the next blank page, part 1

No matter how long I live it is probably safe to say that I am past the half-way point. At 55, 110 seems not only suspect but undesirable! As I consider how I want to spend the rest of my work life--likely another ten years--I am also taking a look at other goals I have held for my life over the years. I am aware that although I can say, "there's lots of time ahead of me" to accomplish certain things, the reality is that it's time to apply a realistic assessment to what matters most and what can be released from my pocket of dreams.

This is about more than updating a list. It is about taking stock of my life in very real terms, and determining how I want to spend the days that remain, and what significance I want them to hold. There's a lot that goes into such a reflection, and to do justice to the effort all sorts of nooks and crannies must be explored and examined. Truth be told, this is an exercise not for the faint of heart!

One of the things that inspires my thinking is the story of a little dog named Atticus and his human companion, Tom. I wrote a couple of months ago about the delight I found in the book Following Atticus, and some of the introspection that Tom Ryan's story prompted me to do. I continue to follow Atticus and Tom (and Will, another member of their family) on facebook and on Tom's blog. I resonate a great deal with his perspective and world view, and feel challenged to hone my own life so that the values I hold within are reflected without. 

I've not been particularly successful when it comes to that latter desire. There's a country music song that contains the lyric "I've come to terms with my vanity," and in that same vein a part of the inner work I've done has led me to come to terms with what I call my deficits. I can always try harder, always look for ways to move in the direction of self-improvement, but at the same time I know that some things that have been out of my grasp probably will continue to be so. Part of taking stock means taking into account the things that get in the way, and I have concluded that there are times when the effort to try overcome those obstacles is better spent going around them. This approach is compatible with the notion of playing to one's strengths, something I also wrote about recently. 

Back to the desire to reflect outwardly the glow of my inward being. Without boring you with the whole process of how I came to consider the following possibility, I will simply share it with you. I think I will tackle a book. Not a novel, because I think that the one that is drastically unfinished within me is likely to remain so, but a collection of reflections. One of the things I do well is reflect, and the vehicle I often use for that process is writing. I have been encouraged to write. And although there are a couple of topics that have actually found some grounding with me, one in particular seems to be working its way into my consciousness for a serious conversation.

More on that in the next post. Consider this one its introduction.

variation on a theme

This morning I was scrolling through an email from a cross stitch source to which I subscribe, and this lovely opportunity came into view. Well hello, Anne of Cleves! After which I thought, "why in the world would anyone want to stitch a portrait of Anne?" I've already confessed to being enamored of the intricacies of the life of Henry VIII, including his wives (Anne being number four), but still...

Being a person for whom possibilities are fun to consider, however, I began to do just that. Here's a sample of my considering:

Find portraits of all six wives and cross stitch them to make into pillows. Be the first among your friends to have a Tudor-themed living room! Note: the patterns exist! And here's my favorite, though I can't begin to think why someone would spend hours upon hours stitching this to completion. Clearly, someone has. -->

Find portraits of other famous Annes to cross stitch and group the framed collection on a wall in your house. Or garage. Or bathroom. So far Anne Frank, Anne Hathaway, Queen Anne, Anne of Green Gables come to mind. That's a fairly diverse group carrying such a distinguished name!

Find portraits of other noble women of history who didn't lose their dignity, even if they did lose their royal spouse.

Identify famous persons to whom your own family tree has some connection. One of my ancestors helped negotiate the marriage between Henry and Anne of Cleves! I'm just realizing this makes me two historic degrees of separation from Henry.  Be still my heart!

Write a dissertation on the queen and frame her portrait in a shadow box with a copy of your manuscript.

Cross stitch a Tudor tapestry to hang on the wall. 

Okay, I've given this a really first rate attempt to think creatively. I'm sure that with the other great minds out there who come here for various reasons we can really beat the band with exceptional ideas. I hope you'll share yours!

lightening up

I don't know about you, but I could use a lighter tone today. My heart has been pretty heavy the last several days and something a bit more carefree feels in order.

I went back to the blog with the list of 30 ideas for conversation (or blog posts), and they are really more serious than I want to be for this post. Except maybe one: If you could have dinner with anyone in history who would it be, and what would you serve?

This used to be a regular question as part of the celebrity interview on the last page of each issue of Bon Appetit magazine. Consequently, I am prepared for this question. 

I have two answers. I have the one I came up with all those years ago courtesy of Bon Appetit, and another one because I am reconsidering my original, long-held answer, courtesy of Bon Appetit.

The first answer is Henry VIII. Bet you didn't expect that! I got quite fascinated with Henry and the saga of his many wives ages ago when Masterpiece Theater aired a series called, oddly enough, The Six Wives of Henry VIII. I was 13. This was also the era when I became absolutely infatuated with Franco Zeffirelli's production of Romeo and Juliet, and I memorized essentially the entire play by listening to the recording of the movie over and over and over again. (This is one reason I so readily recall the prince's exhorting speech at the end that I have quoted a few times on the blog. It contains the phrase, "all are punish-ed!" I can still hear the precise delivery of that line in my head). Was it the costumes?

But I digress. Henry. As a result of the aforementioned exposure to this Tudor king I bought and read the novel The Autobiography of Henry VIII when it came out in 1998.  The novel treats Henry somewhat sympathetically compared to most historical perspectives, and  I became convinced by the novel that Henry got a very bad wrap from history. He had a brilliant theological mind and a complete and total devotion to England.  These two realities in his life are what drove his decisions, no matter how we might evaluate them. I came to appreciate the specific challenges he faced as a monarch, and how his theological training and beliefs came to bear as he tried to make decisions that would result in the best service to his country. Seeing Henry in this light, the opportunity to dine with him and talk about the issues intrigue me. 

