seeking strength

As the clock ticks on and my work fate continues to be unknown, it is getting to be time to hitch up my skirt (using that term metaphorically) and think about job hunting. No doubt I should have begun this process a good while ago, but I was feeling optimistic about my chances of staying in my present job. There is every reason to continue to feel optimistic, but I need to be smart and shift to Plan B mode.

Yesterday I was alerted by email of an article to which the AAUW (American Association of University Women) Linked-In group had linked. It had to do with the idea of leading with our strengths, as opposed to focusing too much on developing weaknesses. It also talks about the positive impact a group can experience when its leader(s) are willing to acknowledge his or her weaknesses. "Not only does this build trust in and of itself, it gives other members of the team permission to be similarly vulnerable. Great leaders understand that they don’t need to be well-rounded but that their teams do."

Included in the article was a link to a site where one could take a survey to determine character strengths. The survey is extensive, with over 200 questions, and it ranks one's strengths from first to last, focusing on the benefit of the character trait. Always grateful to be armed with knowledge that can help me understand myself better--not to mention give me language to use when job-hunting--I decided to take the survey and see what I might learn.

Although the questions on the survey weren't unlike questions on other surveys I've taken, I didn't appreciate the spectrum of values it was seeking to identify. Of the 21 characteristics, here, in order, are my top five strengths: forgiveness, fairness, honesty, judgment (as in prudent use of), and perspective. Interestingly (to me, anyway), the sixth trait was appreciation for beauty and excellence.

I have to say that I was startled to see forgiveness at the top. Not that I don't consider myself to be a forgiving person, I do. I suspect that the rankings are achieved as a result of consistency in how I responded to the questions, and my responses to questions related to forgiveness must have been more consistent than questions related to the other traits. I was also surprised to see that creativity ranked fourteenth. Creativity is such an integral part of who I am and how I thrive.  I suspect that this result is skewed because of how I deal with questions that use language like "I always..."  I also have something of a split personality when it comes to creativity--I am far more adept at being creative with ideas and solving problems than I am with the artistic side of life. I'm also better at creating an experience than I am being particularly original producing something tangible like a scrapbook layout, or quilt, or whatever.

Lastly (for the purposes of this post), I couldn't help but notice that I had difficulty with questions that wanted to get at how I was perceived by my friends. Maybe it's because my life these days is bereft of much in-person contact with friends, so the sharing of spontaneous observation or conversation around such things is limited. My inability to identify such perceptions, however, is giving me pause, not to mention cause for reflection.

If you want to take the time to take the survey, you can do so for free. A detailed interpretation of the results costs $20, but to receive the rankings costs nothing but time. I'd be interested, should any of you decide to do this, to hear about your results. 

In the meantime, I've got some work to do!

rising and shining

I'm not talking about a perky attitude when we first get up in the morning.

Let me explain. 

You may recall that I have more than a passing interest in genealogy. I come by this naturally as both of my grandmothers shared this interest and collected a fair amount of information about our respective forebears. Nice as it is to have been handed that wealth of data, it doesn't provide many opportunities for sleuthing on my part to unearth new branches of the tree or solve any pending mysteries. Lucky for me I have Ken's family to search, as well as the families of both my son- and daughter-in-law. Yes-siree, I just love filling in those blanks, and I've been having a good time!

One thing about genealogists, we are pretty good about scratching each others backs and sharing data. We also take pictures of tombstones of people to whom we're not related and don't hold any interest for us personally. There's a web site called "Find a Grave" that is the meeting place for searchers and finders, and I'm identified with that site as a volunteer who will go in search of a local grave for someone who isn't able to make the hunt themselves. It's amazing the number of requests that have come in for people who are buried in my county.

One such request came yesterday, for a gentleman not so terribly long deceased and buried in a cemetery barely off the path of my route to and from work. Ken and I have an engagement on the heels of my arrival home tonight, so I decided this morning that I would leave a few minutes early and stop by the cemetery with my camera. The big question: would the inscription be in sunlight or shadow?

While I was driving to the cemetery I began thinking about the practice of orienting graves. This is something about which I feel I should know, given that a part of my priestly job description includes burying people, and one of my avocations is photographing headstones. Alas, this knowledge eludes me. As I was mulling all this over while I negotiated the tight curves of the road leading to the cemetery, I was reminded of a notation among the records of one of my ancestors. As I recall the family lived in the mountains of western North Carolina. It is written that the ancestor remarked that he would be glad to be buried in this part of God's creation because he couldn't imagine a finer sight than to rise on a particular spot when it came time for his resurrection. I call that planning for the future!

The question that lurks is this: is there a preferred direction in which to be buried? Do we want to face east to the rising sun? There are distinct theological opinions about the significance of north, east, south and west, although I don't think many people are aware of such things any more. Does anyone even care? Does your place of final repose matter to you, and if so, why?

When I reached the cemetery I was disappointed to discover that all inscriptions faced west and were in shadow. Sure, they could still be photographed, but the photographer and artist within me wouldn't settle for that. I will have to go back on another day and take my time documenting the place where a number of lives were laid to rest. I pray they anticipate with gladness the day that they, like my ancestor, will rise and shine.

random. really.

During an idle moment this morning while cruising Pinterest, I saw a photo with a link to a blog that offered 30 ideas for conversation while on a date, a road trip, during a "getting to know you" exercise, and so on. Since we have a road trip in our future, I thought it would be fun to check it out, so check it out I did. For the record, I'm planning to bring most of this list along on the aforementioned trip (for better or worse, we are already quite familiar with the subject matter of some of these ideas). In the meantime, it offers some fodder for blogging. Since I am a sporadic blogger these days I'll take any help I can get to prompt an entry here on reverent irreverence.

The first one on the list is to generate another list. Twenty random things about myself.

