friday five: random

At RevGals Revkjarla writes:

I don't know about you, but my life seems to have a lot of random surprises lately.  Just little things,

like the doggy in the picture, who was rescued by a Good Samaritan from running into traffic, who then brought him to the police, who brought him to my neighbor's house.  I took the doggy, now named Scout, to the vet on Monday, and the woman behind the desk said, "This dog looks so familiar.  Were you here last week?"  I told her no, that this particular dog is a stray, and she looked at me, and said (use your best Boston accent here), "Oh my GAWD!  I rescued that dog on Satuhday!  I took him to the police!" and then she proceeded to tell me the story.  She was Scout's angel.    

Random, right? 

So, for our Friday Five, I invite you share five random things about you, or five random thoughts, or five random surprises in your life. 

Just be random!

I started out with some small world stuff but quickly realized that they probably only seem fascinating to me...

1)  I wrap presents without tape and my bows don't have knots. I learned this from my mother, who learned it from her mother. Now my daughter and daughter-in-law want to know how to work such magic. Glad there will be at least one legacy by which to be remembered!

2)  In spite of the fact that I'm not a jock and I hate to sweat I graduated from college as a phys. ed. major.  My conversion came about when I checked a book out of the library the summer after my sophomore year called Winning is Everything and Other American Myths, which is a collection of essays on sport sociology. Who knew there was such a discipline? The clincher came when what I was learning in my Kinesiology and Anatomy of Human Movement classes became applicable as a gymnastics coach. That was one of the most exciting periods of my college experience.

3)  I play the recorder. It's been years since mine has seen the light of day or ear heard its sweet song. My brother and I used to play duets with some regularity, and once upon a time I played as a member of the "Cathedral Consort" when I lived in Hartford. It was wonderful discipline to be part of that group and they were forgiving when I had a tough time on the high notes. I also got introduced to some great music as a result. Gosh, thinking back to that time brings a smile to my face...

4)  I learned about a woman who celebrated her 38th birthday by doing 38 random acts of kindness for people. It'll probably take some doing (not to mention some time) to do as many raks as years I will have to celebrate on my next birthday, but I've already got some ideas about some things I might do. I'm open to suggestions on this, by the way. On facebook there's a page called The Birthday Project that is about the same kind of thing.

5)  I have an extra vertebrae in the coccygeal area of my spine. This might contribute to my "long rise."

holiday aid

I mentioned in my friday five post that I was going to make an effort to document the month of December in some way to capture its meaning to me. Along came a great tool for accomplishing such a thing, a holiday photo checklist. The problem with it, as with so many holiday and internet-available aids, is that it doesn't really suit individuals or families that don't have children upon whom to focus. Although we have grandchildren they are not nearby, so my photo opportunities need to focus elsewhere.

Being the resourceful chickie that I am, however, I have created my own list that doesn't rely on little ones to complete the Christmas picture. I have already updated this since first posting to include some additional thoughts, though the list does reflect my own life at the moment, which doesn't have a community of faith with which we are involved, nor a circle of friends locally with whom to celebrate and enjoy various sorts of exchanges. Take it for what it's worth. These lists are suggestions and a place to start thinking about photos or ways to document the holiday that don't require young ones.

I am indebted to the gift of a rainbow in this morning's sky while out with the dogs earlier. I was unable to capture a picture of it due to the delay in getting to my own camera. Now THAT would have been a great addition to the collection.  I at least had the presence of mind to thank God for the gift of seeing it. Not all is lost!

Click on the image for a closer look if you're so inclined. This is free for sharing as a pdf.

Blessed second Sunday of Advent!

lelftovers

And by that I mean these are the memories that linger after the event has passed.

We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving meal with our friends Jimmy and Barbara. Jimmy thoughtfully took a turn behind the camera so that I might actually show up in a photo. One of these days I'll learn how to get him into the picture via photoshop.

We were at Melrose for the long weekend, something I didn't mention out of a sense of caution not to advertise our absence from home. I've never worried about that before, but this time I erred on the side of, well, caution! Friday morning we had some dense fog, and it occurred to me that some pictures besides the obscured front view might be out there somewhere. Here's one.

