sauce. Yum! There was just enough heat and the flavor combinations were great. One of our number had a rissoto with lobster and strawberries that was a hit, another had butternut squash ravioli, still another had tortellini with an amazing gorgonzola sauce. I had ravioli with chicken, spinach, pancetta and tomatoes. Ohhh, my... We had coupons from the hotel for free desserts, and three of us went for profitiroles with chocolate mousse sauce. OMG! And check out the wine cellar!On the third night I met my sister-in-law, Margaret and we headed out in search of anyplace that had room for two. We lucked out at the Rialto cafe, where I had ahi tuna with ginger and wasabi, and a caeser salad. Yummy! Margaret had the soup of the day, a ginger-carrot soup, and a fabulous spinach salad. We struck gold, and had great service.Back on home turf, this morning I passed a mediterranean restaurant downtown on my way to an appointment, and on my way back stopped in to pick up lunch. I'm thinking it's time to spend some culinary time with mediterranean fare. I had a gyro, which I always love, and it's a safe place to start. But the place was hopping with all sorts of folks, and I even ran into a fellow 'pisci priest from Vermont who is doing a Ph D at Vanderbilt. We had a nice chat, and I will definitely be visiting the Fattoush Cafe again as soon as I can! Next time, the platter.

I'm baa-aacck!

... such a view! ours didn't include leaves

Not surprisingly, catching up from being out of town means I am squeezed for time. My sleep is out of whack--I haven't been sleeping well for several weeks, and Sundays always mess me up because a nap in the afternoon is inevitable. This morning I am scrambling to get my day under control...

Denver was fabulous--the conference was stimulating, motivating, and revealed some awesome opportunities. We discovered some good restaurants, got a feel for the downtown area, saw snow on the mountains from the hotel and convention center, and I had a chance to have dinner with my sister-in-law, Margaret. That was a special treat!

Back at the ranch there is lots to do--at home, at the church, with my Pampered Chef business... I've got an intimidating to do list, but I've already checked three items off of it this morning. I'm psyched about PC and tackling some of the mundane administrative matters at the office. Speaking of which, it's time to get there! I'll try to report with some specificity about the last several days as soon as I can. For now, have a good one!

on the fly!

I'm out the door in just a moment (an hour earlier than I had anticipated!) to head to Denver for a few days for Pampered Chef's Leadership Summit. I'm excited, but also in pain... a week ago I pulled/tore something while tending to puppies, which I now believe is connective tissue just inside my ribcage. Hurts like hell when I move certain ways, and oh, man, turning over in bed is the worst! Anyway, I will be sitting and walking in the next few days and not doing much else that is physical, fortunately.

So be good while I'm gone and I'll check back in Sunday afternoon sometime when I have a chance.

Ciao, bellas!

getting out into the world

Well, the blog world at least. I spent most of yesterday devising a blog to serve as a web site for my diocese's new environmental ministry. I am on the steering committee for this group, and though I have a passion for living more "greenly," I am still woefully uninformed on many of the issues and facts. I am catching up, but when you consider that one of our team members is a director with the state Nature Conservancy office, well, you get the picture. So I offered to take on putting together this web site as my part of shouldering the work of our ministry team.

Mostly the work went well, but I am totally stuck trying to position the above image where I want it on the web page. When I have achieved that I'll share the link! I know you all don't care that it isn't perfect right now, but it matters to me to reveal the finished product as I want it to look.

It was, and continues to be, an interesting task doing this work. I surfed the Internet checking out existing web sites that communicate the work being done "out there" on matters effecting our environment. Faith groups are pretty active, and fairly creative. Just goes to show that you don't have to have a lot of money to implement good practices.

Here at home we're recycling fanatics, a good thing, but I'm learning that recycling doesn't have much impact when it comes to making a significant dent in the grand scheme of things. (It's still important, but there's sooooo much more to do.)

Today I'll soldier on trying to wrap up my work on this project, at least for now. I've also got a parishioner recovering from knee surgery, one down with the flu, another who is grieving the loss of her mother, and a child whose legs are temporarily paralyzed from some sort of flu (I can never get the name right). We're a small church, but we're full of human experiences!