Oddly (I suppose), my first reaction to doing that here was, "but that makes it all about me." And then I had a V-8 moment and considered that this is my blog, after all, so this is a natural place to write about me. Truth be told, though, as much as I have concerns about my own life, and although I certainly share what goes on in my life, I prefer that my reflections here be about the broader world. It is in that broader world where we find points of intersection and commonality with others, and it is interaction with those others that give texture and richness to our lives.

Today, however, I'm going to yield to some randomness. Here goes.

1) I have an extra vertebrae in my spine. How 'bout that! If you're interested, the interloper is in the cervical portion of my spine.
2) My favorite flavor of ice cream is mocha chip (or any variation on what that might be called).
3) I have a crescent-shaped scar on my right cheek where a dog bit me when I was 11.
4) As of today I have 219 pins on my Sheep board on Pinterest. That happens to be the greatest number of pins of any of my 57 boards. (The runner-up is stuff related to the home, with 210).
5) I don't have a favorite color.
6) When I was 14 I spent six weeks living with cousins in Lausanne, Switzerland. It was there that I fell in love with French.
7) I have been on a hot air balloon ride.

8) My first job was working in a bakery. Believe it or not, I lost weight working there.
9) I was the costume designer for a production of "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" while in college.
10) It always amuses me when I look at a digital clock and the time is my birthday (5:13). It happens more often than you would think!
11) I completed or had waived all my high school graduation requirements by the end of the fall semester, senior year. It amazes me still that my parents didn't object to me finishing early.
12) I have a title picked out for the Great American Novel I will probably never write. I've written the first line, know the name of the main character, and have a clear sense of what I want this book to be about. All I lack is a real plot.
13) I play the recorder.
14) During what would have been the spring semester of my senior year in high school I took a calligraphy course at a local community college.
15) When I was in fifth grade I set a school record for girls in the long jump. I think it was 19 feet and change. No doubt that record has long since been broken (given what a superior athlete I am not!).

By the way, that's not me. Bet you couldn't tell.

16) In spite of the fact that I am a lousy housekeeper I actually like to clean the house. It's just that there are a hundred other things I would rather do.
17) I make great corn chowder.
18) Christmas is my favorite holiday
19) Once upon a time I sang in the chorus of a production of "Applause!"
20) When Geraldine Ferraro was candidate for VP I scored the job of driver in her motorcade when she visited Connecticut.

So, what's random about you today?

week 28 in review

We were away last weekend, celebrating Jude's first birthday in Augusta so I was unable to post my regular week in review. Not that any of us missed much. Except for the birthday weekend festivities--loaded with photo ops--only one accomplishment during the past couple of weeks save the time-frame from being utterly unremarkable. But here goes!

On the home front the remarkable achievement is the installation of a doggie door! This means that we can now be completely sedentary in our lifestyle at home since we no longer have to get up out of our chairs to open the door for the dogs. This also means I can finally get a full night's sleep on a regular basis since McKinlee can let herself out at 1:30 in the morning when she needs some relief. I am happy to report that except for one minor infraction of indoor pooping we have been accidentless indoors now for two weeks! Actually it's been longer than that--since the fence was finished the house has been much "fresher."

Family. As noted earlier, it was all about Jude last weekend. Ashley outdid herself with a Dr. Seuss theme, and the kids reveled in nonstop play on an inflatable in the back yard. The birthday boy was suitably cute and irresistible for the occasion, especially when he did several face-plants into the cake to save himself the tediousness of using his hands to consume portions of the chocolate goodness. Alas, this meant that none of the rest of us got to enjoy any cake. Such is life in the world of a one-year old!

At work it's been slow. We're still packing for the move, there is still no word about my fate, and most of my time is directed toward fall programming. Blah, blah, blah!

On a personal note I've been doing a lot of genealogy research. There are grandchildren now, after all! I've been working on Ken's branch for a little while but have now added Travis' into the mix. There are lots of limbs that need to be pursued and mysteries to be solved!  I am finding it particularly annoying when others who post their research don't use a bit of discernment when recording information. The number of children born to a couple who aren't yet married (and I'm talking by several years), or to a mother who is deceased or eight-years old is astounding. Ach! The availability of census data is an amazing boon to researchers, but far too many assumptions are made about how people are related to one another. Caution is increasingly the word of the day as I plod along. I will also confess that I am guilty at times of including data that appears suspect. I have adopted the practice of adding comments as I go to disclaim any suggestion of certainty and point to how I have arrived at a conclusion. All in all it's still fun, in spite of the potential for error and disappointment. 

Bonus round! We went to see "Brave" yesterday. Set in Scotland I was, of course, in full tilt glory. Some parts of the story dragged, but it was otherwise amusing and wise.  The music was wonderful, but I have to say that the accents  were all over the place, especially for the leads! The pronunciation of the word "you" was most authentic, but the inflections were an inconsistent blend of Irish, Scottish and American. It was distracting at first, but I got over it in time to enjoy the story and be teary at the end. This was also a notable event in that Ken does not go to see animated films! He is convinced that animation deprives actors of employment (true story!) and refuses to go on those principled grounds. If he paid attention to the credits he would learn quickly that animation provides lots of employment to a whole lot of people, including actors, but such is his perspective. Still, I count it as a small victory that he 1) was willing to go and 2) enjoyed it!

See ya next week, if not before!

friday five: randomness!

At RevGals there appears to be a new tradition popping up: second Friday's are random! So without further ado I'm getting my random on!

1.  If a spaceship landed in your back yard, and three very cute little aliens knocked on your door and asked you to show them around Earth,where would you take them? 