Today, however, I see this a little differently. I still view Henry much more sympathetically than most, but I suspect that I would find him much more closed-minded than I give him credit for being, and that might not bode so well for an evening of lively exchanges. Then again, he was an outstanding athlete, poet, musician and charmer, so perhaps the original renaissance man might make a fabulous dinner companion. As to what I would serve him: I have no idea. Think he'd like pizza with pepperoni and onions?

My second choice is my great-grandmother, my mother's mother's mother, Sudie. By all accounts she was an extraordinary woman. Her faith was deep and sustaining, her mind astute and quick, and her devotion to her family and others whose lives were intertwined with her own was unyielding. I realize that this could describe many women of her era (1869-1938). Something I learned about her not long ago, however, puts a little flesh on those general bones: asked what she would have liked to do with her life had she not married, she answered that she would have enjoyed being a landscape architect. How cool! She also had a brilliant mathematical mind. And her daughters thought she was perfect. (No joke!) There are an assortment of other things I've been told about her, but sharing all of that would result in a full chapter. And that from never having met her!

Sudie's dinner is a little easier to imagine: fresh produce from the garden for a salad and from which to make soup (I'm thinking tomato basil); a goat cheese and kalamata olive tart with sun-dried tomatoes and balsamic vinegar; rotisserie chicken marinated with a shallot, mustard and herb vinaigrette; mushroom risotto (and I don't even like mushrooms); and for dessert, fresh South Carolina peaches drizzled with a champagne-raspberry reduction. Dang, now I'm hungry!

So there you have it. Who would you invite to dinner? And what would you serve?

mea culpa

My husband and I love the movie "The Blind Side." We enjoy the humor and the "feel good" aspects of it, but mostly we love it as an example of how the unexpected interactions and transactions of our lives have the potential to transform hearts and change lives in amazing ways. I wonder how often we miss the signs that, if they were to appear in reality would read, "Caution: God's Love at Work."

There is one scene in the movie, however, that always gives me pause. The family is situated in the bleachers for Micheal's first high school football game, and a parent from the opposing team shouts out less-than flattering remarks directed at Michael. Young S. J. Tuohy wants to respond, but his mother gives him a restraining pat on the knee and asserts with confidence, "Sticks and stones, S. J. Sticks and stones."

We all know to what she is referring. Who among us didn't grow up reciting those words in their fuller context as an attempt to ward off the sting of hurtful remarks intended to diminish us? Words most certainly have the power to inflict pain and cause heartache.

This morning I write this as a confessional post, because recently I was the one careless with words that inflicted pain on someone I love. It is never my intention to wound, and I am usually very careful with my words. I know better than to write something when I am upset that carries the potential for regret. On this occasion I failed my better angels, causing hurt and reaping the cost of that failure. For that I take responsibility, and suffer the weight of my sin.

It is humbling to be reminded that as I seek to contribute to the greater good beyond my own life and world, to shape a kinder and more expansive sphere where ideas can be exchanged and boundaries extended, I must also tend to the intimate environments where the impact of my choices is felt most keenly. It is imperative to love and enact justice from an integrated whole of heart and mind if my intentions and beliefs are to find meaning with the next word I speak or action I take in the world at large.

Words matter in every context. They have the power to influence, encourage, persuade, distort, inspire, demonize, denigrate, and yes, hurt. We can respond with laughter and tears, compassion and anger, resolution and resentment. Because the trajectory of what results from our words can lead to pain, brokenness and estrangement, it is incumbent upon us to strive at all times for reconciliation and grace, mercy and love.  

It is inevitable that our efforts from time to time will fail.  Standing this morning in the pool of that failure I seek forgiveness, reaching for the light and love of God that bestows the balm of healing. I learn and grow, and begin again.

big epiphany. BIG!

I never thought I would see the day that I would actually thank Mitt Romney for something, but just such an occasion occurred the other day on my way to work. Fed up with endless political coverage on the morning news, the sound of his voice prompted me to turn off the radio. In the ensuing silence I took up a not uncommon ritual that begins, "Well God, here we are..."

I don't publicize my years-long struggle with prayer that has left me groping for the deep connection with the divine that I used to enjoy and took for granted. It somehow seemed unseemly to admit that a priest just couldn't pray. I tried. When called upon I could muster up the connection and the words. But something broke a while ago and I have had trouble since then with prayer. 

A recent piece I saw on television that shared the results of a "prayer energy study" convinced me, however, that it was time to give it another whirl. So the other day while driving to work I whirled. In prayer, not on the road.

 

With anything significant happening in my life I strike up conversations with God. With changes on the horizon as I begin the journey of looking for a new job, it was a natural course of action. I jumped right in where I thought we had left off previously on the subject of vocation, namely: "Please! I need clarity and direction!" This has been a mantra of prayer for more than ten years, and it has been an intensely frustrating effort to hear any acknowledgement or response to my please.

And then the Holy Spirit nudged my mind to wander a bit. Crafty bugger, she is. My thoughts went back 25 years (gracious!) to a card I received from a friend that read: "God loves us for who we are, not for who we are supposed to be," or words to that effect. Inside the card she had written, "sometimes those two are not far apart." My mind considered that wisdom, and on reflection landed on this: I already knew everything I needed to know about what to do next and what direction to follow. Trust that. 

I was reminded of the story about the believer who prayed to God about two choices before him. He appealed to the almighty for guidance making the choice, saying, "this option has all of these benefits, all of which would be wonderful. The other option has those benefits, all of which would be wonderful. Which should I choose?" To which God replied, "either one would be fine with me."

The epiphany is that God has given me all that I need to move forward. I don't need to wait on guidance that has been there all along, I simply need to heed the wisdom of what I already know. Self-awareness is, after all, one of the gifts God gave me. Use it, for heaven's sake!

I can't tell you what a relief it is to come to this understanding, and how it has opened a door to listening in a new way to what I know about myself.  Now the work begins to piece together the knowledge I have and seek opportunities that will draw on the fullness of who I am and what I have to offer.  