Wishing you a green, and healthy day...

today's recipe for the journey

Maybe it's the effective osmosis of new year thinking, a wake-up call or a dormant longing, but it's time for me to get out of myself. There are too many things that I want to accomplish and ways I want to grow that aren't served by remaining on my present path.

I need to acknowledge that, given the dark and wounded place of my life nine months ago I am grateful that I am on any path at all. All the same, this present path is well beaten and rather indistinct. I am a creature who needs a certain amount of familiarity for comfort and refuge, but I also know that I thrive on discovering new things and encountering new horizons. The latter have been missing for too long, and it is up to me to change that.

I am not making a resolution. Of late I have noted patterns that interfere with achieving simple tasks, never mind larger goals and satisfying dreams. Part of discovery is zeroing in on those and finding ways to alter, if not overcome them. This is about dedication. Time to focus on a few of the trees so that I may enjoy the entirety of the forest.

Frankly, that shouldn't be so hard to do. I have always loved trees, so I guess the thing to do is honor the love. Embrace the tree. Take the time to admire the beauty as well as the metaphor and learn from it. One tree at a time. That's it. And before I know it I will have worked my way from tree to tree through the forest, tracing my own path and encountering who knows what along the way. That sounds like the Anne I know and love.

I feel better already.

dashing through the morning!

I overslept this morning so I'm in a bit of a rush to pull myself together and get out the door in time to get to church. And of all mornings... today the bishop will be with us.

I spent the day yesterday preparing for our Twelfth Night party last night. I was pleased with the results, but sadly, we had a low turnout. We enjoyed the guests who did come, and I guess the good news is that we have plenty of leftovers to take to church this morning for the potluck that follows the service! The house got cleaned up a bit as well, which is always a good thing, and floors got mopped!The other event yesterday is that we said goodbye to the puppies. The timing was right for us since we had the party last night, and on Wednesday I head to Denver for a Pampered Chef conference. Still, I miss those adorable little critters and will wonder about them for years. In another month they will head to Connecticut where they have homes waiting for them. I volunteered to drive them (great way to make a trip to see my family), but the arrangements have already been made. Oh well.

Off to beautify myself, as the saying goes. Hope it's a great day for all!

project 365

There is a rage in the scrapping world this week around something called "Project 365." The idea behind it is for the length of a year to take a picture each day and make journal notes for the day. At the end of the year one's life for that duration would be uniquely, and rather thoroughly, documented.

I have decided to give it a try, stealing the format of my friend Janet rather than purchase the ready-made album for the purpose (see above). Janet's version is done entirely by digital/word processing means. I don't have to print out pictures, I can crop and collage as I need, and lay out the journaling and pictures on the page just so, adjusting size, fonts, and so on to create what I want.

I have managed to journal the week, and for the most part I have pictures for each day. The latter is a bit of a challenge since my days are pretty routine, but perhaps that is good incentive to alter my routine and nudge it toward some different things. Who knows where the year will lead? At least at its conclusion I'll be able to track it each and every day.

Today? Gotta cook and clean for our Twelfth Night party tonight. Time to get on the stick, there's work to be done!

where did I leave my mind?

There are days when I am astounded that I function at all. From one moment to the next I can't recall what I was doing or setting out to do. Ken and I will have a conversation and then I will ask him a question, the answer to which we had just discussed. At other times I am singularly focused, competent, productive and creative. What goes on here?

I know that as we age our brain function shifts to a lower gear, but mine seems to be performing like a car at the mercy of someone first learning how to drive a stick shift. Lurch, drive, lurch, drive, lurch, stall. It is beyond annoying.

For all of these reasons I have returned to the former habit of making lists (why did I ever stop?). It doesn't mean that I check off all the items on that list, but at least they serve as a record of intent, if not follow-through. Changing the habit of procrastination is another matter, but that one will be a tougher nut to crack.

This morning I am feeling at loose ends, not the best sign for making my way through today's list expeditiously. At least I had a productive day yesterday and can actually see the entirety (yes, the entirety!) of the top of my desk. Furthermore the floor is fairly clear of debris and the very suggestion of space induces happiness.

Now to tackle the list. Breathe. Do one thing. Cross it off the list. Breathe. Do another thing. Cross if off the list. Breathe....