This is really hard. I'd love to show them the beauty of this world and all its variety. Like the Grand Canyon, Iguazu Falls in South America, Glen Lake in Michigan, the Smokey Mountains at any time of year (above), the view from our cottage in South Carolina... I'd want them to see an adorable litter of puppies, a baby giraffe, and some over-the-moon new parents with their wee bundle of joy. I'd want them to join giggling children and fawn over couples in love. I'd want them to taste exquisite food and enjoy the breeze and blooms of a spring day.  I'd love to show them the marvels of architecture in Paris, the magnificence of the Alps and the beaches of the Mediterranean.  We would go dancing with tribes in Africa and boogie to the jibs of a fiddle.  My question is, do they need to see a balanced view of what the world is like? Poverty, ruins, illness, neglect...?

2.  What is making you grumpy these days?

It's been four weeks since the search committee for my job made their recommendation to my boss, and we have still heard nothing about the outcome. This is ridiculous! If I don't keep my job then I need to find a new one, and it would be nice to know if that were to be the case. Argh!

3.  O.K., so now that you got the grumps out, what is one thing today that will be sheerly joyful for you?

Getting home from work and beginning the weekend!

4.  Do you have a garden?  What are you growing?   If you don't, what is your favorite fresh summertime vegetable/fruit/flower?

Our garden has suffered the slings and arrows of dreadful heat and drought this summer. Not to mention that birds have single-beakedly destroyed most of our tomato crop. BUT! Our herbs have endured, and it looks like our peppers may be salvageable. Here's some pesto in progress using our basil.

5.  If the aforementioned aliens suddenly demanded all the contents of your closet, OR ELSE (as in clothing, shoes,  etc.) but kindly said you could keep three items, what would they be? 

A pair of sweats, a comfy sweater and a t-shirt. 

week 25 in review

Yes, it's that time again: the weekly roundup! Settle in and ride along with me.

On the home front

It's only small scale excitement here this week. I am loving that my rudbeckia (black-eyed Susan) is starting to bloom with perfusion. It's probably my favorite perennial since it needs such little care and responds well to apparent neglect. This would be compared to petunias, with whom I have a love/hate relationship. I have never grown petunias successfully because they always get so leggy. I've been told to pinch them back, but even that hasn't worked terribly well in the past. We have a hanging basket of 'tunias this year that joined the household full of blooms. All I can say at this point is that it looks like a big colorful mess that does NOT respond well to neglect. Sigh. 

Our tomatoes appear to be doing well, unless you count their untimely end when supped upon by birds.  We've already lost six ripening toms to the winged beasts.  Yesterday Ken picked up some rubber snakes to thwart the little pretties, and we'll see how they work. I do not--repeat, do not--want to go the route of caging.

Family 

My Aunt Hap, dad's remaining sibling, turns 85 next month, so a big family bash is planned in Cincinnati. Hap's nieces and nephews are in touch via global email to keep each other up to date on plans and ideas. Of the six branches of the family descended from the siblings, five will be represented at the party, and we're working on the sixth.  As usual, I will be the lone standard bearer from my clan.  And Dana and Mike, I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to see you since we'll be so close!

I've been scanning more pictures that came home with me from dad's, and am feeling inspired to take note of all the questions that occur to me as I look at these. I know nothing, for instance, of my dad's grandparents, and close to nothing about his father's side of the family.  It's time for my aunt to succumb to an interview. Fortunately she is an encyclopaedia of family lore and her memory is very good.  I've decided to write down some of my questions and send them to her in advance so she can start filling her tank with an arsenal of stories. That's Hap on the right, with her sister Enid, probably in the mid 1930's. I adore this picture.

At work

It's been a slow week of continuing to purge and pack, and work on the flow of a new design for the Center's web site. Some of that is fun, but much of it is tedious.  No word on the job.

On the table

Some lettuce from our garden! Alas, no pictures, but what a treat to reap what has been sowed!

On a personal note

For a change I got to spend all day at home yesterday. I spent it dividing my time between domestic necessities like laundry and vacuuming, making headway in reducing and organizing the clutter that claims my office, and scanning photos.  All in all, I am quite pleased with myself! I will make an effort to follow up today with more of same. Aren't you glad to know this?

I'm not aware of much on the radar of the week ahead, but stay tuned! And have a good one yourself. Ciao!

epiphanies

I had an epiphany this morning on the way to work as I listened to the news. I'm not a news junkie by any stretch of the imagination, but somewhere along the road to middle-age I turned the corner from casual observer of the world (news-wise) to valuing being informed. It feels like a curse these days as the news is so dismal about so much of what is going on "out there." The desire to turn off the news halfway through a story is what birthed my epiphany. 

We (those who think like me) wonder why so many people have their heads in the sand when it comes to making political choices. Women vote for ultra-conservatives who want to push back the progress made for women's freedom and opportunity to a place I wouldn't recognize. The marginalized vote for people who want to marginalize them further. You get the picture. It. Makes. No. Sense.

Except that it does when you stop to think that the only way not to allow the woes of the world and machinations of the powerful who want to control that world to interfere with our own individual sense of contentment and well-being is to shut it off and pretend its not there. When we do that we can imagine a world where people treat each other well and want the best for one another and believe the dross that drips from the lips of those who do the opposite. I get it. That's my latest epiphany. Earthshaking, isn't it?

Sadly this epiphany doesn't accomplish anything. It isn't going to change the time I get up in the morning or alter my route home from work. Perhaps more sadly it won't influence my diet or exercise habits. The only good news, I suppose, is that it is evidence that my mind continues to work and reflect and yield fruit, bitter as that fruit is. Sigh.

I've had some other epiphanies recently, too, though of course I can't recall them at this moment while I'm at the keyboard. A couple of them might actually be worthy of leading to something, but none of them in and of themselves are life-changing. Still, I'll take a foundational sort of building block epiphany. One by one they stack up sufficiently to change the view, and when that happens, well, there's just no telling what will come next.