Stay tuned. And have a great week.

door closed

One wait is over and another begins.

I learned yesterday that I will not be staying on in my job. Yes, it sucks. There is a long list of reasons why this job has been such a good fit for me, so it is hard to pack up my things and go home (in two weeks) and see it go to someone else, no matter how qualified. Plain and simple, it hurts.

This morning, and probably for the next several days (if not longer), I will dance between grief and the necessary gear shift into anticipation and looking ahead to whatever comes next. I am grateful that the facebook responses to this news have stuck to sympathy or positive encouragement about the next chapter. I braced myself for the "everything happens for a reason" line and was prepared to delete it. I don't share that view (except along cause and effect lines, like "the road is wet because it rained") and am not in a mood to indulge it. I am particularly grateful for those who understand that I am in a place of hurt and allow me the grace to be here. I will move on soon enough.

So I am back to intense discernment, a very frustrating place to be because I have been in constant discernment for years. Years!  I am torn, somewhat raggedly, about seeking work related to the Church. When I attend worship I find it painful to be in the pew. God did not call me to sit there, and that call renews itself when I do. At the same time parish work has been consistently unsatisfying in too many ways to want to entertain that possibility. Add to that a fractured relationship with my bishop and the way appears strewn with more obstacles than encouragement.

I am so weary of being in a place weighed down with a lack of clarity. At the same time I cannot afford to be still (I am not referring to spiritual stillness--that is a must!). Financially there is no room to go without a paycheck. Practically, in this economy, any gap in employment hurts my chances to gain employment. And for the sake of my confidence, self-promotion and a daily effort to secure work is de rigueur. Starting today--the need to grieve notwithstanding--positive thinking is moving to the front of the line of thoughts. No pushing or shoving by other kinds of thoughts will be tolerated.

Here's my strategy, and I'm inviting anyone who so chooses to join my strategy team. Feel free to assign yourself a job title: something like Encourager in Chief sounds good. Be creative!

1) Pray. Hop on the prayer wagon!
2) Listen.
3) Make some choices about the kind of work I want to seek.
4) Network. I've got a flatbed lined up to accommodate people who will help me network.
5) Remain open to the possibilities (this is actually easy--fits right into my Meyers-Briggs type).
6) Repeat this phrase early and often: "Yes I can!"
7) Generate income by other legal means. I'll continue to sell Pampered Chef and will also promote my genealogy service.
8) Pray some more.
9) Refuse to settle. This may be a real challenge, depending on what crops up, because I know how tempting it can be to settle. Maybe I should view such temptation as Satan-inspired. (wink)
10) Laugh.
11) Create.

I feel much better now. Writing to you has helped me to focus and talk myself into a positive place. What an amazing team you all are! Thanks for that. I mean that more than you know.

xoxo

seeking strength

As the clock ticks on and my work fate continues to be unknown, it is getting to be time to hitch up my skirt (using that term metaphorically) and think about job hunting. No doubt I should have begun this process a good while ago, but I was feeling optimistic about my chances of staying in my present job. There is every reason to continue to feel optimistic, but I need to be smart and shift to Plan B mode.

Yesterday I was alerted by email of an article to which the AAUW (American Association of University Women) Linked-In group had linked. It had to do with the idea of leading with our strengths, as opposed to focusing too much on developing weaknesses. It also talks about the positive impact a group can experience when its leader(s) are willing to acknowledge his or her weaknesses. "Not only does this build trust in and of itself, it gives other members of the team permission to be similarly vulnerable. Great leaders understand that they don’t need to be well-rounded but that their teams do."

Included in the article was a link to a site where one could take a survey to determine character strengths. The survey is extensive, with over 200 questions, and it ranks one's strengths from first to last, focusing on the benefit of the character trait. Always grateful to be armed with knowledge that can help me understand myself better--not to mention give me language to use when job-hunting--I decided to take the survey and see what I might learn.

Although the questions on the survey weren't unlike questions on other surveys I've taken, I didn't appreciate the spectrum of values it was seeking to identify. Of the 21 characteristics, here, in order, are my top five strengths: forgiveness, fairness, honesty, judgment (as in prudent use of), and perspective. Interestingly (to me, anyway), the sixth trait was appreciation for beauty and excellence.

I have to say that I was startled to see forgiveness at the top. Not that I don't consider myself to be a forgiving person, I do. I suspect that the rankings are achieved as a result of consistency in how I responded to the questions, and my responses to questions related to forgiveness must have been more consistent than questions related to the other traits. I was also surprised to see that creativity ranked fourteenth. Creativity is such an integral part of who I am and how I thrive.  I suspect that this result is skewed because of how I deal with questions that use language like "I always..."  I also have something of a split personality when it comes to creativity--I am far more adept at being creative with ideas and solving problems than I am with the artistic side of life. I'm also better at creating an experience than I am being particularly original producing something tangible like a scrapbook layout, or quilt, or whatever.

Lastly (for the purposes of this post), I couldn't help but notice that I had difficulty with questions that wanted to get at how I was perceived by my friends. Maybe it's because my life these days is bereft of much in-person contact with friends, so the sharing of spontaneous observation or conversation around such things is limited. My inability to identify such perceptions, however, is giving me pause, not to mention cause for reflection.

If you want to take the time to take the survey, you can do so for free. A detailed interpretation of the results costs $20, but to receive the rankings costs nothing but time. I'd be interested, should any of you decide to do this, to hear about your results. 

In the meantime, I've got some work to do!

rising and shining

I'm not talking about a perky attitude when we first get up in the morning.

Let me explain. 

