Thursday, September 17, 2009

blazing trails, part 2

I have noted before that we face challenging times in this hosuehold. A part of that is financial--like many others our income has dropped with only one of us now working. The shuffling around of priorities in spending and shifting of habits demands sacrifices that are obvious and less so. Creative problem solving is helpful, though not always fruitful. I live a lot on hope, and food out of the freezer.

Another of our challenges is familial, and though I refer to it here, it is also personal. Where responding to financial deficits requires practicality, the dynamics of family and the situation at hand usher me into a foreign landscape. There are feelings and behaviors that confront me on a daily basis, and I learned quickly that my life experience, broad and abundant as it has been, did not prepare me for this.

Let's just say that I sought some training to equip me to respond lovingly, supportively and effectively to a new arena of human experience. As part of that effort I also have the opportunity to probe and shine some light on relics of my own, and old, familiar friends from the past are emerging, offering an opportunity for me to take another look from a new and better informed perspective.

I spent some time recently with a friend, during which I worked to redress an old wound. It had not been fully lanced at the time of its occurence and initial tending, and my friend and I both agreed that bringing it into the light now might illuminate other matters of concern.
And so it did. I had the sense that a door long closed to me could now be opened with ease. Stepping through it into the terrain of what awaits on the other side is now a possibility, and there I see the parallel of my path work.

Creating an inner path draws on the same guidelines as an external one: respect for the terrain and what exists there; recognizing which inhabitants are ripe for removal and which are guardians of the landscape; responding to the uniqueness of each portion of the path as it uncovered, and honoring its gifts while proceeding; not losing the opportunity offered by the present moment for the sake of the larger goal of creating a path. And along the way, the awareness that the mysteries of life and love infuse the effort with purpose.

It is not work I would have chosen, but as I begin this journey of inner pioneering I recognize that I come from lineage of pioneers. Pilgrims who set out from Holland to establish a colony at Plymouth; men who argued for liberty and soldiers who fought for its victory; women who worked as missionaries and conquered the barriers of gender to be ordained the same year I was born. The internal effort before me may seem singular in focus, but it is also possible that it may bear fruit that will offer a feast for others. It is my hope that such can be true.
And so I begin. Tools in hand, prayers at the ready, a sense of the landscape and wise and gifted companions along the way.
A way will open, and light will shine forth.

2 comments:

Jayne said...

And I am praying for you on this journey of discovery and discernment, and am always near the path if you want to stop and chat. XOXO

Jules said...

Bon Voyage and safe journey my dear friend. You are a brave woman with a heart the size of Texas!

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