This morning's epiphany wasn't exactly welcome. It certainly doesn't make me happy. The only thing I can say about it is that it broadened my understanding and increased the capacity of my compassion (okay, sort of on the latter).  The news is still dismal, and I don't feel like I'm making much difference in helping shape a brighter world with better news to shout from the rooftops or whatever I'm building with my blocks.  

For today, I guess I'll just have to settle for being a little wiser. 

Here's to ya!

week 24 in review

On the Home front

Our parsley is flourishing! We've also got some tomatoes beginning to ripen, basil that is going to seed (it seems too early--the whole summer stretches before us, so now what after the pesto is made?)

Family

at Melrose when I was five months old

It's been a poignant week for me as I've begun to go through the collection of things brought back from dad's when we were there to get the piano in May. I've scanned some more photos, and continue to trip over tears and grief as memories of a life, known and unknown, rise to the surface. It's been nostalgic, to say the least, and perhaps because life has been such a struggle the last several years I am finding refuge in memories of less stressful times. Perhaps that is why Edinburgh begs my presence. I miss my dad. 

On the Table

This isn't our creation, but Ken's lunch from the "Smokey, et al" food truck at the American Artisan Festival we attended on Saturday. That's not a traditional burger, but a hodgepodge of pork (ham, bacon, you name it!). Think of it as a meat-lover's pizza without the part that makes it a pizza. Sort of makes me cringe from a health standpoint. I had a rather amazing sandwich of grilled curried peanut butter chicken with apricot marmalade from the Peanut Butter Paradise Truck. Very delish. Photogenic? not so much.

At Work

Wow, what a week! Incredibly productive meetings resulting in an exciting and extensive "to do" list when it comes to serving the needs of our adult students. So many ideas and such creative and enthusiastic people with whom to collaborate! It was also the week when final scholarship decisions were made (or in a few cases, almost made). I love the part of my job when I can tell someone that their financial burden for the coming academic year will be reduced by $4000.  Yay!

On a personal note

As mentioned above, we ventured out into the big city on Saturday to attend the American Aritsan Festival in Nashville's Centennial Park. We hadn't been to an art/craft show in what seems like forever, and I was in heaven as my soul was drenched with the creative fruits of the artisans present. Amazing work, just amazing. Ken asked me what my favorite "booth" was, and I couldn't narrow it down. What was fun to note is that work I would have walked past previously called me to explore and appreciate it. And then there was this hammock (among others in the collection) strung between trees that simply looked inviting on a hot day.

Bonus Round!

I covered my gray colored my hair gave my hair a boost yesterday. I tinker with the idea of coloring on a regular basis but yesterday it seemed that the stars were in alignment, so the deed is done. No pictures yet. I don't have the kind of camera that I can hold out at arms length to photograph myself (unlike some people I know on facebook who never tire of posting their self-portraits for the rest of us--and I'm not talking about anyone who reads this blog!), and it didn't occur to me until just this moment that I could use the bathroom mirror. Next time!

Enjoy your week!

an unexpected twinge

Ken has gotten a notion into his head to plan the perfect Knights Templar tour. He often comes up with ideas that lean toward the fanciful and then there is no further word about them. But this is an idea that continues to resurface, and last night he asked me to pull out my world atlas so that he could take a serious look at the geography of his plan.

The tour would, of course, include a stop at Rosslyn Chapel. The chapel is located outside of Edinburgh, Scotland, and when I couldn't locate it where I thought it was on the map, I headed to the internet for a precise pinpointing of this critical destination.

I was both right and wrong in recalling where it was. I haven't been there, but could have made the excursion on one of several trips I've taken to Scotland, including a semester during college as part of the "study abroad" program. I knew it was an easy day's excursion from the city. From the Rosslyn web site I clicked on the "get directions" portion of the page and was startled to see that Rosslyn is, in fact, a stone's throw from the perimeter highway that circles Edinburgh. More than that, it is incredibly close to the area where I lived while there as a student.

Learning of Rosslyn's locale was a pleasant surprise, but it came with a nostalgic twinge that I didn't anticipate as the map of Edinburgh came into focus. The street names grabbed my attention like the voice of a long lost friend. Images, impressions and experiences leaped to mind, and I was drawn quickly into memories that run deep and warm with a visceral connection to a place that I love.  I felt a longing to be there, to ride the buses and walk the hilly streets, stop in at the pubs and linger in the parks. The smell of the breweries, far from fragrant, are as much a part of the sensory landscape as the distinctive accent and the glow of the afternoon light that paints the stone walls of the city's buildings with rich, brilliant color. 

Connection to place is one of the human experiences that defies explanation, but I can attest that to this city and the countryside that extends north and south from it, I am deeply attached. There is a spiritual connection that transcends words, and a love for the rugged rocks and prickly blooms of the highlands that bid me welcome.  There are the sheep, the cascading burns, and the lonely ruins that reverberate with the blood-soaked history of Scotland's modern peace.  It is a place that from coast to coast and mountain to lowland draws me and nourishes me in a way no other place has ever done.  It is home.

Once again I covet my connection to it: savoring the sweets of Clarinda's Tea Room on the High Street, drinking in the colors and patterns of tartans in the kilt shops, breathing in the aromatic scents of the Indian restaurants that dot the neighborhoods, and taking my place among the pedestrian traffic that makes its way from one part of the day to the next.  It is all rich in my memory and feeds my soul in these days so far removed from their origins. 

No matter the time and space that divide my life now from those months of incredible opportunity.  There is a trip being planned. In due time, it will all be there to greet me again.

week in review

It's been a Big Week here! How big, you ask? Read on!