You may recall that I have more than a passing interest in genealogy. I come by this naturally as both of my grandmothers shared this interest and collected a fair amount of information about our respective forebears. Nice as it is to have been handed that wealth of data, it doesn't provide many opportunities for sleuthing on my part to unearth new branches of the tree or solve any pending mysteries. Lucky for me I have Ken's family to search, as well as the families of both my son- and daughter-in-law. Yes-siree, I just love filling in those blanks, and I've been having a good time!

One thing about genealogists, we are pretty good about scratching each others backs and sharing data. We also take pictures of tombstones of people to whom we're not related and don't hold any interest for us personally. There's a web site called "Find a Grave" that is the meeting place for searchers and finders, and I'm identified with that site as a volunteer who will go in search of a local grave for someone who isn't able to make the hunt themselves. It's amazing the number of requests that have come in for people who are buried in my county.

One such request came yesterday, for a gentleman not so terribly long deceased and buried in a cemetery barely off the path of my route to and from work. Ken and I have an engagement on the heels of my arrival home tonight, so I decided this morning that I would leave a few minutes early and stop by the cemetery with my camera. The big question: would the inscription be in sunlight or shadow?

While I was driving to the cemetery I began thinking about the practice of orienting graves. This is something about which I feel I should know, given that a part of my priestly job description includes burying people, and one of my avocations is photographing headstones. Alas, this knowledge eludes me. As I was mulling all this over while I negotiated the tight curves of the road leading to the cemetery, I was reminded of a notation among the records of one of my ancestors. As I recall the family lived in the mountains of western North Carolina. It is written that the ancestor remarked that he would be glad to be buried in this part of God's creation because he couldn't imagine a finer sight than to rise on a particular spot when it came time for his resurrection. I call that planning for the future!

The question that lurks is this: is there a preferred direction in which to be buried? Do we want to face east to the rising sun? There are distinct theological opinions about the significance of north, east, south and west, although I don't think many people are aware of such things any more. Does anyone even care? Does your place of final repose matter to you, and if so, why?

When I reached the cemetery I was disappointed to discover that all inscriptions faced west and were in shadow. Sure, they could still be photographed, but the photographer and artist within me wouldn't settle for that. I will have to go back on another day and take my time documenting the place where a number of lives were laid to rest. I pray they anticipate with gladness the day that they, like my ancestor, will rise and shine.

random. really.

During an idle moment this morning while cruising Pinterest, I saw a photo with a link to a blog that offered 30 ideas for conversation while on a date, a road trip, during a "getting to know you" exercise, and so on. Since we have a road trip in our future, I thought it would be fun to check it out, so check it out I did. For the record, I'm planning to bring most of this list along on the aforementioned trip (for better or worse, we are already quite familiar with the subject matter of some of these ideas). In the meantime, it offers some fodder for blogging. Since I am a sporadic blogger these days I'll take any help I can get to prompt an entry here on reverent irreverence.

The first one on the list is to generate another list. Twenty random things about myself.

Oddly (I suppose), my first reaction to doing that here was, "but that makes it all about me." And then I had a V-8 moment and considered that this is my blog, after all, so this is a natural place to write about me. Truth be told, though, as much as I have concerns about my own life, and although I certainly share what goes on in my life, I prefer that my reflections here be about the broader world. It is in that broader world where we find points of intersection and commonality with others, and it is interaction with those others that give texture and richness to our lives.

Today, however, I'm going to yield to some randomness. Here goes.

1) I have an extra vertebrae in my spine. How 'bout that! If you're interested, the interloper is in the cervical portion of my spine.
2) My favorite flavor of ice cream is mocha chip (or any variation on what that might be called).
3) I have a crescent-shaped scar on my right cheek where a dog bit me when I was 11.
4) As of today I have 219 pins on my Sheep board on Pinterest. That happens to be the greatest number of pins of any of my 57 boards. (The runner-up is stuff related to the home, with 210).
5) I don't have a favorite color.
6) When I was 14 I spent six weeks living with cousins in Lausanne, Switzerland. It was there that I fell in love with French.
7) I have been on a hot air balloon ride.

8) My first job was working in a bakery. Believe it or not, I lost weight working there.
9) I was the costume designer for a production of "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" while in college.
10) It always amuses me when I look at a digital clock and the time is my birthday (5:13). It happens more often than you would think!
11) I completed or had waived all my high school graduation requirements by the end of the fall semester, senior year. It amazes me still that my parents didn't object to me finishing early.
12) I have a title picked out for the Great American Novel I will probably never write. I've written the first line, know the name of the main character, and have a clear sense of what I want this book to be about. All I lack is a real plot.
13) I play the recorder.
14) During what would have been the spring semester of my senior year in high school I took a calligraphy course at a local community college.
15) When I was in fifth grade I set a school record for girls in the long jump. I think it was 19 feet and change. No doubt that record has long since been broken (given what a superior athlete I am not!).

By the way, that's not me. Bet you couldn't tell.

16) In spite of the fact that I am a lousy housekeeper I actually like to clean the house. It's just that there are a hundred other things I would rather do.
17) I make great corn chowder.
18) Christmas is my favorite holiday
19) Once upon a time I sang in the chorus of a production of "Applause!"
20) When Geraldine Ferraro was candidate for VP I scored the job of driver in her motorcade when she visited Connecticut.

So, what's random about you today?

week 28 in review

We were away last weekend, celebrating Jude's first birthday in Augusta so I was unable to post my regular week in review. Not that any of us missed much. Except for the birthday weekend festivities--loaded with photo ops--only one accomplishment during the past couple of weeks save the time-frame from being utterly unremarkable. But here goes!

On the home front the remarkable achievement is the installation of a doggie door! This means that we can now be completely sedentary in our lifestyle at home since we no longer have to get up out of our chairs to open the door for the dogs. This also means I can finally get a full night's sleep on a regular basis since McKinlee can let herself out at 1:30 in the morning when she needs some relief. I am happy to report that except for one minor infraction of indoor pooping we have been accidentless indoors now for two weeks! Actually it's been longer than that--since the fence was finished the house has been much "fresher."

