Saturday, December 29, 2012

from every angle

If you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for coming here to visit, or if we've gotten to know each other through this page, for caring enough to check in. Your presence here matters, even though I don't really know who comes unless they leave a comment or make a reference to what's here some other way (like my Mom, who tells me via email or phone call).

Thank you for hanging in here with me. I know it's not fun to be part of this long haul. I try to use these pages as a way to share an insight, an update, or pose a query (for myself--it helps to do so publicly). I'm sorry that it gets heavy from time to time, and your companionship during those days is especially valued.As Oprah says, a friend will ride with you in the limo, but a real friend will stay with you when the limo breaks down.

As you are aware, I'm a big fan of Tom Ryan and Following Atticus, the story of an extraordinary relationship between a man and a dog. I follow Tom on facebook and his blog because he reiterates positive perspectives and attitudes, and I find his commitment to the journey encouraging. I believe in the message he shares and the means by which one can accomplish what I would deem transformation. On the FA page this morning was a reference to Joseph Campbell's hero. “It’s where a person comes to a point in life where they are tested as never before and are forced to become more than they have ever been. It is part of every great adventure and the journey is never easy. That’s what makes it transcendent." 

For so many years I have felt like I've not been in the right place, that I wasn't fitting where I was. I have dissected myself, taken advantage of vocational inventories, personality assessments (no guffawing, please), prayer, discernment, evaluation, come to terms with failures (at least in my head) and celebrated victories. I have looked from every angle I can think of to raise my own awareness and discover what may yet be new to assist in the effort to find the signposts that will lead me forward. Pieces of me are everywhere, littering my internal landscape. It's not an easy road, but I believe in the process underway.

It occurred to me this morning that I have been deconstructing. Some months ago I had the epiphany that I had the knowledge and information available to me to make the essential discovery that would move me forward and in a clear(er) direction. I had lost sight of that, and was reminded of it again last night. I know this is my work to do, but I also know that there are people available to me to assist in this effort, and it's time to call on them. 

Help comes in many forms. Your prayers, holding me in the light, your encouragement, sending me notices of job possibilities--all of that is help that I cherish and for which I am exceedingly grateful. One reason I share so much of this part of my inner world here is because I lack a local community to whom I can turn. Isolation is a difficult part of this walk, which is one reason I am especially glad for your presence.  

I'm not a fan of new year resolutions, but it is not a bad thing that some inner commitment to find helpmates on this journey is coming about as this year concludes. Every day offers a new beginning and a new opportunity. One day the drips of this work will reach the top of the cup and overflow into new life. When that day comes, expect a big ol' party.


Jayne said...

I was finally catching up on my blog reading, and had just commented on your post on Thursday, when I saw this one pop up. :c) I so wish we lived closer and could just sit and share coffee and prayers more often, but know that I am always here and I am keeping you in my thoughts as you muddle your way through this life. We're all there in one form or another and I so admire the honestly with which you view yourself my friend. And, I KNOW in my heart that there are good things just waiting for you.

Suzan said...

While I do not often comment, I always read your blog posts. I feel that I have gotten to "know" you in some small measure. As I struggle through my own spiritual journey, many times I have read a post and thought about how I could apply parts of it to my own discernment process. Please know that reading your blog has had an impact in my life. I pray that you find peace and much joy in the coming year.

The Bug said...

Why I was praying for you just last night :)

I think you should move to Melrose & write a book. Although maybe you should wait until summer.

I was just thinking that you should make sure you open all the boxes - even if you don't end up using the gift, what's inside might lead you to your new path...

Carolina Linthead said...

I'm sorry our paths do not intersect more frequently IRL, but they do intersect here. We used to drive south to Knoxville then over the mountains, but since we moved further north, it improved the angle and road choice for going through WV. In sum, we moved further north, but are now closer to Hickory than before. Anyway, know this: I could not be closer to you in my heart. We are always here for you...always, come what may.

Terri said...

It's really difficult some days to put on an optimistic face and keep going, especially when the future seems so uncertain. Day after day I had to pull myself up and keep going, but every day was hard. HARD! on so many levels. I know you will find the right job for you. I know it. But that really doesn't help in the meantime. Prayer does help. And knowing that you are not alone, that this same thing has happened to me and to others I know. And we are all good, highly qualified women. So. I will continue to hold you in prayer every day. And send you job postings as I see them and I will have hope and trust enough for both of us. Because I am living proof of that trust and hope.

Mary Beth said...

Sending you love and prayers. I am grateful to read your honest words.

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