 

 We promised Mom a picture of the Thanksgiving spread. Melrose is a place of hospitality, and over the years gatherings of all sizes have been seated at this table. Ken, especially, wanted Mom to see Melrose hospitality being enjoyed at his favorite holiday. Alas, we do not have a group shot of everyone at the table.

 

Here's Jude, at 4 and a half months looking every bit the chunky monkey (Trisha's phrase!) wearing 12-month clothes. I was reminded by his attire that I had forgotten all about a "my first thanksgiving" bib I bought for him. Note to self: Ashley covers all those bases, so I don't need to do so in the future. I now have a bib I can gift to someone else at some point.

 

And here's Cross, wearing a thanksgiving headpiece (made by his Mom--where does she find the time?) and a look deserving a caption. Anyone? 

And finally, at least for this round, another Pinterest copy! I decided that a project with the boys (collecting sticks from the yard) to create this vase/candle holder would be a fun thing to do. They were all about gathering sticks, and watched with some fascination as I glued the first two onto the vase. Beyond that, not so much. Poor Cross, he couldn't grasp why I didn't immediately attach the 1-foot, 1-inch diameter piece of kindling onto the glass.  Just a note should anyone else want to tackle this very easy project--it's more time-consuming than it looks, especially in a group of nine with three young'uns commanding attention.  Kenneth picked up where I left off when I needed to shift my focus to dinner. Who knew an army ranger was  so handy with a glue gun?

And that, friends, is a wrap for now. We did capture a great family photo that is being used for our Christmas card. Once those go out I'll post it here. I don't want to steal the impact for those of you who receive our card.

friday five: the seasonal string around my finger

At RevGals Kathryn writes: It's a busy season and our minds get caught up in lots of different things. We all know that especially during this time of year we have to be intentional about the things that are important or we can lose them. What are five things you try to be intentional about, whether it be for this season specifically or in general?

1) This year I am trying to be intentional about making a daily record of what this season means to me. I have a great childhood to thank for implanting in my being a love for Advent--long before I understood what Advent was about. We had family traditions that practically overflow the memory banks, and I love each and every one of them. As an adult without children of my own I haven't been able to continue those traditions n the same way, but I do carry them in my heart with deep affection, and now with grandchildren I can do a little something here and there to extend the joy.

2) During this season I try to think of special things to do for the people who have touched my life during the year. This year I have colleagues for the first time in a long time, and I am enjoying "plotting" little things to do to acknowledge that I am grateful for them.

3) I am a Pinterest junkie, and I am endeavoring to implement some of the great ideas that I have pinned on my various boards. I've actually pulled off a couple of them, one of which was the wreath I made for my daughter-in-law for her birthday. (see photo). I'll actually have a two week break from work at Christmas, and my plan is to use that time to implement even more of the great ideas that inspire me.

4) Regardless of season, I am making an effort to stop myself from saying things "bluntly," and taking the time to reframe what needs to be said in a way that doesn't come across as critical or negative. There are some people in my life that tend to provoke blunt reactions, so my goal is to improve those relationships by taking the edge off how I sometimes respond.

5) There have been some significant changes in my world this year, and I want to be intentional about communicating to the people who were/are part of the good things that have come about how much I value those good things.


Bonus: I am trying to live from a place of gratitude more often, and so far, that hasn't been hard. I'm praying that the discipline of being rooted in gratitude will have life-changing consequences.

happy day

We're enjoying a feast of friendship today as we dine with our friends Jimmy and Barbara, then look forward to a day of family on Saturday. During these several days of celebrating the many things for which we are thankful I think of those of you who come to visit here. Your visits sustain me more than you know, and the very fact of your presence serves to draw me out of myself to think beyond my own world.

Blessings to you this day...

yes, they're real

What is this, you ask? Let me tell you!

The above photo is the Autumnal Convent of the Priory of St. Andrew, part of the Grand Priory of the United States of America, The Solemn Military Order of the Temple of Jerusalem. Also known as the Knights Templar.