Family. As noted earlier, it was all about Jude last weekend. Ashley outdid herself with a Dr. Seuss theme, and the kids reveled in nonstop play on an inflatable in the back yard. The birthday boy was suitably cute and irresistible for the occasion, especially when he did several face-plants into the cake to save himself the tediousness of using his hands to consume portions of the chocolate goodness. Alas, this meant that none of the rest of us got to enjoy any cake. Such is life in the world of a one-year old!

At work it's been slow. We're still packing for the move, there is still no word about my fate, and most of my time is directed toward fall programming. Blah, blah, blah!

On a personal note I've been doing a lot of genealogy research. There are grandchildren now, after all! I've been working on Ken's branch for a little while but have now added Travis' into the mix. There are lots of limbs that need to be pursued and mysteries to be solved!  I am finding it particularly annoying when others who post their research don't use a bit of discernment when recording information. The number of children born to a couple who aren't yet married (and I'm talking by several years), or to a mother who is deceased or eight-years old is astounding. Ach! The availability of census data is an amazing boon to researchers, but far too many assumptions are made about how people are related to one another. Caution is increasingly the word of the day as I plod along. I will also confess that I am guilty at times of including data that appears suspect. I have adopted the practice of adding comments as I go to disclaim any suggestion of certainty and point to how I have arrived at a conclusion. All in all it's still fun, in spite of the potential for error and disappointment. 

Bonus round! We went to see "Brave" yesterday. Set in Scotland I was, of course, in full tilt glory. Some parts of the story dragged, but it was otherwise amusing and wise.  The music was wonderful, but I have to say that the accents  were all over the place, especially for the leads! The pronunciation of the word "you" was most authentic, but the inflections were an inconsistent blend of Irish, Scottish and American. It was distracting at first, but I got over it in time to enjoy the story and be teary at the end. This was also a notable event in that Ken does not go to see animated films! He is convinced that animation deprives actors of employment (true story!) and refuses to go on those principled grounds. If he paid attention to the credits he would learn quickly that animation provides lots of employment to a whole lot of people, including actors, but such is his perspective. Still, I count it as a small victory that he 1) was willing to go and 2) enjoyed it!

See ya next week, if not before!

friday five: randomness!

At RevGals there appears to be a new tradition popping up: second Friday's are random! So without further ado I'm getting my random on!

1.  If a spaceship landed in your back yard, and three very cute little aliens knocked on your door and asked you to show them around Earth,where would you take them? 

This is really hard. I'd love to show them the beauty of this world and all its variety. Like the Grand Canyon, Iguazu Falls in South America, Glen Lake in Michigan, the Smokey Mountains at any time of year (above), the view from our cottage in South Carolina... I'd want them to see an adorable litter of puppies, a baby giraffe, and some over-the-moon new parents with their wee bundle of joy. I'd want them to join giggling children and fawn over couples in love. I'd want them to taste exquisite food and enjoy the breeze and blooms of a spring day.  I'd love to show them the marvels of architecture in Paris, the magnificence of the Alps and the beaches of the Mediterranean.  We would go dancing with tribes in Africa and boogie to the jibs of a fiddle.  My question is, do they need to see a balanced view of what the world is like? Poverty, ruins, illness, neglect...?

2.  What is making you grumpy these days?

It's been four weeks since the search committee for my job made their recommendation to my boss, and we have still heard nothing about the outcome. This is ridiculous! If I don't keep my job then I need to find a new one, and it would be nice to know if that were to be the case. Argh!

3.  O.K., so now that you got the grumps out, what is one thing today that will be sheerly joyful for you?

Getting home from work and beginning the weekend!

4.  Do you have a garden?  What are you growing?   If you don't, what is your favorite fresh summertime vegetable/fruit/flower?

Our garden has suffered the slings and arrows of dreadful heat and drought this summer. Not to mention that birds have single-beakedly destroyed most of our tomato crop. BUT! Our herbs have endured, and it looks like our peppers may be salvageable. Here's some pesto in progress using our basil.

5.  If the aforementioned aliens suddenly demanded all the contents of your closet, OR ELSE (as in clothing, shoes,  etc.) but kindly said you could keep three items, what would they be? 

A pair of sweats, a comfy sweater and a t-shirt. 

week 25 in review

Yes, it's that time again: the weekly roundup! Settle in and ride along with me.

On the home front

It's only small scale excitement here this week. I am loving that my rudbeckia (black-eyed Susan) is starting to bloom with perfusion. It's probably my favorite perennial since it needs such little care and responds well to apparent neglect. This would be compared to petunias, with whom I have a love/hate relationship. I have never grown petunias successfully because they always get so leggy. I've been told to pinch them back, but even that hasn't worked terribly well in the past. We have a hanging basket of 'tunias this year that joined the household full of blooms. All I can say at this point is that it looks like a big colorful mess that does NOT respond well to neglect. Sigh. 

Our tomatoes appear to be doing well, unless you count their untimely end when supped upon by birds.  We've already lost six ripening toms to the winged beasts.  Yesterday Ken picked up some rubber snakes to thwart the little pretties, and we'll see how they work. I do not--repeat, do not--want to go the route of caging.

Family 

My Aunt Hap, dad's remaining sibling, turns 85 next month, so a big family bash is planned in Cincinnati. Hap's nieces and nephews are in touch via global email to keep each other up to date on plans and ideas. Of the six branches of the family descended from the siblings, five will be represented at the party, and we're working on the sixth.  As usual, I will be the lone standard bearer from my clan.  And Dana and Mike, I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to see you since we'll be so close!