On the home front:

The fence is done! There are a few tweaks still to make, but the important thing is that the yard is now secure for the dogs to run freely. Yes, those were our huge sighs of relief that you heard last night that you might have confused as thunder rumbling in the distance. Our sighs came from that deep within! This has been a very long time coming, and we are sooooooo thrilled to have this task completed. Did I mention how glad we are to have the fence done? Here's a brief photo retrospective. Amazingly I did not document any of yesterday's activity that nudged us over this finish line. I just wanted to revel in the experience. Photos will come!

Family:

We were absolutely tickled to enjoy a visit with the Hamiltons last weekend. We met up with them in Murfreesboro Saturday morning where the kids participated in the local "Small Fri Tri" event, and it was too cute! They ran, biked, and then took on the sprinklers to cross the finish line and take their trophies. Rock on, boys! Tuesday Ken was able to spend the day with them, but they came to the 'boro to join me for lunch, then we all met again for dinner. We bade farewell to them at breakfast the next morning at their hotel. Fortunately Jude has a Significant Birthday coming up in July, so we will see them again soon!

On the table:
We enjoyed a great chicken on the grill last night (again, no photos, but here's something from earlier in the year, just so you can feast your eyes on our mixed grill of steak and kielbasa with roasted onions and peppers!). It was a slow roast, marinated in a garlic and herb dressing with a splash of pear wine made by a friend. Add corn on the cob and Ken's favorite "cabbage salad" (a vinegar-based cole-slaw) and we were in heaven!

At work:

In anticipation of my area's relocation to a new student union building in August, we are busy purging files. The Center for which I am serving as interim director will lose the physical portion of what makes us who we are (the center for women and nontraditional students), and that translates to the loss of space and storage. The strategy behind the new configuration of offices is best left to another post, but  for now our challenge is to downsize. The process is tedious and time-consuming, although some of the things unearthed in the process are illuminating! On a brighter note, I oversee a specific pot of $50,000 in scholarship money, and the recipients of those funds were determined earlier this week. I love the part of my job where I can give away money!

On a personal note:

The process of hiring the permanent director for the above-mentioned position is underway and coming to a close. I have applied (as previously noted in other posts). I have a good shot at keeping my job. I am still anxious about what happens if someone else is selected. There's been way too much uncertainty in my life in recent years related to work, and I would really like not to be on the short end of that stick for a while. Thoughts, prayers, vibes, etc., are appreciated as the process moves forward. I will probably know something within the next two weeks.

And as a bonus...

Did I mention that we finished the fence? Have a great week!

friday five: whatever!

At RevGals Kathryn offers us a random meme for today's Friday Five. I'll play! 

1.  What religion/faith besides yours captures your curiosity and why?
I'm intrigued by just about any faith system, but the one I feel most compelled to learn about is Islam. I'm so tired of the rants against Muslims resulting from ignorance and extremist actions, and I'd like to get better informed so that I can be a source of information to counter the voice of the radical right on this subject.  Unfortunately I don't retain what I read very well. That said, however, a very good read for Christians is Jesus: One Man, Two Faiths, by Ron Messier

2.  What is the first or most memorable pop song you ever learned as a kid?
I'm going to say "Red Rubber Ball." It is still a favorite

(tried to embed it here, without success)

3.  If God were a color.....(finish this sentence creatively)
You mean God isn't a color?

4.  If you were going to make a sandwich right now for lunch, and you magically had all the items you need for it, what would that sandwich be?
A standard favorite is a BLT, and we almost always have the ingredients on hand for that. Other favorites include roast turkey with tarragon aioli and brie on rye; grilled ham and cheddar cheese on marbled rye with cranberry mustard; and what I refer to as a "stack:" a slice of rye cut from a large round loaf, piled with slices of black forest ham, turkey, swiss cheese, tomatoes, red onion, bacon, and lettuce, topped with a special sauce (a homemade version of Thousand Island dressing).  Now I'm hungry!

5.  How are you doing?  Really, how are you?

Mostly good. Really! I'm dealing with some anxiety because my present job is as interim at a local university. I'm a candidate for the permanent position, for which interviews are being conducted right now. My chances are good, but anything can happen.  If they choose someone else I have no clue what I will do next. When I lean into God I experience peace. I just need to remember to lean more often.

My husband is in a funk at the moment, and that is decidedly not fun.

Bonus:  What are you enjoying/loving right now?

The frequency with which we have been able to see our daughter and her family (grandkids!) lately.

last weekend in town and participating in the local parks and rec Small Fri Tri(athlon)

week in review

with Park Overall

 

Sally put together this Friday Five at RevGals a little while ago, but I was on the road (see earlier post) and learned about it several days later. I've been thinking about doing a regular post similar to this each week as a way to keep me blogging (at least weekly!). So here goes...

This week, what has 

Encouraged you?
Tomorrow (Monday) I interview for my job. I'm presently serving as interim director, and am eligible to apply for the position as permanent director of the center for women and nontraditional students at one of our state universities.  A presentation to the search committee and staff of the division of student affairs is part of the interview process, and although I am nervous about that (I'll be presenting the "old fashioned" way, sans power-point!), I am confident about the subject I am required to present.  There are five of us in this final part of the process, which is what makes me nervous. It costs money to bring candidates to campus, and the other four must be worth the expense. Ach! Competition! I worry most that one of them will have star-quality personality that will win over the hearts and minds of the search committee and others who have input in this selection process. BUT! I am encouraged by my own record on the job, and as I put together my presentation I feel affirmed in my qualifications.  I go into the interview confident and able to demonstrate competence. And that encourages me!

Inspired you?
Last night we attended a "meet and greet" with Park Overall, candidate for US Senate for the state of Tennessee. If her name rings a vague bell it's probably because of her acting resume. But as she stated in her remarks she wants to make a difference through what she does with her life, and staying on the family farm in rural Tennessee didn't cut that mustard. She faces an uphill challenge against the incumbent, who has megabucks of his own to wage his campaign, but Park has conviction and commitment to take action against the toxicity that has become the political arena. Bless her for that! We'll fight hard for her because we believe she has something to offer. At the very least we want her voice to be heard.