There is so much about this organization that I don't know--not the least of which is making sense of the various titles and designations--but having attended this convent (and no, I don't know why it is called a convent, though I can tell you that it has nothing to do with nuns) I am absolutely impressed by the order for all sorts of reasons.

The short version of how we came to be at last night's convent is because it turns out that a member of our former church is a Dame of the Knights Templar. When The DaVinci Code came out several years ago Ken got launched down an exploratory path of learning more about many of the ideas and facts presented in the book. He was especially intrigued by the Templars. When he learned that Jeri was a member of the order, he felt like he'd struck gold. Imagine the thrill when Jeri invited him to join the order! (Membership in the order is by invitation.) I won't belabor the details involved in that, but this weekend began the process of Ken's entrance to membership.

The convent is full of ritual and symbolism, and can include the investiture of a new knight. See below! It you look closely you'll note the sword touching the left shoulder.

There are also strong ties to Scotland and things Scottish (and you thought The DaVinci Code was fiction!). I was in my glory in a room full of men in kilts following the convent.

Knights and Dames are awarded recognition for years of service. This wee woman has twenty years of such under her belt. She's so cute!

And here we are. I am not happy with any of the pictures taken of us, but this one is the kindest. The dress is actually quite beautiful, but I learned a valuable lesson last night. The right undergarment is essential! Truly, my chest doesn't really need the parking space to my left. This wasn't such a big deal 50 pounds ago, but at my present weight it's a rather crucial detail. Live and learn, and get with the program! It's a rare occasion for me to dress up, though with the Templars in our lives that will begin to change. Ken is due to be knighted in April.

You'll be hearing more from time to time. For now I'll simply say that it looks as though life is going to get a lot more interesting, and interesting people will be a part of that.

one day and a reflection later

The Bonus Army takes up camp in front of the US Capital, 1932

I was a bit of a blubberer yesterday.  I was somewhat obsessed with Veteran's Day, and gravitated toward images and news stories as though they were chips and dip (I have a salt tooth, not a sweet tooth). Granted, before I was even out of bed yesterday I was feeling oddly vulnerable and weepy, so I was predisposed to get emotional about almost anything picked up by my "things that matter" radar.

The Veterans Day thing got a head start a couple of days ago when I learned about an award being given posthumously to a soldier who sacrificed his life in Afghanistan saving the lives of his platoon leader, fellow platoon members, and (if I'm remembering correctly) some civilians. The award cited the incident where he pushed his leader out of the way of bullet fire, taking the fatal hit himself. Only last week at my conference in Indianapolis I heard stories from retired military educators about how loyalty and commitment to fellow soldiers trumps loyalty to the mission. Though this was not news to me the information penetrated my being at a deeper level. The specific action of this Ft. Campbell soldier plays across my imagination as though seeing it on a screen, and his sacrifice releases from my soul a kind of grief.

I know the grief is mine, no matter what triggers it. As I write this post there is dawning awareness that it touches on my experience of camaraderie and friendship, and the gaping hole of such in my life these days. I'm also aware that issues related to justice have woven through pieces of my life in recent weeks, so stories about what I see as injustices to veterans pluck those strings. Sadly, there are lots of stories about such injustices, so my justice and vulnerability meters are resonating together to generate some interesting internal reflections. 

Thanks for wading through the above to get to what I really want today's post to be about: two particular stories of injustice. I had never heard of the Bonus Army, a group of WW I veterans who marched on and established themselves in Washington to demand what was promised to them. I am indebted to NPR for airing the story last night. The fact that knowledge of this event is not a part of our nation's body of common knowledge strikes me as shameful. Go here to read about it (I can't possibly do it justice here in brief). The Bonus Army is from another era, and although it will inspire anger it led, ultimately, to the G.I. Bill (which might be considered a form of justice, I admit. The story is still dreadful). The other story about denying veterans a gift given for them in Los Angeles was broadcast earlier this morning on CNN.  This story renews my animosity toward greed--as though any of us need any assistance in that arena these days--but it also rekindles my sense of helplessness when I want to take action to redress a wrong.  At least others are making an attempt to do so.

