Sunday, May 10, 2009

happy mother's day!

This is a bittersweet day for me. I have no children of my own, a fact of circumstance, and the deepest sadness of my life. There is a part of me that will forever be empty, no matter how many children are part of my life and no matter how much love flows from my heart.

It is bittersweet because though I do, now, have a family by marriage, the joy of surrogate motherhood is shadowed by the neglect of my step-daughter. At one time she initiated calls and emails to me, and I thought we were building a relationship that would deepen through the years. For some reason she has shifted to a mode of painful silence. We have minimal contact with them, and are deprived the role of grandparents with her son and the child that is on the way.

And yet...

There is joy that shines brightly in my life, and that is the gift of my relationship with Junior (and now Trisha). On our way home from Melrose we were able to spend an afternoon with them, and they gifted me with the bucket pictured here, filled with specially chosen items.

The sheep in the bucket is from Build-a-Bear, and though you can't see it well in the picture, she is wearing pink cowboy boots with guitars on them. This is a nod to my affection for country music and to the evening we all spent at the Opry when they were here at Christmas. It is also evidence that Trisha and Junior pay attention to details: like my sheep collection. Tucked into the bear is a heart that they both kissed before it was sealed inside.

Last year for Mother's Day Junior put together a planter of flowers for me, and as soon as I remember to do so I will pick up some new flowers to replace the remnants of those. It is a perpetual reminder of our affection for each other, and particularly of his thoughtfulness.
I am a lucky Mom after all. And though I can be patient until the moment arrives, I can't wait until he has kids and I have the full blessing of being Nana.

Thank you Junior. I love you too.

2 comments:

Janet M said...

Anne, That picture of the two of them is so cute and so is the gift they gave you. Junior sounds like a wonderful young man and enjoy him.
Hugs to you today,
Janet

Jayne said...

And you know what? That is exactly how you have to look at this issue with step-daughter. What is going on with her is about HER and it's HER loss that she does not have these relationships. Not in any way that fact does not make it less hurtful, but you can not change the path she has chosen for some sad reason. And, you WILL be able to be Nana in a full and loving way some day soon. How beautifully sweet that Trisha and Junior thought of doing something so special and personalized for you! XOXO Happy Mother's Day to you dear friend.

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