Challenged you?
Preparing a sermon/homily for this morning on the Trinity! I'm subbing for a vacationing priest, and in the liturgical year it is Trinity Sunday. This isn't anyone's favorite theological nut to crack, and I am having to dig to find something fresh to say on the subject. I am fortunate to have great resources at my disposal, however, so I think I'll be able to keep my head above water.

Made you smile?
My one and only nephew graduated last weekend from Middlebury College. I had never been there and fell in love with the town.  This is the only family graduation I've attended since my own, and it evoked not only memories, but a kind of wistfulness about connecting to the feelings of a parent on the occasion of a child's graduation.  I am so proud of Jesse, and so delighted that we were there to celebrate this milestone in his life.

Brought a lump in your throat or a tear to your eye in a good way?
A feature writer for The Hartford Courant is preparing an article about dad. Speaking to her on the phone to tell her something about his life and interests was a walk not just down memory lane, but of appreciating once again the depth of person that he was. It was a poignant delight to offer those glimpses of his life to be shared through this upcoming article.

Bonus: yesterday morning two of our grandsons participated in a local "Small Fry Tri(athalon),"   and it was too much fun watching them run, bike, and "swim" through the sprinklers to cross the finish line.  We are so blessed to be seeing so much of them!

addicted to atticus

It's all my mother's fault. "Oh!," she says, almost as an afterthought. "Take this home with you--you can listen to it in the car. You'll LOVE it!" she says of the book on tape that sits on the back seat of her car. Her face is gleeful and her enthusiasm is out of bounds.

She was right. I DO love Following Atticus, the story of a man and his dog and their incredible relationship as it develops and grows through their life and journey hiking the White Mountains of New Hampshire. It is compelling to me as a dog-lover, native Yankee, and admirer of Tom Ryan's engaging writing and down to earth manner. I love that he quotes from a range of authors as their subject matter relates to his own life revelations. From Tennyson to Richard Bach, the nuggets of wisdom that Tom weaves through his story embraces me as comfortingly as a grandmother's afghan.

It's not just comfort, though. I find myself plunging deep into my own layers as I reflect on the observations Tom makes for his life and recognize in them a template for looking at mine. It may be the mid-life "stop and take stock" place where I find myself these days,but whatever the cause I am finding good company in the musings of this writer and the joy he finds with his dog.

I have also found this "following" an opportunity to spend some time with my father. He was a lover of Richard Bach, a hiker of New England mountains, companion to dogs, and possessed a willingness to engage the questions of life. These echoes of my father's soul keep me company as I keep pace with Tom and Atticus. Since this dynamic duo continue to share their journey post-publication on a blog and through facebook, I have the rare opportunity to continue to follow their story and feel a part of it. It feels a bit like I am journeying through my own days with more than suitable companionship, and there is peace and comfort in that.

I commend this book to anyone, though dog-lovers will especially enjoy it. And I owe a debt of gratitude to my mother for introducing me to the wonderful world of Tom and Atticus.

on the road. again. and again.

Well. The much anticipated, much dreaded trip is finally behind us. I am both glad and sad.

Over a period of six days we traveled approximately 2329 miles. Two days to get to Middlebury, VT for my nephew's graduation from Middlebury College. A day to attend the graduation and travel from Middlebury to CT. A day to rent a U-Haul trailer and load the family piano that had been at my dad's for about 30 years, and inter dad's ashes at the base of his beloved apple tree. Two more days to travel home with trailer in tow. It was break-neck, and rough on two aging bodies to spend so much time in the car. But we did it. Jesse is now a graduate (you rock, Jess!), and the piano on which I learned to play is now in our living room. Ken and I actually got it out of the trailer and into the house ourselves. Phew!

There was never any question that I would be at Jesse's graduation. After pricing the cost of moving the piano through professional means there was also never any question that we would be transporting the piano ourselves on this trip. The great sadness is that an opportunity to travel through beautiful and historic country, putting us in the vicinity of friends and family, had to be squandered. The cost of lodging, gas, boarding the dogs, and renting the trailer was shoved up against time away from work (no work = no pay), making this a very expensive trip. It broke my heart to know that we would be so close to so many opportunities to see friends, or stop to take in an historic site, but it was not to be. I console myself with the glimpses we had of gorgeous lake views driving through the Adirondacks, and spectacular vistas in Vermont and Virginia as we logged the necessary miles to get from place to place. We were fortunate to have great weather during most of the trip, and the delight of a ferry crossing (x2) that allowed for a pause to be out of the car and feel the almost-summer breeze in my hair. I carry in my mind a host of images that brought peace to my soul and reconnected me to long-forgotten memories of earlier travels. All is not lost.

Down the road, literally and figuratively, we will find a way to make a trip that overflows with fulfilling stops at places along the way, and lingering visits with people who matter to us. I am reminded that spending time in such ways is the stuff of life, and the wind that fills our sails.

Until then, there's a piano to tune and music to make. For that I am most grateful.

speaking of steps...

I've been messing with this layout since the weekend (in my spare time, of course). A web site where I do most of my digital purchasing for scrapbooking hosted several challenges last Saturday for national scrapbook day, and one of them inspired me to tackle using this photo in the layout that resulted.

I adore this picture of my grandparents. It captures their joy in such a way that one can't help but feel moved by it. Their marriage was a second for both of them, and one that many who knew them admired and sought to model. They were fiercely devoted to each other, and I wish I'd been astute enough  when my grandfather died to recognize the incredible loss this was for my grandmother. I was 17 at the time, and of course the world revolved around me, so I wasn't paying attention, not adequately anyway.

