Friday, January 06, 2012

friday five: a-ha!

At RevGals KathrynJ writes: 
In the midst of the holiday season I had one of those moments where a path suddenly was made clear - A-ha! This experience has prompted me to wonder what some of your A-ha moments may be.

They can be mundane - a realization that you like/don't like a certain food or that you really look good in that color you never had the guts to try. They can be sacred - a way to better pace your day clicks into place or finally a devotion or meditation practice that really works for you. They can be profound - the moment you realized he/she was the one (or wasn't)or the moment you realized where your deepest passion could meet the world's greatest need.

Please tell us - what are five (more or less) of your 'A-ha' moments. Where have you had a moment of clarity?

Oddly enough I actually had a significant "a-ha!" just before Christmas. I meant to post about it, but one interruption or another kept me from blogging for most of the holiday. As big of an a-ha as it was I was also struck with the obvious nature of it and did the "I could have had a V-8" smack on the forehead and promptly forgot about it. Until now!
I have struggled throughout my life (or at least dating back to the third grade when I was the only Brownie on stage that got overlooked during the "flying up" to Girl Scout status ceremony) with the experience of seeming invisible to others. In the case of the lone, unpromoted Brownie, that seemed to be a physical case of invisibility, but there are any number of times when I have raised a question, made a point, or offered an idea within a gathering, have it acknowledged, and then at the conclusion of the gathering have that very offering attributed to someone else who made no contribution whatsoever to the conversation in question. ???!! This is just one example of the invisibility cloak at work.

I have finally made the connection between the experience of invisibility and being an introvert.  For a long time I have valued the benefits of introversion and taken in stride that I simply lack extroverted tendencies. For the first time, however, seeing this connection has also made it painfully clear to me (literally) how introversion has been a very real deficit in a number of respects.  The a-ha has been bittersweet. It has made it possible to connect all sorts of dots, which has been a good thing. It has also caused an internal upheaval with the peace I had come to embrace about the limitations of introversion. If I want to alter my relational and social experiences that suffer from being an introvert, I will have to fight against the natural tendency of introversion.  Insert the sound of an anguished cry here. 

As a recent a-ha this whole matter needs considerably more reflection and processing, something that will be accomplished in true introvert fashion.  In the meantime a sort of resignation has settled over me that I am trying hard to resist. I take that as a good sign, in spite of the fact that this is all also very wearing. Other "I's" will understand. 

Other epiphanies? None really come to mind, but this one seems big enough to fill the bucket.  More positively, Epiphany is my favorite liturgical season with its emphasis on light and incarnation, so I rejoice in the internal infusion of both those divine entities that are ushered in on this holy day.


Amy+ said...

great play! as an introvert I sometimes struggle with feeling as though my voice/idea is not needed, but am learning that sometimes it is my responsibility to make myself heard.

Mary Beth said...

Interesting. Another introvert here. do you know your ennagram number by chance? Wd be interested to know it. My 9-ness adds to this in my life.

Nancy said...

I can relate to much of what your wrote. I have felt "invisible" or alone in a crowd for years. I recently realized that I don't offer my ideas enough or offer them with confidence and that I don't like to "rock the boat." It's time to make some changes and be more assertive.

Sharon said...

Another introvert checking in. Extravert-led situations tend to go too quickly and be too loud for me. So, my lack of participation and assertiveness is viewed as shyness and (sometimes) weakness. Add to that a noticeable Southern accent in a world that is north of the Mason-Dixon line, and people really think I'm slow of mind!

I enjoyed reading this!

Holly said...

I so relate, I am also introverted... and find that when I force myself to be any other way I'm exhausted. Feeling invisible stinks unless your Harry Potter!

Joolie said...

Loved your story. Best to you as this realization shakes out in your life.

Teri said...

Your Brownie experience makes me so sad. :-( Sending you good vibes as you put all these dots together into a new perspective-picture.

kathrynzj said...

What a profound 'A-ha' and I am humbled that you shared it with this prompt. Blessings upon you as your journey with this revelation.

Thank you so much for playing.

The Bug said...

I was getting ready to say that I struggle with social networking because of my introversion - real life networking I mean - but actually I don't struggle at all. I like my real life hermit life & get annoyed when it's interrupted. Hmm. That right there is probably not all that healthy is it? Perhaps I should start considering what aspects of my personality need to change so that I can have a more healthy IRL to Internet balance in my life...

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