The Friday five at RevGals pretty much struck my Achilles heel this morning. The subject is discipline. Something I lack dreadfully. I'm not going to run from it, I'll just reflect/confess/atone...
A lack of personal discipline is why I don't achieve my goals. Pure and simple. That, and fear, although I've never been able to identify what the fear is. At my age I've had ample opportunity to tackle this and come out victorious, but for whatever reason, I continue to be plagued by it.
This isn't to say that I never accomplish anything. I do. And I've managed some great accomplishments along the way. Sadly, however, those seem to be exceptions rather than the norm.
I seem to possess within my nature two tendencies that are linked with this. One is laziness. It's not a physical laziness (though it can certainly manifest itself that way). Back in my dancing days there was a great deal of physical activity. Before Seminary (yet another "BS") I was much more active in all kinds of ways. The laziness to which I refer here has to do with a tendency not to act. The other side of the is coin is that I indulge that laziness. "I'll do it later," I tell myself. Eventually I do get to whatever it is I'm postponing, but the lack of timely action is a curse. I refer to it as a failure to follow through, though it's more of a timing issue that translates as failure.
I face this a lot with Pampered Chef, since a great deal of action is required to maintain that business (at least it feels like a lot to me because it is hard for me). I don't understand why I fail to act, I just recognize the problem. Conquering it is the $65,000 challenge.
A quote by Joseph Campbell delivered to my mailbox yesterday caught my attention, and I think it may offer the inspiration I need to dig into this issue. It reads, "Where you stumble, there your treasure lies."
There are a number of things I need to do to assist this effort. Intentional prayer is at the top. This may sound obvious, and therefore strange, but my prayer life is somewhat internalized. I trust that what concerns my heart and soul is known by God and borne by the Spirit, but some intentional prayer would keep this in my consciousness more effectively. Or so I hope. That other thing I need to do is journal this adventure. I do see this as an adventure. I have been slothful in that discipline as well, and to resume the practice would bless my life in many ways.
So. Prayer. Journaling. Engagement with others on the subject (and you are invited, if you so choose, to comment or inquire along the way). Accountability is key. Thirty minutes from now I have a scheduled call with my PC director. She is fabulous, and I will discuss this with her. She will assist me in the accountability department. Perhaps more than anything else I need to see this as a form of life-saving treatment. That is, in effect, what it is.
Healing and transformation won't happen by themselves. I need to be my own mid-wife to bring new life into my world.