Thursday, October 07, 2010

brace yourself...

(The following was sent to me in an email by a friend who teaches college history. I have made only one editing correction. No questions or answers were affected by this. Get the Kleenex ready, you will laugh so hard that you will cry. That, or pee in your pants.)

These questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers .... and the responders WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
 A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs    (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery      (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow.             (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.                (wtf!)                                               

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium     (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.     (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
 A. When you are sick at the airport.    (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face      (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight   (brilliant)

  Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head


The Bug said...

VERY funny. And scary. Heh.

Mompriest said...


karen said...


Jan said...

I cannot stop laughing! Your side comments definitely added to the humor.

Sandy said...

Wow! I don't know what else to say!

ncsue said...

I'm a follower of your blog and share your love of dogs, Pampered Chef, and the Episcopal Church.
I'm also a GED coordinator at a community college in NC.
This list has been around for a while and really is funny --but not true.
The GED Tests (2002 series) measure knowledge in five different areas: Language Arts, Writing; Social Studies; Science; Language Arts, Reading; and Mathematics. An important feature of the GED Tests is an essay that documents the ability to write and communicate effectively.
The GED Tests usually require some preparation because they measure the skills and knowledge taught to a graduating high school senior. In fact, the passing standard/scores for the GED Tests are based on the estimated passing rate of graduating high school seniors. In spring 2001, the tests were administered to a sample group of graduating high school seniors and approximately 60 percent were estimated to be able to pass the tests on their first try. Therefore, to pass the GED Tests, you must perform as well as or better than 60 percent of those seniors.

Thanks for the opportunity to share some facts about these tests. Our adult students juggle family, employment, and school obligations to reach their goals.


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