I've been scanning more pictures that came home with me from dad's, and am feeling inspired to take note of all the questions that occur to me as I look at these. I know nothing, for instance, of my dad's grandparents, and close to nothing about his father's side of the family.  It's time for my aunt to succumb to an interview. Fortunately she is an encyclopaedia of family lore and her memory is very good.  I've decided to write down some of my questions and send them to her in advance so she can start filling her tank with an arsenal of stories. That's Hap on the right, with her sister Enid, probably in the mid 1930's. I adore this picture.

At work

It's been a slow week of continuing to purge and pack, and work on the flow of a new design for the Center's web site. Some of that is fun, but much of it is tedious.  No word on the job.

On the table

Some lettuce from our garden! Alas, no pictures, but what a treat to reap what has been sowed!

On a personal note

For a change I got to spend all day at home yesterday. I spent it dividing my time between domestic necessities like laundry and vacuuming, making headway in reducing and organizing the clutter that claims my office, and scanning photos.  All in all, I am quite pleased with myself! I will make an effort to follow up today with more of same. Aren't you glad to know this?

I'm not aware of much on the radar of the week ahead, but stay tuned! And have a good one yourself. Ciao!

epiphanies

I had an epiphany this morning on the way to work as I listened to the news. I'm not a news junkie by any stretch of the imagination, but somewhere along the road to middle-age I turned the corner from casual observer of the world (news-wise) to valuing being informed. It feels like a curse these days as the news is so dismal about so much of what is going on "out there." The desire to turn off the news halfway through a story is what birthed my epiphany. 

We (those who think like me) wonder why so many people have their heads in the sand when it comes to making political choices. Women vote for ultra-conservatives who want to push back the progress made for women's freedom and opportunity to a place I wouldn't recognize. The marginalized vote for people who want to marginalize them further. You get the picture. It. Makes. No. Sense.

Except that it does when you stop to think that the only way not to allow the woes of the world and machinations of the powerful who want to control that world to interfere with our own individual sense of contentment and well-being is to shut it off and pretend its not there. When we do that we can imagine a world where people treat each other well and want the best for one another and believe the dross that drips from the lips of those who do the opposite. I get it. That's my latest epiphany. Earthshaking, isn't it?

Sadly this epiphany doesn't accomplish anything. It isn't going to change the time I get up in the morning or alter my route home from work. Perhaps more sadly it won't influence my diet or exercise habits. The only good news, I suppose, is that it is evidence that my mind continues to work and reflect and yield fruit, bitter as that fruit is. Sigh.

I've had some other epiphanies recently, too, though of course I can't recall them at this moment while I'm at the keyboard. A couple of them might actually be worthy of leading to something, but none of them in and of themselves are life-changing. Still, I'll take a foundational sort of building block epiphany. One by one they stack up sufficiently to change the view, and when that happens, well, there's just no telling what will come next.

This morning's epiphany wasn't exactly welcome. It certainly doesn't make me happy. The only thing I can say about it is that it broadened my understanding and increased the capacity of my compassion (okay, sort of on the latter).  The news is still dismal, and I don't feel like I'm making much difference in helping shape a brighter world with better news to shout from the rooftops or whatever I'm building with my blocks.  

For today, I guess I'll just have to settle for being a little wiser. 

Here's to ya!

week 24 in review

On the Home front

Our parsley is flourishing! We've also got some tomatoes beginning to ripen, basil that is going to seed (it seems too early--the whole summer stretches before us, so now what after the pesto is made?)

Family

at Melrose when I was five months old

It's been a poignant week for me as I've begun to go through the collection of things brought back from dad's when we were there to get the piano in May. I've scanned some more photos, and continue to trip over tears and grief as memories of a life, known and unknown, rise to the surface. It's been nostalgic, to say the least, and perhaps because life has been such a struggle the last several years I am finding refuge in memories of less stressful times. Perhaps that is why Edinburgh begs my presence. I miss my dad. 

On the Table

This isn't our creation, but Ken's lunch from the "Smokey, et al" food truck at the American Artisan Festival we attended on Saturday. That's not a traditional burger, but a hodgepodge of pork (ham, bacon, you name it!). Think of it as a meat-lover's pizza without the part that makes it a pizza. Sort of makes me cringe from a health standpoint. I had a rather amazing sandwich of grilled curried peanut butter chicken with apricot marmalade from the Peanut Butter Paradise Truck. Very delish. Photogenic? not so much.

At Work

Wow, what a week! Incredibly productive meetings resulting in an exciting and extensive "to do" list when it comes to serving the needs of our adult students. So many ideas and such creative and enthusiastic people with whom to collaborate! It was also the week when final scholarship decisions were made (or in a few cases, almost made). I love the part of my job when I can tell someone that their financial burden for the coming academic year will be reduced by $4000.  Yay!

On a personal note

As mentioned above, we ventured out into the big city on Saturday to attend the American Aritsan Festival in Nashville's Centennial Park. We hadn't been to an art/craft show in what seems like forever, and I was in heaven as my soul was drenched with the creative fruits of the artisans present. Amazing work, just amazing. Ken asked me what my favorite "booth" was, and I couldn't narrow it down. What was fun to note is that work I would have walked past previously called me to explore and appreciate it. And then there was this hammock (among others in the collection) strung between trees that simply looked inviting on a hot day.

Bonus Round!

I covered my gray colored my hair gave my hair a boost yesterday. I tinker with the idea of coloring on a regular basis but yesterday it seemed that the stars were in alignment, so the deed is done. No pictures yet. I don't have the kind of camera that I can hold out at arms length to photograph myself (unlike some people I know on facebook who never tire of posting their self-portraits for the rest of us--and I'm not talking about anyone who reads this blog!), and it didn't occur to me until just this moment that I could use the bathroom mirror. Next time!

