Saturday, October 17, 2009

tears

It has been a week swollen with activity. Two days, back to back, began at 6 AM and closed at AM. I am weary. But more than that (who isn't weary these days?) my heart is heavy with hurt. I wish I could pour it out here. The closest I can come to describing this is to offer an analogy.

On crime-related television, whether it's a version of CSI, Law and Order or some other representative drama, you learn all sorts of things about which you would have no other occasion to know unless your own life was somehow linked to that profession. A recent episode of one of these programs involved a woman who was injured by a bullet that went through one person and penetrated her own body.

My pain is something like that. A "weapon" penetrated another person's being and then because of my proximity to that person it entered my own soul. Colateral damage, I guess you could say. Only the weapon didn't just strike me, it struck a deep and still healing wound. Rotten enough. But the healing of this wound was woven with hope of a certain kind, and now that wound has been ruptured again. It only there was sufficient help to staunch the bleeding.

Julian of Norwich wisely stated that "all will be well, ..." and in due time I believe the veracity of her wisdom will be borne out. Tonight I hurt, I weep--wail, actually--and I pray. Tomorrow I will attempt to preach about surrender and humility, trusting that I will emerge from the tenderness that is now with some portion of strength to help me appear, if not remain, intact.

It is time now for sleep, assuming that will come. Blessed dreams to one and all. Rest in love.

9 comments:

Jan said...

I am so sorry. I wish you the same: Rest in love. The pain of the Crucified One can sometimes relieve the pain of others. Hoping and praying for you.

Jayne said...

((((((my friend)))))) xoxoxo

Jules said...

Oh my dear Anne, I have no idea how or who has done this to you and no conception of what I could offer to help. Know I am here any time day or night as you have always been for me. Know you are loved and that in a couple of weeks, we can take a long walk arm in arm on the beach and wail and weep and laugh and giggle. HUgs.

Janet M said...

Oh Anne I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting and wish there was a way to make the pain go away. I'm thinking of you and looking forward to helping you have a nice break away. Hugs and love to you

Kellee said...

I'm so sorry for your pain. Big hugs...

The Bug said...

I can't be there to ease the pain - & I'm not sure I'd be any good at it anyway - but there is One. Hope that One was a comfort in the night...

karen said...

I feel your pain through your post...
Please know I am thinking of you, and holding you high in prayer..
Love...and Big hugs

KimQuiltz said...

Let me add my hug to the mix. All WILL be well.

Maria said...

I'm behind reading blogs and just got to this now. I'm sorry you are going through this Anne. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Maria

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