I adored my grandfather, and took great pride in claiming him as my kin through the many ways we found connections with each other: we loved to work on jigsaw puzzles, play board games (we had a favorite), and he was so utterly attentive to cultivating an environment that encouraged each of his grandchildren to seek and grow and learn to be ourselves.

Bampy died when I was a senior in high school, coming home from the hospital mere days before he took his last breath. I was fortunate to see him the day before his passing, and indicative of his tendency to focus on others, he gathered what little strength he had to tell me, with fervor, that he was "rooting for Earlham!" the college to which I had applied and would ultimately attend. 

Miss you, Bamp. Thanks for the excellent blueprint you laid out for how to be a stellar (step) grandparent.

weighing the variables

Ordinarily we are past the scholarship season. Application deadlines have come and gone, incoming data (along with essays) has been evaluated, rankings applied and recipients notified of their award. Due to some technical issues beyond my control, one of the scholarships managed by my office is only now receiving applications. Because we are behind the usual curve of timeliness in making those awards I am trying to make up for that time by reviewing the applications as they come in and rank them accordingly.

The scholarship in question is intended for students who are coming to college after a break of at least five years from a previous educational tenure. That might mean high school, or perhaps a collection of semesters begun at college at an earlier time.

It happens that there are a hefty number of applicants who have completed junior or community college work and are moving forward to complete their four-year degree.  There's a bit of a gray area around eligibility for those students, but they do qualify in some respects. Still, I'm feeling cautious about how I weight that criteria against the purer eligibility components of other students.

For the sake of argument: all other things being equal, who should be favored in awarding a scholarship? The student with the 3.4 GPA coming from a community college, or the 2.5 who has struggled to make ends meet working as a chef and has decided it's time to go for the sheepskin with a BA (or BS) stamped on it? That's a hypothetical, but I'm curious as to how others would make this decision.

Discuss!

And thank you for weighing in.

steps

An article in this morning's Huffington Post hit home for me. It talked about the difficulty that step-mothers may experience on Mother's Day when the relationship goes unacknowledged by their step-children.The article focused compassionately on the slight that is felt when the day comes and goes without expressed appreciation, affection, or whatever other positive form such expression might take. As is often the case with subjective feature articles, the comments are far more revealing about the vast experiences of step-hood out there in the world than the article itself seeks to explore. I was stunned, however, to read very few responses that made any attempt to empathize with the step-mother who walks in my shoes. The role and experience that already feels lonely to me feels lonelier still.

I write, here, of my own experience as a childless woman who married a man with grown children. I am geographically distant from my own biological family, but I am at a distance in part because that family isn't a particularly cohesive unit. I am close to my mother, loved and respected my father, and with  my brothers there is affection but not a great deal of connection. There is no "bosom" of family. I am left to do what I can to foster that connection, sense of belonging, and embrace with the family to which I am connected by marriage.

If you've read this blog for any length of time you know that I have had a good and close relationship with  my step-son. The relationship with my step-daughter has seen its challenges and a share of deep pain, though now we are on much firmer ground, and are closer than we have ever been. For better or worse, through good times and bad, they are my family.

I try to keep my desires for them to see me as such in check. Expectations till the soil of our capacity for feeling wounded, and there have been days when those wounds have felt crippling. I am torn between the desire to be honest with them and communicate how I feel and the "wisdom" of letting it be. Grown-ups are supposed to be adept at taking our lumps while at the same time expected to be a model of how to get it right and do it right. too often the line between the two is blurred or moves from day to day.

Last winter when we were anticipating celebrating an early Christmas with Ashely and her family, I mentioned to Ashley that I was hoping to get family pictures while we were together. I mentioned that one picture I wanted was of the two of us. When the day came I was feeling frumpy and unhappy with how I looked: pudgy and bad hair and all. I didn't want a picture of me looking as such, so I had mentally abandoned the desire to get a picture of Ashley and me together. But she remembered, and she prompted the pose that I have included above. Although I hate how I look, I am grateful for what the picture tells me. That I matter, that she is making an effort, and that her affection is genuine.

That's really all I want as a step-mom. I am not their mother and don't seek to be treated as such. I do have a place in this family, and my cup overflows when that is acknowledged.

friday five: they say it's your birthday!

At RevGals Kathryn invites us to contemplate birthdays. Lucky for me that's a happy subject, so I'm glad to share a few memories with you.

1) What is the first birthday you remember? 
I honestly couldn't tell you what my earliest birthday memory is, but I do have a distinct memory of a Matterhorn decoration in the middle of the dining table at one birthday party.  Mom loved to decorate around a theme, and that year's theme might well have been based on the experience of Disneyland's Matterhorn ride.

A story that gets told on me that took place at an early age is that after I opened my gifts and surveyed the haul my evaluation was this, "I got more clothes than presents!" Perhaps this photo is from that occasion?

2) Do you recall a favorite gift? 
There have been lots of great gifts over my many years: a bicycle, record player, various music choices, a special school trip endorsed and paid for... no one gift stands out more than any other.

3) Has anyone ever tried to surprise you for your birthday? Did it work? Was it fun? 
Yes! I lived in St. Louis when I turned 40, and a friend gave me a party that I knew about. What I didn't know is that two friends flew in from New Hampshire, one came from Georgia, and two others drove from Kentucky.  It can be difficult to surprise me because I tend to be very alert to details and changes in normal patterns of behavior. But on that occasion I was totally blown away.  A few years ago my husband also arranged a surprise at a local restaurant, and that was lots of fun.
 
4) Do you have a favorite birthday dessert? 
I was about to say that chocolate always rules, but at the above-mentioned 40th birthday the dessert I requested was an apple-walnut spice cake with caramel sauce. It is absolutely divine, and it is time to make it again!