Enjoy your week!

an unexpected twinge

Ken has gotten a notion into his head to plan the perfect Knights Templar tour. He often comes up with ideas that lean toward the fanciful and then there is no further word about them. But this is an idea that continues to resurface, and last night he asked me to pull out my world atlas so that he could take a serious look at the geography of his plan.

The tour would, of course, include a stop at Rosslyn Chapel. The chapel is located outside of Edinburgh, Scotland, and when I couldn't locate it where I thought it was on the map, I headed to the internet for a precise pinpointing of this critical destination.

I was both right and wrong in recalling where it was. I haven't been there, but could have made the excursion on one of several trips I've taken to Scotland, including a semester during college as part of the "study abroad" program. I knew it was an easy day's excursion from the city. From the Rosslyn web site I clicked on the "get directions" portion of the page and was startled to see that Rosslyn is, in fact, a stone's throw from the perimeter highway that circles Edinburgh. More than that, it is incredibly close to the area where I lived while there as a student.

Learning of Rosslyn's locale was a pleasant surprise, but it came with a nostalgic twinge that I didn't anticipate as the map of Edinburgh came into focus. The street names grabbed my attention like the voice of a long lost friend. Images, impressions and experiences leaped to mind, and I was drawn quickly into memories that run deep and warm with a visceral connection to a place that I love.  I felt a longing to be there, to ride the buses and walk the hilly streets, stop in at the pubs and linger in the parks. The smell of the breweries, far from fragrant, are as much a part of the sensory landscape as the distinctive accent and the glow of the afternoon light that paints the stone walls of the city's buildings with rich, brilliant color. 

Connection to place is one of the human experiences that defies explanation, but I can attest that to this city and the countryside that extends north and south from it, I am deeply attached. There is a spiritual connection that transcends words, and a love for the rugged rocks and prickly blooms of the highlands that bid me welcome.  There are the sheep, the cascading burns, and the lonely ruins that reverberate with the blood-soaked history of Scotland's modern peace.  It is a place that from coast to coast and mountain to lowland draws me and nourishes me in a way no other place has ever done.  It is home.

Once again I covet my connection to it: savoring the sweets of Clarinda's Tea Room on the High Street, drinking in the colors and patterns of tartans in the kilt shops, breathing in the aromatic scents of the Indian restaurants that dot the neighborhoods, and taking my place among the pedestrian traffic that makes its way from one part of the day to the next.  It is all rich in my memory and feeds my soul in these days so far removed from their origins. 

No matter the time and space that divide my life now from those months of incredible opportunity.  There is a trip being planned. In due time, it will all be there to greet me again.

week in review

It's been a Big Week here! How big, you ask? Read on!

On the home front:

The fence is done! There are a few tweaks still to make, but the important thing is that the yard is now secure for the dogs to run freely. Yes, those were our huge sighs of relief that you heard last night that you might have confused as thunder rumbling in the distance. Our sighs came from that deep within! This has been a very long time coming, and we are sooooooo thrilled to have this task completed. Did I mention how glad we are to have the fence done? Here's a brief photo retrospective. Amazingly I did not document any of yesterday's activity that nudged us over this finish line. I just wanted to revel in the experience. Photos will come!

Family:

We were absolutely tickled to enjoy a visit with the Hamiltons last weekend. We met up with them in Murfreesboro Saturday morning where the kids participated in the local "Small Fri Tri" event, and it was too cute! They ran, biked, and then took on the sprinklers to cross the finish line and take their trophies. Rock on, boys! Tuesday Ken was able to spend the day with them, but they came to the 'boro to join me for lunch, then we all met again for dinner. We bade farewell to them at breakfast the next morning at their hotel. Fortunately Jude has a Significant Birthday coming up in July, so we will see them again soon!

On the table:
We enjoyed a great chicken on the grill last night (again, no photos, but here's something from earlier in the year, just so you can feast your eyes on our mixed grill of steak and kielbasa with roasted onions and peppers!). It was a slow roast, marinated in a garlic and herb dressing with a splash of pear wine made by a friend. Add corn on the cob and Ken's favorite "cabbage salad" (a vinegar-based cole-slaw) and we were in heaven!

At work:

In anticipation of my area's relocation to a new student union building in August, we are busy purging files. The Center for which I am serving as interim director will lose the physical portion of what makes us who we are (the center for women and nontraditional students), and that translates to the loss of space and storage. The strategy behind the new configuration of offices is best left to another post, but  for now our challenge is to downsize. The process is tedious and time-consuming, although some of the things unearthed in the process are illuminating! On a brighter note, I oversee a specific pot of $50,000 in scholarship money, and the recipients of those funds were determined earlier this week. I love the part of my job where I can give away money!

On a personal note:

The process of hiring the permanent director for the above-mentioned position is underway and coming to a close. I have applied (as previously noted in other posts). I have a good shot at keeping my job. I am still anxious about what happens if someone else is selected. There's been way too much uncertainty in my life in recent years related to work, and I would really like not to be on the short end of that stick for a while. Thoughts, prayers, vibes, etc., are appreciated as the process moves forward. I will probably know something within the next two weeks.

And as a bonus...

Did I mention that we finished the fence? Have a great week!

friday five: whatever!

At RevGals Kathryn offers us a random meme for today's Friday Five. I'll play! 

1.  What religion/faith besides yours captures your curiosity and why?
I'm intrigued by just about any faith system, but the one I feel most compelled to learn about is Islam. I'm so tired of the rants against Muslims resulting from ignorance and extremist actions, and I'd like to get better informed so that I can be a source of information to counter the voice of the radical right on this subject.  Unfortunately I don't retain what I read very well. That said, however, a very good read for Christians is Jesus: One Man, Two Faiths, by Ron Messier

2.  What is the first or most memorable pop song you ever learned as a kid?
I'm going to say "Red Rubber Ball." It is still a favorite

(tried to embed it here, without success)

3.  If God were a color.....(finish this sentence creatively)
You mean God isn't a color?

4.  If you were going to make a sandwich right now for lunch, and you magically had all the items you need for it, what would that sandwich be?
A standard favorite is a BLT, and we almost always have the ingredients on hand for that. Other favorites include roast turkey with tarragon aioli and brie on rye; grilled ham and cheddar cheese on marbled rye with cranberry mustard; and what I refer to as a "stack:" a slice of rye cut from a large round loaf, piled with slices of black forest ham, turkey, swiss cheese, tomatoes, red onion, bacon, and lettuce, topped with a special sauce (a homemade version of Thousand Island dressing).  Now I'm hungry!