There are implications in these stories, and others, about our collective failure to deliver what is promised and to honor the contract executed by those who respond to the call to serve.  Again and again our leaders break those contracts, violating the trust and faith that all of us are impelled to place in their hands. For too long we have stood by and watched the disintegration of that which we so proudly hail, failing to hold our leaders accountable.  It is past time to step up and speak up, and to stand with those whose lives and memories have been betrayed.

To paraphrase Tim Gunn, "Make It Happen." Let's figure out a way, together, to do that.

i believe her

Yesterday when the news about Penn State's cover-up of sexual assault and exploitation unfolded, echoes of Herman Cain denials were dancing in my head. It occurred to me at the time that when the public learns of incidents of sexual abuse against boys or men, no one ever questions the motives of those who make their stories public, or subject themselves to renewed pain and anguish as they endure revisiting a chapter of personal devastation in their lives. It only seems to be women who are suspect, whose motives must be dark, self-centered, and driven by the need for attention or money.

As I revisit this reflection this morning I need to amend a portion of my thinking from a day ago. A distinct difference between stories of men molested as boys and women molested by men is that children and teenagers lack the capacity to assert their own voice and claim their own power because personal power does not rest within us until life and adulthood have provided the crucible for such power to be forged. The dynamic between perpetrators and victims when the former is an adult and the latter is a minor is different than it is between adults, and our response to such violations fall rightly across a spectrum of disdain and disgust .

That said, sexual assault and harassment perpetrated against women share a dynamic with acts perpetrated against boys: they are dynamics of power, with sex its vehicle of expression.

As a survivor of sexual assault I speak to this not as a clinician and feminist, but as one who had to work hard and painfully to learn and understand that acquiescence to this form of power was not a choice or a betrayal of self, but a cultural pattern of response to deeply entrenched societal acceptance of the abuse of power by those who wield that weapon at will. Make no mistake, power is a weapon.

I expect men who are accused to deny the accusation. I expect eyebrows to be raised and speculation to begin. I am not surprised that a woman's motives are challenged. I likewise challenge, however, the too-long held acceptance that power may be used to intimidate, dominate, violate or in other ways humiliate another person who lacks comparable power. I challenge the resistance to accepting that a woman who makes her pain public does so for any reason other than exposing the truth. I also challenge any man accused of harassment or assault to look hard at his relationship with power and to consider that he might be vulnerable to its lures. If just one man would explore the possibility that inappropriate behavior resulted from his comfort with power and acknowledge the damage that resulted, a door would open to a new world of understanding, respect, and relationship. If Herman Cain would do this he would begin the process of dismantling the arrogance that possesses him, and he might discover the riches of humility that serve as the basis of true leadership. He still wouldn't get my vote, but he might well earn my respect.

Once upon a time, after recovering from the experience of paying a difficult price at the hands of a group who praised and highly exalted themselves to excess, I was appointed to a position where I was given the authority to make decisions that could have significant impact on the lives of others. A friend who saw this appointment as a sort of vindication for me also recognized the opportunity for the appointment to be problematic. "Beware of your power," she said to me. It is a caution I have never forgotten.

At this time in my life I believe that I have a healthy and respectful relationship with power. While I am grateful for that that, I am also keenly aware of the cost paid to enjoy that relationship now. The wisdom I gleaned can best be offered by sharing the counsel given to me. When the mantel rests upon you, beware of your power. And share that warning with others.  We all need to hear the truth when it is spoken.

melrose snapshots

 Trisha poses with salt lick and deer corn at a spot being scouted for future hunting. Her job was to scatter the latter.

 My beloved up a tree (stand).

 Two of our beloveds.

Everyone's beloved view at sunset, shortly before the colors got rich.

I'm off to Indy. I was able to check out a laptop to take with me (yay!) so I'll do my best to be in touch while I"m gone. There's lots going on at the office this week, which makes this a tough time to be gone.

Have a great week, beloveds!