5) Describe what would be your 'perfect birthday'.

I don't know that I have a perfect birthday in mind, but I do know that I feel disappointed when the day comes and goes like any other. I want festivity, friends, good food, and the rest follows from there. I've spent great birthdays with a handful of beloveds, and great birthdays with a bigger crowd.  One day out of the year it's nice to have a fuss made over me and soak up the love. However and wherever that happens works for me.

My 50th, with two of my beloveds!

Miss Sudie

In the one-thing-leads-to-another category, yesterday I found myself combing through a document my great aunt had written about her parents many years ago. I'm sure I had read all this before (and in fact much of it probably appeared in an autobiography that my aunt published for family about 20 years ago), but I felt as though I were reading the information for the first time. 

Chalk it up to mid-life reflection and a host of other things, but I find that I am hungry to know more about the people whose lives have a direct bearing on my existence whether through my gene pool or the impact of relationships. 

Such is the case with Sudie, my maternal great-grandmother. She is of special interest to me for several reasons. She is my mother's mother's mother, and as women know, the influence of our mothers on our lives has perhaps the most profound and significant impact on shaping what we believe and how we find our way to who we become. Of all my progenitors from that generation, Sudie takes center stage. She is also my closest link, in terms of kin, to Tennessee. She was born in 1869 and raised in Bedford County, about an hour from where I now live. I attribute my love for this state (geographically), to the genetic memory I carry from Sudie. As I unearth and become familiar with old family photos I wonder more and more about the woman behind the deep-set eyes. Reading the words that follow serve both to satisfy my hunger and whet my appetite for more.  The first paragraph are the observations of my aunt; the remainder from my grandmother.

Meet Miss Sudie:

"Mother had a remarkable memory and intellect... she never seemed to forget any information she acquired. She had an extraordinary facility with words. Perhaps some of us inherited that from her. She was never at a loss to define, pronounce correctly, or spell any word. Her mathematical skill was close to genius; she could solve any mathematical problem. She never forgot her Latin and was able to translate any amount of information about plants and their botanical names. She often said that if she had not married she would like to have become a landscape architect, or a pipe organist."

"I believe the underlying source of Mother's endurance, her patience, the interests of her life, was her deep, genuine religious faith. The faith that enabled her to live just long enough to have taken care of Daddy to the end. The faith which gave her strength to get up at night when she was suffering from what I later believed to have been angina, and go to Daddy's bedside when he said to her, "Miss Sudie, do something to make me feel more comfortable." The faith that kept her private devotions of daily importance, which led her to continue family prayers without Daddy, even if it were only for herself and Fanny; faith which supplied the energy to teach a Sunday School class of only two or three black children at Melrose on Sunday mornings when there was no other Sunday School for them to attend. The faith that gave her face that spiritual beauty."  

"I can't think of an other person I have known who had Mother's kind of faith: one that was never conspicuous or intrusive, but one that permeated her entire life, adding strength to her gentleness, endurance to her delicacy and a genuine love to her interest in other people. It is my conviction that this faith was developed and strengthened over her lifetime and must have been the outgrowth of intense suffering at some point."

"When you consider her as a very particular and excellent housekeeper, a gracious hostess of unlimited hospitality, a tender and devoted mother, a serene and loving wife and nurse, and combine these attributes with those of a manager of farms and business, a leader in church work, and a moving spirit in community uplift, it seems an almost incredible combination. Yet she never sacrificed her gentleness of character and her sweetness of nature to the sterner demands of her life."

How blessed I am to have such a woman impact my life.  What a challenge it is to emulate her!

stream of consciousness (pun intended)

We were in Gatlinburg last month to celebrate our anniversary and get away to our favorite place for respite, The Buckhorn Inn. It is truly a hidden gem of hospitality tucked into a fold of that mountainous area with an extraordinary view of Mt. LeConte, one of the highest peaks of the Great Smokey Mountains.

The morning we left to head home we took a walk along one of the area's many trails that featured early blooms of trillium, wood violets, and other beauties unfamiliar to me. The trail pretty much follows the curves of a tributary to the Little Pigeon River, and I never tired ot trying to capture the enthralling beauty of the water spilling over and around rocks as it tumbled its way down the mountain. At one such point I encountered a wee cairn, pictured above, that someone took the trouble to assemble not long before my own arrival at that point.

My own life doesn't include a tradition of cairns, but both my grandmother and her sister seemed to follow suit when they erected cairns on the family homestead to mark the occasion of their respective weddings.

 

my grandparents posing at their wedding cairn in Georgia

It never occurred to me when I had the chance to ask my grandmother about them, but now the genealogical sleuth within wants to know. I wonder about a family tradition based on nothing more than the fact that these are referred to in the photo album as cairns. A cairn is a distinctly Scottish word, referring to an erection of stones to mark an event or occasion of significance. Scripture is full of "cairns," though the reference to them is of building altars to the Lord (think of Jacob after wrestling with the angel). My great-great-grandmother was a Davidson, of Scottish descent.  I am more inclined to think that this idea became fashionable by some other means, however. Our Davidson ancestors came to this country more than two centuries before the weddings of my grandmother and great-aunt, and had such a tradition remained intact all those years, it seems unlikely that it would have ended with my grandmother and not been passed on to my mother and shared with me. 

All of that wondering notwithstanding, this morning I am thinking about cairns, and the ways we mark or acknowledge events of significance in our lives.  Communities large and small seem to do a better job of this than individuals, or perhaps they are just more visible. Marking anniversaries of victories, defeats, transitions and transformations is something we appear inclined to do, perhaps as a way to uniting us or offering us a means to feel that we belong to some thing and some place bigger than we are. 

Do you have a cairn, real or metaphoric? And how does it serve to draw you back or urge you forward in your life? This inquiring mind wonders.