5.  How are you doing?  Really, how are you?

Mostly good. Really! I'm dealing with some anxiety because my present job is as interim at a local university. I'm a candidate for the permanent position, for which interviews are being conducted right now. My chances are good, but anything can happen.  If they choose someone else I have no clue what I will do next. When I lean into God I experience peace. I just need to remember to lean more often.

My husband is in a funk at the moment, and that is decidedly not fun.

Bonus:  What are you enjoying/loving right now?

The frequency with which we have been able to see our daughter and her family (grandkids!) lately.

last weekend in town and participating in the local parks and rec Small Fri Tri(athlon)

week in review

with Park Overall

 

Sally put together this Friday Five at RevGals a little while ago, but I was on the road (see earlier post) and learned about it several days later. I've been thinking about doing a regular post similar to this each week as a way to keep me blogging (at least weekly!). So here goes...

This week, what has 

Encouraged you?
Tomorrow (Monday) I interview for my job. I'm presently serving as interim director, and am eligible to apply for the position as permanent director of the center for women and nontraditional students at one of our state universities.  A presentation to the search committee and staff of the division of student affairs is part of the interview process, and although I am nervous about that (I'll be presenting the "old fashioned" way, sans power-point!), I am confident about the subject I am required to present.  There are five of us in this final part of the process, which is what makes me nervous. It costs money to bring candidates to campus, and the other four must be worth the expense. Ach! Competition! I worry most that one of them will have star-quality personality that will win over the hearts and minds of the search committee and others who have input in this selection process. BUT! I am encouraged by my own record on the job, and as I put together my presentation I feel affirmed in my qualifications.  I go into the interview confident and able to demonstrate competence. And that encourages me!

Inspired you?
Last night we attended a "meet and greet" with Park Overall, candidate for US Senate for the state of Tennessee. If her name rings a vague bell it's probably because of her acting resume. But as she stated in her remarks she wants to make a difference through what she does with her life, and staying on the family farm in rural Tennessee didn't cut that mustard. She faces an uphill challenge against the incumbent, who has megabucks of his own to wage his campaign, but Park has conviction and commitment to take action against the toxicity that has become the political arena. Bless her for that! We'll fight hard for her because we believe she has something to offer. At the very least we want her voice to be heard.

Challenged you?
Preparing a sermon/homily for this morning on the Trinity! I'm subbing for a vacationing priest, and in the liturgical year it is Trinity Sunday. This isn't anyone's favorite theological nut to crack, and I am having to dig to find something fresh to say on the subject. I am fortunate to have great resources at my disposal, however, so I think I'll be able to keep my head above water.

Made you smile?
My one and only nephew graduated last weekend from Middlebury College. I had never been there and fell in love with the town.  This is the only family graduation I've attended since my own, and it evoked not only memories, but a kind of wistfulness about connecting to the feelings of a parent on the occasion of a child's graduation.  I am so proud of Jesse, and so delighted that we were there to celebrate this milestone in his life.

Brought a lump in your throat or a tear to your eye in a good way?
A feature writer for The Hartford Courant is preparing an article about dad. Speaking to her on the phone to tell her something about his life and interests was a walk not just down memory lane, but of appreciating once again the depth of person that he was. It was a poignant delight to offer those glimpses of his life to be shared through this upcoming article.

Bonus: yesterday morning two of our grandsons participated in a local "Small Fry Tri(athalon),"   and it was too much fun watching them run, bike, and "swim" through the sprinklers to cross the finish line.  We are so blessed to be seeing so much of them!

addicted to atticus

It's all my mother's fault. "Oh!," she says, almost as an afterthought. "Take this home with you--you can listen to it in the car. You'll LOVE it!" she says of the book on tape that sits on the back seat of her car. Her face is gleeful and her enthusiasm is out of bounds.

She was right. I DO love Following Atticus, the story of a man and his dog and their incredible relationship as it develops and grows through their life and journey hiking the White Mountains of New Hampshire. It is compelling to me as a dog-lover, native Yankee, and admirer of Tom Ryan's engaging writing and down to earth manner. I love that he quotes from a range of authors as their subject matter relates to his own life revelations. From Tennyson to Richard Bach, the nuggets of wisdom that Tom weaves through his story embraces me as comfortingly as a grandmother's afghan.

It's not just comfort, though. I find myself plunging deep into my own layers as I reflect on the observations Tom makes for his life and recognize in them a template for looking at mine. It may be the mid-life "stop and take stock" place where I find myself these days,but whatever the cause I am finding good company in the musings of this writer and the joy he finds with his dog.

I have also found this "following" an opportunity to spend some time with my father. He was a lover of Richard Bach, a hiker of New England mountains, companion to dogs, and possessed a willingness to engage the questions of life. These echoes of my father's soul keep me company as I keep pace with Tom and Atticus. Since this dynamic duo continue to share their journey post-publication on a blog and through facebook, I have the rare opportunity to continue to follow their story and feel a part of it. It feels a bit like I am journeying through my own days with more than suitable companionship, and there is peace and comfort in that.

I commend this book to anyone, though dog-lovers will especially enjoy it. And I owe a debt of gratitude to my mother for introducing me to the wonderful world of Tom and Atticus.