Friday, May 21, 2010

ouch

The Friday five at RevGals pretty much struck my Achilles heel this morning. The subject is discipline. Something I lack dreadfully. I'm not going to run from it, I'll just reflect/confess/atone...

A lack of personal discipline is why I don't achieve my goals. Pure and simple. That, and fear, although I've never been able to identify what the fear is. At my age I've had ample opportunity to tackle this and come out victorious, but for whatever reason, I continue to be plagued by it.

This isn't to say that I never accomplish anything. I do. And I've managed some great accomplishments along the way. Sadly, however, those seem to be exceptions rather than the norm.

I seem to possess within my nature two tendencies that are linked with this. One is laziness. It's not a physical laziness (though it can certainly manifest itself that way). Back in my dancing days there was a great deal of physical activity. Before Seminary (yet another "BS") I was much more active in all kinds of ways. The laziness to which I refer here has to do with a tendency not to act. The other side of the is coin is that I indulge that laziness. "I'll do it later," I tell myself. Eventually I do get to whatever it is I'm postponing, but the lack of timely action is a curse. I refer to it as a failure to follow through, though it's more of a timing issue that translates as failure.

I face this a lot with Pampered Chef, since a great deal of action is required to maintain that business (at least it feels like a lot to me because it is hard for me). I don't understand why I fail to act, I just recognize the problem. Conquering it is the $65,000 challenge.

A quote by Joseph Campbell delivered to my mailbox yesterday caught my attention, and I think it may offer the inspiration I need to dig into this issue. It reads, "Where you stumble, there your treasure lies."

There are a number of things I need to do to assist this effort. Intentional prayer is at the top. This may sound obvious, and therefore strange, but my prayer life is somewhat internalized. I trust that what concerns my heart and soul is known by God and borne by the Spirit, but some intentional prayer would keep this in my consciousness more effectively. Or so I hope. That other thing I need to do is journal this adventure. I do see this as an adventure. I have been slothful in that discipline as well, and to resume the practice would bless my life in many ways.

So. Prayer. Journaling. Engagement with others on the subject (and you are invited, if you so choose, to comment or inquire along the way). Accountability is key. Thirty minutes from now I have a scheduled call with my PC director. She is fabulous, and I will discuss this with her. She will assist me in the accountability department. Perhaps more than anything else I need to see this as a form of life-saving treatment. That is, in effect, what it is.

Healing and transformation won't happen by themselves. I need to be my own mid-wife to bring new life into my world.

3 comments:

The Bug said...

Oh discipline is a four letter word to me LOL. I have to work VERY hard overcome my inertia to do so many things.

PC is so far outside my comfort zone that I can't even imagine it, much less help you. I'm glad you have a good resource.

Amy said...

I can relate to your post on several fronts. Fear has been an obstacle in my life too, with some notable instances of overcoming it, only to fall back. I love the saying, "Faith is fear that has said its prayers."

I find too as I get older, my pace is slower and that's okay. Stress is supposed to be the enemy, but with no stress, we wouldn't get anything done; at least I wouldn't! Keeping a journal is a great tool, but it's a discipline I find challenging.

I'd encourage you not to be too hard on yourself - perhaps the "one day at a time" adage applies here.

Jayne said...

I think we all own that "I'll do it later" mentality. It is so much easier to just maintain the status quo, and in my home, where the status quo and routine means peace, it's even easier. Sigh. I am with you on this one. I think of so many things that could enrich my life, and yet... here I sit.

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